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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

People are quick to say "dump him".....do they just say that or would really do that?

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Did you ever notice whether on your own posts or someone elses that what seems to be one of the first responses people have for you is "dump him".  I sometimes think that people say that just to come off like a hard ass when in reality in their own lives they know that they wouldnt.  Am I off the beaten path here?

by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 8:49 AM
Replies (41-50):
BrandiBear88
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 2:41 AM

I think a lot of it is in the presentation of the posters rant. If she is making it sound like a horrible situation then I'm going to say get your ass out of it. If it's just something petty then it's time to grow up and realize that marraige takes work and if you aren't willing to put in the effort then you aren't going to get much out of it.

kmorales7690
by Bronze Member on Sep. 21, 2012 at 2:43 AM

the only think I would tell someone to leave their husband over would be either cheating or sexual abuse, or physical abuse of any type that they didn't instigate. I'm sorry but if someone is sitting there screaming in my face or doing something stupid like that I would want to hit them too. But I wouldn't hesitate to leave if something like that happened. My kids are most important to me, and if we are not safe with someone then I'm gone.

Baybeelove88
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 2:45 AM
Well for me, I never took very many boyfriends seriously... I would dump them for super minor offenses so for me if it's just a boyfriend then that's one thing, but if you married someone I think you should definately try to work things out unless he is being abusive or something... But a boyfriend? Hit the road jack....
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MomToovey
by Marianne on Sep. 21, 2012 at 7:37 AM

 It does seem that people give that advice often. I'm more of a "if it's broken, fix it - don't throw it away" kind of person.

Pinky5511
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 8:08 AM
I think so, from what I've seen most people who are quick to say it are usually on 2nd or 3+ marriages
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BrennaLyons
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 8:23 AM

No. Some people do talk a good game and come off the hard ass when they probably wouldn't follow their own advice. 

Me? I have already been separated from my husband (16 years ago for about 6 months). I took my oldest (then my only child) and walked. Not that he didn't give me adequate reason to, and he had to prove he was worth a second chance. We got counseling. We both worked toward making the marriage work, and we succeeded. I know the pitfalls, and I know what worked for us.

But that means something. I know when to walk and when to stay. I also know that a marriage is not one sided and when you clearly need help to progress or repair the marriage. When I think a marriage needs counseling, I'm the first to say so. When I say "End it." or I say "End if if this happens/doesn't happen.", I truly mean that and would follow my own advice in the same situation.

merryvoice
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 8:51 AM
I used to be one of the people who said that, but it's easier said than done. I had asked a friend of mine why she never left her husband who cheated constantly. I said that I would, but she made an excellent point. When you invest so much in a marriage or relationship, it's not that easy to give it up. You loved this person for however many years, you've built a life together. It made me think about my marriage and I realized that if he ever cheated, it wouldn't be as easy as it sounds to leave him. And of course I would want to try and work through it.
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SassyLaLa85
by Bronze Member on Sep. 21, 2012 at 9:03 AM

I am going through a tough situation in my marriage and I am now a firm believer in you don't know how you will react until you are put in that position. Everyone thought I would scream, yell, holler, go ballastic at my husband, but I did none of those things....I was numb and shocked, but I stay calm and in control. Don't get me mad I get mad thinking about what he did, but I still don't yell or scream. Everyone told me to leave my husband, but like I told them, it isn't that easy, we have 14 years together and 2 beautiful children, there is more to this marriage then just my husband and I. Plus we all make mistakes, it is how you hand your mistake and move on. I think more people need to put more effort into their marriage...don't give up so easy....you made vows for better and for worse. Why run when things get tough, what are you teaching your children. You never know there could be a reason behind their actions, listen to your spouse, help them. This is all just my opinion, I just think that people give up too easy and don't want to fight for something that they have and promised to have until death parts them.

Metteba
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 4:41 PM

I know that when my ex husband cheated on me, I dumped him. Why would I want to keep my marriage intact? Just to keep up appearances?? He obviously was not happy with me, why stay? It will only get worse. Lots of women stay because of the kids, no job and no money. But a majority stay because of failure, embarassment among their family and most women are pressured to stay and MAKE it work. And thats understandable when your husband has money, status in his job and rich parents, those wives are the ones who cant control their husbands and like with a job it just comes with marriage...if you have never dealt with infidelity you would never undstand and thats a perfect world, but there are those of us who live in a real world, where both parents have to work and encounter all walks of life and mind you there is always something out there that will entice the wife or husband.  But kudos to your man or you if your not easily tempted...LOL.

Metteba
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 4:49 PM


Quoting SassyLaLa85:

I am going through a tough situation in my marriage and I am now a firm believer in you don't know how you will react until you are put in that position. Everyone thought I would scream, yell, holler, go ballastic at my husband, but I did none of those things....I was numb and shocked, but I stay calm and in control. Don't get me mad I get mad thinking about what he did, but I still don't yell or scream. Everyone told me to leave my husband, but like I told them, it isn't that easy, we have 14 years together and 2 beautiful children, there is more to this marriage then just my husband and I. Plus we all make mistakes, it is how you hand your mistake and move on. I think more people need to put more effort into their marriage...don't give up so easy....you made vows for better and for worse. Why run when things get tough, what are you teaching your children. You never know there could be a reason behind their actions, listen to your spouse, help them. This is all just my opinion, I just think that people give up too easy and don't want to fight for something that they have and promised to have until death parts them.

You also got married to be with each other only, not have affairs and forgive! You forgave him...but I bet you dont fully trust him anymore, there's always that thought in the back of your little head when he calls to tell you he will e working late or having a weekend with the boys.  You really have to think about what you just said, when your children find out their dad cheated and how easily he was forgiven , your son/daughter will do the same.  Its hard for SAHMz to get out there in world and start over or even begin, I believe that all SAHMz forgive because what do they have? Nothing. You stay because your in a comfort zone, you dont have to work, worry about bills, car payments, etc., its just easier to fogive than start over. How old are your kids, now?  ((just my own little thought for the day-since all the posts are about cheaters today...lol)) Sorry in advance if I ruffled your feathers.

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