I don't normally share this kind of stuff, but man I just feel like I need to get it off my chest and I certainly can NOT talk to anyone IRL about this, so...
Dh and I decided a while back that we were done having kids. I am a full time student, teach kids yoga, am trying to move toward full teacher certification, take care of the home, etc. He works and wants to go back to get his bachelors degree for IT. We have two kids. Our life is very full the way it is and having another kid would once again put everything else on hold. So we decided together that he would get a vasectomy. It's cheaper and an easier procedure.
For months, he didn't call to make an appointment. I reminded him kindly here and there, but to no avail. So last month when I went in for my annual, I decided to make an appointment for a tubal ligation. I went off my bcp because my ob/gyn and I thought with the date so soon it would be okay to not renew the script and just use condoms until the surgery.
Well, we just found out we are losing the insurance that would be covering this procedure.
He finally called to see how much it would be for a vasectomy out of pocket... $1250. We do not have $1250 to pay up front. So now it looks like we are waiting until the beginning of next year so we have time to save and recover from holidays and such.
No huge deal, right? It's not that far off...
Well, since we have been using the condoms, dh is having...um...problems. At first it was just taking him longer (and I didn't mind that, lol). But then I started having to finish him in other ways. I am normally very highly orgasmic, but even I started having a little difficulty. So last Friday I pulled out all the stops, did everything I knew he likes, really thought I was rocking it, went on for hours, and he didn't O. He said I could "make it up" to him the next night. Saturday night comes and he's too tired. My ego is really taking a bruising at this point. Then he wakes me up this morning for some loving before he has to leave for work. Now neither of us are climaxing.
And even though I know it happens and that the condoms desensitize things for both of us, I feel really horrible about myself. I feel like I'm not doing things right, like I don't feel good, like he's not attracted to me, there's something WRONG WITH ME. It's really ridiculous, but no matter how logical I am being, my FEELINGS are going out of whack. I buried myself in our bed this morning and cried into my pillow while he got ready for work.
Then it really didn't help that on his way out he said something that was not so nice, kind of placing some blame.
I don't know what we're going to do. I kind of feel like it would be a pita to go back on bcp (it would take a while before they would be effective and then I'd quit them again in a few months). My ob/gyn said nuvaring and other options are not a good idea for us. Dh doesn't feel comfortable with natural family planning until then. I feel like things are just going to keep spiraling downward. We're both thinking about how we're not getting each other there, feeling pressure...
We're a very touchy couple. Physical touch is our love language. Sex is a HUGE part of that. When we aren't connecting in that way, we get pissy and distant.
I'm not sure how to proceed. :(