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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Im confused.....did i screw up?

Posted by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 8:33 AM
  • 60 Replies

The bf of two years and I have been trying to buy a house for about 8 months.  He always puts the pressure on me stating "well you have a va loan, so you do it".  I have asked him to try in his name, and he says he did a few months ago but they wont approve him for the full loan amount.  I told him that our current contract we are in that i dont have my va loan paper and i got denied for fha loan.  He just keeps putting the pressure back on me.

So yesterday as I was texting him, he says "im leaving work and will be home to talk about this important matter."  He has never done this.  I feel like he has become so distant lately, but maybe it is me overreacting.  He doesnt want to try in his name, but pressures me to do it.  If he wanted to be with me forever like he says, then wouldnt he want to try to help me?  Im confused.

I finally got through to him today and told him how things were. If he wanted to keep me.....he needs to get on contract with me and buy house TOGETHER. He will have to get loan in his name. Low and behold......he is doing both. 

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 8:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
sbreece
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 8:37 AM
15 moms liked this
Red flag! Don't buy a house with someone whom isn't willing to split the mortgage! He doesn't want his name on the house.. why?? Is he having second thoughts about his relationship with you? Is there the slightest possibility he may leave you with that house to pay for alone? Why would you buy a house with someone you're not married to? Just a few questions to think about hun. Buying a house is like having a child, its a long term commitment. Not something you can just walk away from. If I were you, I'd take this with a grain of salt and continue to rent until something changed.
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AM-BRAT
by Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 8:38 AM
Like like like.


Quoting sbreece:

Red flag! Don't buy a house with someone whom isn't willing to split the mortgage! He doesn't want his name on the house.. why?? Is he having second thoughts about his relationship with you? Is there the slightest possibility he may leave you with that house to pay for alone? Why would you buy a house with someone you're not married to? Just a few questions to think about hun. Buying a house is like having a child, its a long term commitment. Not something you can just walk away from. If I were you, I'd take this with a grain of salt and continue to rent until something changed.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
didyouthink76
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 8:40 AM

To me when I mentioned to him again last night to buy "together" with both names on the loan, he won't do it.  To me.....that means that he has really no intention of having any type of long term future with me.  I asked to just be ENGAGED and he says he isnt ready. 

Quoting sbreece:

Red flag! Don't buy a house with someone whom isn't willing to split the mortgage! He doesn't want his name on the house.. why?? Is he having second thoughts about his relationship with you? Is there the slightest possibility he may leave you with that house to pay for alone? Why would you buy a house with someone you're not married to? Just a few questions to think about hun. Buying a house is like having a child, its a long term commitment. Not something you can just walk away from. If I were you, I'd take this with a grain of salt and continue to rent until something changed.


m0mmy0ftw02012
by Bronze Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 8:41 AM

I would only by a house i could afford on my own... cause in case yall break up, you will not be overwhelm with bills and then making your credit bad. Yall cant get the house loan in both of your names?

didyouthink76
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 8:42 AM

I asked him to do that, but he wont answer that. 

Quoting m0mmy0ftw02012:

I would only by a house i could afford on my own... cause in case yall break up, you will not be overwhelm with bills and then making your credit bad. Yall cant get the house loan in both of your names?


m0mmy0ftw02012
by Bronze Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 8:45 AM
1 mom liked this

Dont do it if you are not ready. If he isnt going to commit to you, i really wouldnt do it. Its only going to hurt you in the end. Good luck sweetie!

Quoting didyouthink76:

I asked him to do that, but he wont answer that. 

Quoting m0mmy0ftw02012:

I would only by a house i could afford on my own... cause in case yall break up, you will not be overwhelm with bills and then making your credit bad. Yall cant get the house loan in both of your names?



in love  In love with an amazing man! I have two girls,     girl on a swing      girl on a swing.

didyouthink76
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 8:47 AM

I am more than ready.  It isnt a question in my mind that I want to be with him, but he is hesitant for some reason.

Quoting m0mmy0ftw02012:

Dont do it if you are not ready. If he isnt going to commit to you, i really wouldnt do it. Its only going to hurt you in the end. Good luck sweetie!

Quoting didyouthink76:

I asked him to do that, but he wont answer that. 

Quoting m0mmy0ftw02012:

I would only by a house i could afford on my own... cause in case yall break up, you will not be overwhelm with bills and then making your credit bad. Yall cant get the house loan in both of your names?




lucky2Beeme
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 8:48 AM
2 moms liked this


Quoting didyouthink76:

To me when I mentioned to him again last night to buy "together" with both names on the loan, he won't do it.  To me.....that means that he has really no intention of having any type of long term future with me.  I asked to just be ENGAGED and he says he isnt ready. 

Quoting sbreece:

Red flag! Don't buy a house with someone whom isn't willing to split the mortgage! He doesn't want his name on the house.. why?? Is he having second thoughts about his relationship with you? Is there the slightest possibility he may leave you with that house to pay for alone? Why would you buy a house with someone you're not married to? Just a few questions to think about hun. Buying a house is like having a child, its a long term commitment. Not something you can just walk away from. If I were you, I'd take this with a grain of salt and continue to rent until something changed.


I would not buy a home witha man that wont even commit to being engaged. it might be time to seriously think about where this relationship is going IF anywhere.Then deciding how long you want to be someones GF.

Surround yourself with people that add to your life not subtract from it.

m0mmy0ftw02012
by Bronze Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 8:49 AM

Have you talk to him why he is so hesitant? that could be a bad sign sweetie. you maybe ready but if he's not.... where will yall go from here?

Quoting didyouthink76:

I am more than ready.  It isnt a question in my mind that I want to be with him, but he is hesitant for some reason.

Quoting m0mmy0ftw02012:

Dont do it if you are not ready. If he isnt going to commit to you, i really wouldnt do it. Its only going to hurt you in the end. Good luck sweetie!

Quoting didyouthink76:

I asked him to do that, but he wont answer that. 

Quoting m0mmy0ftw02012:

I would only by a house i could afford on my own... cause in case yall break up, you will not be overwhelm with bills and then making your credit bad. Yall cant get the house loan in both of your names?





in love  In love with an amazing man! I have two girls,     girl on a swing      girl on a swing.

MamaHome
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 8:52 AM
1 mom liked this

I think she meant if you're not ready to buy a house. Until you are married and legally bound, you have to treat you legal/contractual status as single. Being committed doesn't mean you should assume all the debt and responsibility. Don't buy something you can't afford on your own.

Quoting didyouthink76:

I am more than ready.  It isnt a question in my mind that I want to be with him, but he is hesitant for some reason.

Quoting m0mmy0ftw02012:

Dont do it if you are not ready. If he isnt going to commit to you, i really wouldnt do it. Its only going to hurt you in the end. Good luck sweetie!

Quoting didyouthink76:

I asked him to do that, but he wont answer that. 

Quoting m0mmy0ftw02012:

I would only by a house i could afford on my own... cause in case yall break up, you will not be overwhelm with bills and then making your credit bad. Yall cant get the house loan in both of your names?





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