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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Have any of you been the cause of your marital problems?

Posted by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 8:25 AM
  • 207 Replies
8 moms liked this

    I complain and blame and realize that I am the one who has hurt us.  I feel as low as I can and need to change things. Have any of you ladies thought this too? I haven't kept a united front as a parent with him. I argue with him all the time. I do the opposite of what he says. I make sex unappealing.  I have a miserable look on my face often or a problem with everything. And I so need his help with so many things in life and life would take a serious turn for the worse without him.

     Yesterday I pushed it too far and he is close to walking out.  I hurt like I didn't know I could hurt and I desperately want redemption. Please tell me I'm not alone. I am going to do better, it's not fair for me to act this way and hurt my children and my husband.


   

by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 8:25 AM
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sissyboogs
by Bronze Member on Sep. 24, 2012 at 8:30 AM
24 moms liked this

Yes. 

I fight with depression every day of my life, so that certainly doesn't help. 

I've said for years that my husband doesn't make me feel wanted, doesn't make me feel appreciated, that he annoys me. I've felt a lot of resent for him, and I haven't ever really been sure why. Recently, I've come to realize that it's me. That it wouldn't matter what he did, I wouldn't be happy with it. I'd always want more or something different. It's never enough, and that's not his fault. And, just in case that's not bad enough, I had an affair. 

Honestly, I'm not sure I deserve someone as patient and tolerant as my husband, but here he is. He hasn't given up yet. So, I'm not either. I'm in therapy for my issues. 

disnchntdwife
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 9:06 AM
54 moms liked this

 my best advice to you after being married for 27 years to the same man......

LET HIM READ THIS POST.

He wil see how sorry you are, how you are accepting responsibilty and wanting to change for the better.

 I wish you endless love and happiness :)

nsparky1964
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 9:07 AM
6 moms liked this

according to my dh yes, i have caused issues within our relationship...but if you call looking thru his cell/text messages and finding women who have sexted him (he not replying to the text) stirring up issues then ok...

I am not jealous, but i do have issue with his gal pals not respecting the fact that he's married, he say's they are jeaous of me (and one of these who^res has even told me this), but i say for someone who demands and commands respect, how in the hell can you let your whore gf's continue being so obvisously disrespectfull of him and our relationship...he is starting to get the message...he blocked the number of his actual xgf this weekend, when i found a sext that she sent earlier last week...

I am a confident woman, but when his x's want to take a trip down memory lane of their sexcapades then yes, i do get a bit uncomfortable and insecure....

thecoffeefairy
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 9:13 AM
9 moms liked this
The first step to being the person you want to be is taking responsibility. You have done that. Now read some articles and books on communication. Practice them. Focus in one change at a time until it becomes a habit, so your not overwhelmed. Remember it takes 5 nice things to make up for 1 negative. Keep the ratio in mind.its exhausting being negativešŸ˜Š take your vitamins. Vitamin deficiency causes crankiness and mimics depression. Vitamin b complex is important. Good luck!
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shesliketx
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 9:16 AM
2 moms liked this
I think so. I have a tendency to self sabatoge things. I have adjustment disorder as well as anxiety, mild depression, ADHD, and I have a lot of control issues. I'm starting therapy for the first time since I was clinically diagnosed with everything last month.

For example- I feel like everyone has abandoned me anyway, so I should drive him away before he can choose to leave me because at least I'm the one in control of what caused it.


I'm screwed up.
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CameronsMommy23
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 10:01 AM
7 moms liked this
It takes two to tango. Lol I'm not perfect and he's not perfect so we both admit we've messed up from time to time. Admitting you're wrong and fixing it is the important part. And learning from your mistakes.
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chadsgirl038
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 10:26 AM
3 moms liked this

I can honestly relate to both sides of this. My DH and I had this type of relationship at one point or another. The best thing is to be honest, allow him to see your vulneable side, as hard as that may be, try to explain to him why certain things have been said and then seek out help for the areas you can get help. I don't know your finanical situation so I guess get whatever help you can if you can. If not, try going to the library and reading up on it and try changing one thing at a time. Changing as a person is very hard. Try not to over due it as in try to change to much at once bc it can backfire and badly. Try to change on thing at a time. Find one thing you know you can change that may be a bit easier than something else and work on it until its comfortably changed, then move on to the next.

I can understand both sides and trust me its hard to fix and adjust. When things get bad for me because at times they still do, I allow myself to go in the closet or somewhere where no one can see me and I cry it out, allow my frustrations out and just take 5 minutes and freak out. In a sense that allows myself to collect myself and then revisit the situation at hand.

Megan11587
by Megan on Sep. 24, 2012 at 10:56 AM
5 moms liked this

 I think you should seek counseling.  I say this as a person who has spent their entire life dealing with depression.  You don't HAVE to live like this.

sunnyflower417
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 10:56 AM
1 mom liked this

(((hugs))) My DH and I are on the same path. I hope to change it with his help. 

sunnyflower417
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 10:58 AM
2 moms liked this

My heart hurts reading that. I feel the same way, I hope we both get the help we deserve and live life as it was meant to be lived. 

Quoting shesliketx:

I think so. I have a tendency to self sabatoge things. I have adjustment disorder as well as anxiety, mild depression, ADHD, and I have a lot of control issues. I'm starting therapy for the first time since I was clinically diagnosed with everything last month.

For example- I feel like everyone has abandoned me anyway, so I should drive him away before he can choose to leave me because at least I'm the one in control of what caused it.


I'm screwed up.


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