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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage
Convo between me & "DH" follows

A few weeks ago
Me- why you never say "I love you" to me?
Him- why should I have to?
Me- (thinking to self) are you fucking kidding me?
Me- (real response) wow

Today
(we talking about something but this sticks out more than anything)
Me- do you know my fave foods?
Him- no, I know you like blue Doritos
Me- wow
Me- that's all?
Him- that's all for what
Him- you told me hot dogs a couple of years ago, idk if that changed

MIND you! We been together on nd off 6yrs and recently got married. NOT ONCE has this guy ever asked me or inquired about me, if anything has changed or has stayed the same. I have tried MANY a time to re learn this man and he continues to shut me down. It's like he doesn't even care how I feel
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 8:43 PM
Replies (11-20):
MomToovey
by Marianne on Oct. 2, 2012 at 10:13 PM

 Has he always been like this? Even before you got engaged/married? Did it bother you then?

If not, why is it bothering you now? I'm not asking in a rude way, I'm trying to help you get to the root of it.

If so, why did you marry a man who you feel doesn't even know you? Again, not being rude, just trying to get you to think about it a little deeper.

And finally, I agree with what another mom said about having a discussion rather than a quiz. Talk to him about your favorite things. Ask him about his. Turn it into a conversation, rather than a game of 20 questions. And do this often. My DH and I are constantly sharing revelations with each other. Just the other day, I announced that I think Fun. may be my new favorite band, and then we started talking about their songs and how they make us feel, etc.

LanaTsunami
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 10:33 PM
Before we got married, I naively didn't notice for the most part. But it did bother me. We have a communication problem and he pushes me away anytime I try to speak to him. I thought things would get better over time but idk anymore. He makes it SO HARD for me to have an easy convo with him. Everything is turned onto me and it's like he does no wrong. I'm tired of it already

Quoting MomToovey:

 Has he always been like this? Even before you got engaged/married? Did it bother you then?


If not, why is it bothering you now? I'm not asking in a rude way, I'm trying to help you get to the root of it.


If so, why did you marry a man who you feel doesn't even know you? Again, not being rude, just trying to get you to think about it a little deeper.


And finally, I agree with what another mom said about having a discussion rather than a quiz. Talk to him about your favorite things. Ask him about his. Turn it into a conversation, rather than a game of 20 questions. And do this often. My DH and I are constantly sharing revelations with each other. Just the other day, I announced that I think Fun. may be my new favorite band, and then we started talking about their songs and how they make us feel, etc.


rayroe2
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 10:37 PM

 why did you marry him, I am not judging you just trying to understand why would you marry a man that you were on and off again for 6 years....that doesn't put up red flags?

Bradya
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 10:37 PM
How do you get married without not knowing a person
LanaTsunami
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 10:38 PM
I thought things would get better between us....

Quoting rayroe2:

 why did you marry him, I am not judging you just trying to understand why would you marry a man that you were on and off again for 6 years....that doesn't put up red flags?


LanaTsunami
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 10:39 PM
He was my 1st boyfriend and I didn't really have much experience.

Quoting Bradya:

How do you get married without not knowing a person

Bradya
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 10:40 PM
Ok i understand
hhhanna
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 10:43 PM

And so you married him, why???  I mean it sounds like it hasn't changed, before marriage appears to be after marriage - no differance, so why are you complaining?  Obviously his concern about you wasn't a huge deal before marriage (cause you married him anyway) so why has it become a big thing now?  In my case I married my best friend so there is a lot of thinking and caring about the other person, but if he hadn't shown a concern before our marriage - we wouldn't be married.  You evidently love him despite his not caring, so looks like you'll have to live with it.

rayroe2
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 10:49 PM

 I get your train of thinking but if things aren't good to start with they don't get better with marriage they get worse because your expecting that person to change but they wont you get who you marry but don't get that confused because marriage is work and wont always be easy or what you want but if he didn't care before you got married hes not going to care now truthfully I would just take it as a loss and find someone who will know you inside and out.

Quoting LanaTsunami:

I thought things would get better between us....

Quoting rayroe2:

 why did you marry him, I am not judging you just trying to understand why would you marry a man that you were on and off again for 6 years....that doesn't put up red flags?


 

CafeMom Tickers
Hottmomma607
by Trica on Oct. 2, 2012 at 10:53 PM
I really can't relate! DH knows my likes/dislikes,fears! He can surprise me with an sandwhich from subway and have it right! We are best friends no doubt! He's not perfect&neither am I! But we are good together!
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