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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Should I send him to jail? ***UPDATE HES GONE***

What's up ladies,
My marriage is unfortunatey in the end stages( unless there's a huge miracle) and dh is making my life hell. The past two weekends he left me and ds home while he went and got high. I was pissed! Well then he brought home his friend a few days ago who just broke up with his gf and I can't stand him. And this friend just loves talking about girls they used to bang. I hate hearing about past encounters and I'm mature enough not to hold anything against him because its the past but I really don't like having the image shoved in my head of him inside someone else kwim? Dh is on probation for an old charge. But its been extended because he failed his ua for pot earlier this year. Well I reamed him and decided to work it out for our ds. But he got laid off recently and has been really depressed. He's been spending almost all his free time on the net on his phone. I'm pretty sure he's doing something shady because he checks it all the time and has a lock on it. Since his friend came over all they've talked about is getting high and hoes. And he goes out of his way to be hurtful to me. He sleeps all he wants and never gets up with ds or take him to or from school. He never helps with the house work or much of anything.
I'm beyond fed up as you can imagine. I know many would have left long ago. However I got let go from my job in july and I've been trying to hold out til I find a job. I start an awesome job the first of october. Last night while they were playing video games( which is all they've been doing for 2 days now) dh said he was going to take ds and go live with his cousin in ny. That's something else, he's always said he was getting ds if we split. But he doesn't take care of him or have the patience needed to deal with a 2.5 year old. I have to walk ds to daycare every morning to save the gas so I can drive to pick him up in the afternoons. Now I'm scared he's going to take off with ds one day while I'm at work. He goes back to court soon because he got violated again and he might go to jail. But with the way things are going he's just not trying to get better. And now he's being an ass and not helping ds at all. I'm worried. Should I call his po and ask her to intervene? She might give him a ua and he would probably go to jail. I hate that but I hate him being around ds. Help!

**Update ladies!**
Well I caught him texting another girl calling her babe and honey and that he wishes he could lay with her and be with her. I confronted him and he didn't even deny it he turned it around on me for spying. I took his phone and he put his hands on me enough to leave some marks. I let him give the baby a bath and went out and called his po. Then I took the baby for a walk and while I was gone the cops came to serve a warrant for his arrest. They told me he took off and ran out the house and they lost him. About an hour later he showed up banging on the door and demanding I let him in so he could get some stuff and I called 911 while I was talking to him through the door. Then I let him in to keep him there and the cops came in the back door. He tried slamming the door on the cop and he tasered him but he tok the leads out and tried to get out the front door and hit the cop with the door again and ran outside into the woods across the street. That was about 400.
Its 1030 at night and they still ain't found him. His mom told me if he comes back to let him in to clean up and not call the law! Ha after her son put his hands on me? Right that's gonna happen! He's desparate and dellusional. I'm not letting him in ever again. He's looking at some major charges with battery on a leo. I'm still in shock but I can feel the hurt creeping in from knowing he was calling someone else the pet names he called me. It hurts like hell but I'm free!
by on Sep. 21, 2012 at 7:00 PM
Replies (21-30):
tattooedmama126
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 10:03 AM
I have no place to go because my parents are disabled and live in a house that's falling apart. Plus my stepmom smokes pot for pain from fibro but I just don't want ds around it period. Pot is the reason our life has taken such a down turn. He lost a good job because he tested positive on a random ua. I have been waiting til I can get us out of here and things have been ok. But. When he gets around his friends he acts like such an ass. And he is so secretive of his damn phone. I've put a tracker on it but don't wanna know what it shows because I'm not staying married to someone I have to track. Just a few weeks and I'm gone. I just didn't want the po to think its a petty issue that I got mad at him so I'm sending him away kwim?
MamaNeeNee
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 10:11 AM
I might not be right for saying this.. But why in the world did u marry him to begin with? He didn't get this way over night. I personally would leave him. I would tell him that if he goes to jail, it's over. And you have to be serious, do not fall for the jail sweet
talker. If he takes ds, I would call the police. But no judge in their right mind is going to give a drug addict criminal a two year old, especially one that doesn't have a job and only cares about his friends..
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gr8d8n3mom
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 11:09 AM

Whether u call his PO or not is your decision. I don't think either of those 2 men need to be around a young baby.

What u do need to know is if he skips out with your child while ur still married, there is nothing you can do. Ur married. If he goes to a different state you will have a heck of a time getting custody, u will have to file in the state the child is in.

I'm not trying to scare u just inform you


planning a wedding


IWannaLoveAgain
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 11:28 AM

I didn't read it all, but you and him both need to get some priorities straightened out. You need to make a decision to make him leave, or make him get the hell up off his ass and treat you with some respect.. There's no reason you should have to deal with him getting high, talking shitty to you, talking about drugs, talking about fucking other women, and having some ass hole friend come over to sit around and reminisce on old times with..

bakerang
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 11:38 AM
Call his po. Him being like this isn't how you should show your son life is. Babies take it all in and learn behavior from what they see. If he hears or sees you being treated like this the likely hood of him treating women like this increases.
trebelcleff
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 11:43 AM

He isn't acting like an adult, so he needs to be treated like a child.  Call his PO.  If he won't get the help he needs, then he's going to end up in jail anyway.  At least you and your son will be more safe with him away, and you can file for custody more easily.

tattooedmama126
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 1:13 PM
Quoting MamaNeeNee:

I might not be right for saying this.. But why in the world did u marry him to begin with? He didn't get this way over night. I personally would leave him. I would tell him that if he goes to jail, it's over. And you have to be serious, do not fall for the jail sweet
talker. If he takes ds, I would call the police. But no judge in their right mind is going to give a drug addict criminal a two year old, especially one that doesn't have a job and only cares about his friends..


When we met I got pregnant quickly. I didn't find out about everything until after he went back to jail. He said he was sorry and wanted another chance. After that things went great. He got a job and we got a nice place. Then he hung out with people at work who were doing pot and it just got worse. Its like he will be great as long as he is by himself but if he gets around friends he has to do what they're doing. Not a grown up. Today he's better since the friend left. But he's still getting on his phone a bunch. He keeps posting pics of him and ds so this girl he friended will comment and he's trying to look like father of the year. Today she commented and called him my love.
PinkButterfly66
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 1:16 PM

Do everything you can to protect your son.  Tell the daycare that you are the only one allowed to pick up your son.  Tell them that you are in the process of getting a divorce and your husband has threatened to flee with your son.  Hopefully the daycare will listen and comply.  

PinkButterfly66
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 1:17 PM

Hon, you need to leave that apartment and move in with family.

Quoting tattooedmama126:

Quoting kimsamomof3:

So how are eating and living if neither of you have jobs? Just wondering!! I would drop the loser.


We have been having to borrow from family. Yeah I hate that. Plus I just got word that my unemployment should be coming through soon. We have food stamps and I can't wait to be off them. Plus we get assistance when we can for some bills. He just got laid off a few weeks ago so now its getting bad. I'm afraid when I get my unemployment he's going to try to blow it. If I draw a tight rein with the money he throws huge tantrums.


Dimples04
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 1:18 PM
I work in a Domestic Violence shelter and if you or someone you know is being abused you need to get help.  ALSO REMEMBER THAT YOUR COMPUTER CAN TELL YOUR ABUSER YOUR PLANS, PLEASE BE CAREFUL AND DELETE ALL INFORMATION THAT YOU LOOK UP IN REFERENCE TO LEAVING OR GETTING HELP.  Violence doesn't know any discrimination.  If you or someone you know needs help PLEASE call the National domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) whoever answers the line can direct you to a local shelter or answer any questions you may have.  Any Shelter is there to help women and child (and some also help male victims) get the counseling and any other help that they need to get through the difficult time.  Abuse can be Emotional abuse (name calling, putting someone down, or controlling who/what they see or do), Physical Abuse (hitting, kicking, biting, anything that causes physical pain), Sexual abuse (can also be from a spouse or otherwise intimate partner when it is a unwanted occurance.)  Leaving your partner is the most dangerous time, wait until he/she is gone and then pack whatever you will need and just leave.   Good Luck and Don't forget that help is never more than a phone call away 24 / 7 / 365.

* To delete your history:  go to control panel, internet options, delete cookies, delete files, delete history.  EVERYTIME!!  
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person.
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

·Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
·Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
·Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
·Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
·Does not want you to work.
·Controls finances or refuses to share money.
·Punishes you by withholding affection.
·Expects you to ask permission.
·Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
·Humiliates you in any way.

You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
·Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
·Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or Strangled you.
·Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
·Scared you by driving recklessly.
·Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
·Forced you to leave your home.
·Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
·Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
·Hurt your children.
·Used physical force in sexual situations.

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:
·Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
·Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
·Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
·Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
·Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
·Held you down during sex.
·Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
·Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
·Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
·Ignored your feelings regarding sex.
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