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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Help Infidelity within a marriage

Posted by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 11:56 AM
  • 6 Replies

My husband and I have been Together for 8 years, married for 7 years. We have known eachother for 14 years. We are junior high/high school sweet hearts. We got married young He joined the miliary we had our first baby then a second and a third a few years ago. We had a fall out and separated for a few months in 2008 since then its been a battle. We have been off and on since then and we do not live together.  While we were off and on He was with other people Im not even sure how many. (I have not been with anyone but him) Recently this year he had an emotional affair that lasted about 5 months. Since we have been separated off and on my husband came clean to me that he has been struggling with drug addiction for several years. ( I had no idea) but looking back now I can see that he was. All the fights and mood swings. He is now getting help with that and is trying to get his life together for himself, our three kids and me. We are back together and are trying to work on our marriage and family. The reason I am posting here is to get some information, some advice or opinions and or maybe someone else has been where I am today or going thru it now. I am having a very hard time getting past all the infidelity and the affair. even though I have known about him being with other people for several years now but the emotional affair was this year. I dont know if its the several one night stands that upset or the affair or maybe all of it. I have struggled with my thoughts, feelings, hurt and pain for a few years now. We usually just sweep it under the rug and move forward but I dont want to do that anymore I need to get past this and let go I just dont know how.  Certain things will remind me or things will come up. I have all these thoughts and questions. I dont know how to get past it and stop having all these thoughts. How do I get past the infidelity and move forward? Any advice/support would be great!


Thank you!

by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 11:56 AM
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Replies (1-6):
Jennyp05
by Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 12:09 PM
1 mom liked this
If you two were seperated during the times he was seeing other women then technically its not infidelity. And also he was at a crisis in his life so bad descisions are to be expected. Maybe its time to just start completely over, forget the past and start today as day 1.
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Hottmomma607
by Trica on Sep. 22, 2012 at 12:12 PM
I don't have any advice. Except since you're willing to work on it, then are you seeing a counselor too? I think that will help! Sweeping under the rugs is not a good thing! GL
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CuteMomOfThree
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 12:18 PM

I agree with what your saying. I know we were separated. The reason I say its infidelity is because we were suppose to be working on our marriage and yet he was doing other things behind my back even when I was pregnant with our last child. He always made it seem like we were together this entire time although we did have fights and a month would go by and we wouldnt talk...and yes that is the plan to start completely over but I am having a hard time forgetting the past and trusting again although I do understand that is going to take time but how long I feel like its been years already. 


Thank you for the advice!

Quoting Jennyp05:

If you two were seperated during the times he was seeing other women then technically its not infidelity. And also he was at a crisis in his life so bad descisions are to be expected. Maybe its time to just start completely over, forget the past and start today as day 1.


sissyboogs
by Bronze Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 12:26 PM
1 mom liked this

Therapy is helpful. For both of you. Together and separate. 

Communication is essential. You need to learn how to communicate your needs and wants to each other. It may help to start by talking to a counselor together and then learn how you communicate most effectively so you can learn how to communicate better at home when it's just the two of you. 

You guys need to lay it all out on the table. Sit down and have a heart to heart. You need to tell him all the thoughts, feelings, and fears you have. You need to decide if you are really willing and able to move past this, and he needs to decide if he is really willing and able to earn back your trust. Then, you BOTH have to work towards that. Trust has to be earned, but he has to be given the opportunity to earn it. 

laylolilah
by Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 12:52 PM
1 mom liked this
I am going through the betrayal of infidelity too. My post ' the whole truth' in Love and Marriage kind of tells where I am at right now.
I'm reading a lot, talking to people who are productive, crying...
I'm not sure how to get past it yet either but I'm here if you need someone..it is a very lonely place to be.
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iheartmycinco
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 4:10 PM
1 mom liked this
I think you should maybe talk to someone. A counselor or someone that can give you the tools to deal with it, to move past it and help you through the times when it pops into your mind later. I'm glad he is getting help. I was addicted to drugs when I was younger do I can relate to the horrible decisions you make and people you hurt. I'm sorry you are going through this.
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