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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

People are quick to say "dump him".....do they just say that or would really do that?

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Did you ever notice whether on your own posts or someone elses that what seems to be one of the first responses people have for you is "dump him".  I sometimes think that people say that just to come off like a hard ass when in reality in their own lives they know that they wouldnt.  Am I off the beaten path here?

by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 8:49 AM
Replies (51-60):
Metteba
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 4:52 PM


Quoting merryvoice:

I used to be one of the people who said that, but it's easier said than done. I had asked a friend of mine why she never left her husband who cheated constantly. I said that I would, but she made an excellent point. When you invest so much in a marriage or relationship, it's not that easy to give it up. You loved this person for however many years, you've built a life together. It made me think about my marriage and I realized that if he ever cheated, it wouldn't be as easy as it sounds to leave him. And of course I would want to try and work through it.

Why would you want to stay with a man who fucks around on you?? your the one who looks like the fool.  *SMDH* We need to take a poll and see how many of these SAHMz are being cheated on...and forgive? LOL...wutta day!!

AleaKat
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 4:55 PM
Truth is its all easy and cut and dry in theory. In real life everything is so much more complicated and unless you in the middle if it you never know exactly what you'll feel or do. There is ALWAYS more to a story.
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i.heart.myboys
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 5:00 PM
I think it all depends on the situation.
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ShannaBee
by Platinum Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 5:08 PM
I've noticed. The only time I ever tell someone to leave is if there is abuse.
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SassyLaLa85
by Bronze Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:34 AM

I am sorry I do not know where you get that I am a SAHM, I work a full time 40+ hour a week job. My point was that everyone handles situations differently and no one really knows what they will do until they are put into that situation. I also think people are jump to divorce as an easy out.

Quoting Metteba:


Quoting SassyLaLa85:

I am going through a tough situation in my marriage and I am now a firm believer in you don't know how you will react until you are put in that position. Everyone thought I would scream, yell, holler, go ballastic at my husband, but I did none of those things....I was numb and shocked, but I stay calm and in control. Don't get me mad I get mad thinking about what he did, but I still don't yell or scream. Everyone told me to leave my husband, but like I told them, it isn't that easy, we have 14 years together and 2 beautiful children, there is more to this marriage then just my husband and I. Plus we all make mistakes, it is how you hand your mistake and move on. I think more people need to put more effort into their marriage...don't give up so easy....you made vows for better and for worse. Why run when things get tough, what are you teaching your children. You never know there could be a reason behind their actions, listen to your spouse, help them. This is all just my opinion, I just think that people give up too easy and don't want to fight for something that they have and promised to have until death parts them.

You also got married to be with each other only, not have affairs and forgive! You forgave him...but I bet you dont fully trust him anymore, there's always that thought in the back of your little head when he calls to tell you he will e working late or having a weekend with the boys.  You really have to think about what you just said, when your children find out their dad cheated and how easily he was forgiven , your son/daughter will do the same.  Its hard for SAHMz to get out there in world and start over or even begin, I believe that all SAHMz forgive because what do they have? Nothing. You stay because your in a comfort zone, you dont have to work, worry about bills, car payments, etc., its just easier to fogive than start over. How old are your kids, now?  ((just my own little thought for the day-since all the posts are about cheaters today...lol)) Sorry in advance if I ruffled your feathers.


nikkifam5
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:49 AM
Wow. Very harsh, not to mention offensive. My DH cheated. And guess what? I'M STILL HERE! Omg what a "fool" am I !.. it takes a stronger person to stay then walk away. People are people. Not robots, not perfect.. we all makes mistakes based on our current emotional state of mind at the time. Now that said, it doesn't make cheating right. There are consequences to peoples actions. Some people choose divorce. Some separation. Some revenge... I chose to leave with our 3 children for a bit until I decided what I wanted, and what was best for my family. Which was returning and trying to work out our issues that lead to him feeling that cheating was an "out" instead of dealing with the hard stuff. We did extensive couseling, talking,and trust building... I am so glad I didn't leave. The man I married , in my eyes , I divorced. The man I am married to NOW, is amazing. Attentive, loving, affectionate, considerate and all around we have an amazing marriage. When you get married, its NOT just a piece of paper. And people who feel that way shouldn't be married. When they say " for better or worse" they mean it! Because when its bad, it can be so bad.. but when its good, wow, is it good. We are expecting our 4th child now and the past is the past and we are moving on and building our future. Communication is key. And we didn't have that before. All our time is spent together with our children. And I'm so glad we are where we are... so for you to insult someone for trying to do what they feel is best for them or their family is disgusting!.. women like her , I give credit too because its NOT easy!.. you should be ashamed

Quoting Metteba:



Quoting merryvoice:

I used to be one of the people who said that, but it's easier said than done. I had asked a friend of mine why she never left her husband who cheated constantly. I said that I would, but she made an excellent point. When you invest so much in a marriage or relationship, it's not that easy to give it up. You loved this person for however many years, you've built a life together. It made me think about my marriage and I realized that if he ever cheated, it wouldn't be as easy as it sounds to leave him. And of course I would want to try and work through it.

Why would you want to stay with a man who fucks around on you?? your the one who looks like the fool.  *SMDH* We need to take a poll and see how many of these SAHMz are being cheated on...and forgive? LOL...wutta day!!

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nikkifam5
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:55 AM
I agree with you 100% on everything you are saying. I also have been where you have been!

Quoting SassyLaLa85:

I am sorry I do not know where you get that I am a SAHM, I work a full time 40+ hour a week job. My point was that everyone handles situations differently and no one really knows what they will do until they are put into that situation. I also think people are jump to divorce as an easy out.


Quoting Metteba:



Quoting SassyLaLa85:


I am going through a tough situation in my marriage and I am now a firm believer in you don't know how you will react until you are put in that position. Everyone thought I would scream, yell, holler, go ballastic at my husband, but I did none of those things....I was numb and shocked, but I stay calm and in control. Don't get me mad I get mad thinking about what he did, but I still don't yell or scream. Everyone told me to leave my husband, but like I told them, it isn't that easy, we have 14 years together and 2 beautiful children, there is more to this marriage then just my husband and I. Plus we all make mistakes, it is how you hand your mistake and move on. I think more people need to put more effort into their marriage...don't give up so easy....you made vows for better and for worse. Why run when things get tough, what are you teaching your children. You never know there could be a reason behind their actions, listen to your spouse, help them. This is all just my opinion, I just think that people give up too easy and don't want to fight for something that they have and promised to have until death parts them.


You also got married to be with each other only, not have affairs and forgive! You forgave him...but I bet you dont fully trust him anymore, there's always that thought in the back of your little head when he calls to tell you he will e working late or having a weekend with the boys.  You really have to think about what you just said, when your children find out their dad cheated and how easily he was forgiven , your son/daughter will do the same.  Its hard for SAHMz to get out there in world and start over or even begin, I believe that all SAHMz forgive because what do they have? Nothing. You stay because your in a comfort zone, you dont have to work, worry about bills, car payments, etc., its just easier to fogive than start over. How old are your kids, now?  ((just my own little thought for the day-since all the posts are about cheaters today...lol)) Sorry in advance if I ruffled your feathers.


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nikkifam5
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:57 AM
Totally agree!

Quoting merryvoice:

I used to be one of the people who said that, but it's easier said than done. I had asked a friend of mine why she never left her husband who cheated constantly. I said that I would, but she made an excellent point. When you invest so much in a marriage or relationship, it's not that easy to give it up. You loved this person for however many years, you've built a life together. It made me think about my marriage and I realized that if he ever cheated, it wouldn't be as easy as it sounds to leave him. And of course I would want to try and work through it.
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LaceNBklyn
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:58 AM
Yea I find that hilarious to, think its women speaking unrealistically prob which they had the strength to leave. Living vicariously threw the women who put their business on CM So they tell women just like them to leave. Idc its alot of talking just to talk if you ask me.
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ashleigh24
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:09 AM
Probably sometimes but I don't always say dump him because I know in my life I put up with a lot so I wouldn't be so quick to judge. The only thing I wouldn't put up with is being hit on because I get VERY physical when I'm hit/pushed and I would hit back a lot and I'm sure cops would be involved. That wouldn't be good for my hubby since he is a detective he would lose his job! I have learned over the years to calm down but I can't say I'm perfect :( I would have to leave if he ever hit me so I wouldn't put our dd in the middle of anything like that. I don't think he would ever hit him though. Honestly I would probably stay if he cheated depending on circumstances obviously but I wouldn't tell him that ;) hehe he knows it I think but he wouldn't want to hurt me like that not on purpose and same for me. We both say that would call for divorce but I think we would try to work it out. Maybe I say that because we haven't been through it though. Marriage/relationships are hard and communication is a huge part of it. Without that and trust I personally think you don't have anything. I'm running on and on this morning. Lol
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