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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

My husband has been chatting with women online!!

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I found out about a monthe ago. I was using his laptop and I couldn't remember the website he had showed me previously so I went into "History" in order to look it up. That's where I saw that he had been going to a specific social networking site, frequently. One listing caught my eye because it said chat next to it. So, being curious I opened it. That's when I found all his chats. He had been chatting with 3-4 different women for many months. I confronted him and he tried to lie his way out of it. Saying that he was "networking" for his old boss. I then told him I read each specific message. He was shocked and then told me "Oh, I was stupid. It was a mistake." Blah Blah Blah... Well anyway, we talked and cried it all out and I told him I would forgive him. Since he didn't actually have sex with them I thought it wouldn't be that big a deal to get over it. Wrong!! I can't trust him. Period! Every time he goes in the bedroom to get online I wonder who he's talking to. Every time his phone chimes I wonder if it's another woman messaging him. I find myself checking his computer for chat sites. Oh and that's another thing that makes it worse, he started deleting his history after that. I told him it makes him look more guilty. Now I can't tell if he quit or if he just knows how to delete individual sites from the history. It's a constant thought every single day for me. It's driving me crazy because he acts like he never did anything and if I even hint at not trusting him he gets all pissy. I feel he has no right to get pissy because he caused this. I feel like he should be doing whatever it takes to convince me he quit and to be extra affectionate to make me feel better, but he's doing the opposite. He less affectionate and does things that are suspicious. I can't take it!!! Please, tell me what you would do??

by on Oct. 1, 2012 at 1:51 PM
Replies (11-14):
daijobu
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 2:59 AM

The only reason he's saying you're making it hard on him is because (as he's said) he's embarassed.  He wants it to go away and not have to deal with his emotions, expecially YOUR emotions because he knows YOU have every right to be mad and distrusting of him.  Even though you are the injured party, if he can't be honest with himself and deal with his feelings of guilt first, then he won't have anything but anger towards you.  It's not your fault that he chose to have emotional affairs with other women.  He probably was thinking they were so great because they were never real relationships and didn't deal with real life issues.  They were just fantasies, not reality.  Until he gets himself straightened out, it will be all about him.  Unfortunately.

beffy1215
by Beth on Oct. 5, 2012 at 4:40 AM
I couldn't stay with someone I didn't trust.... Leave
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justpeachy71904
by Silver Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 5:38 AM
if he has started deleting the history, he is hiding something. I have been there do e that.

He wouldn't delete it if he weren't hiding stuff. Tlk to him and tell him you know he is hiding stuff and it is hurting you. Do you share a phone bill?
mobile allows you to download textmsgs online
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lapcounter
by Gold Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 6:04 AM
You are right, he has no right to get pissy with and if he was really done chatting with these women he wouldn't be pissy nor would he delete his history.
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