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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Im confused.....did i screw up?

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The bf of two years and I have been trying to buy a house for about 8 months.  He always puts the pressure on me stating "well you have a va loan, so you do it".  I have asked him to try in his name, and he says he did a few months ago but they wont approve him for the full loan amount.  I told him that our current contract we are in that i dont have my va loan paper and i got denied for fha loan.  He just keeps putting the pressure back on me.

So yesterday as I was texting him, he says "im leaving work and will be home to talk about this important matter."  He has never done this.  I feel like he has become so distant lately, but maybe it is me overreacting.  He doesnt want to try in his name, but pressures me to do it.  If he wanted to be with me forever like he says, then wouldnt he want to try to help me?  Im confused.

I finally got through to him today and told him how things were. If he wanted to keep me.....he needs to get on contract with me and buy house TOGETHER. He will have to get loan in his name. Low and behold......he is doing both. 

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 8:33 AM
Replies (31-40):
sbreece
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:30 AM
Oh honey.. back out now! Before you get any further in than you have to..


Quoting didyouthink76:

To me when I mentioned to him again last night to buy "together" with both names on the loan, he won't do it.  To me.....that means that he has really no intention of having any type of long term future with me.  I asked to just be ENGAGED and he says he isnt ready. 


Quoting sbreece:

Red flag! Don't buy a house with someone whom isn't willing to split the mortgage! He doesn't want his name on the house.. why?? Is he having second thoughts about his relationship with you? Is there the slightest possibility he may leave you with that house to pay for alone? Why would you buy a house with someone you're not married to? Just a few questions to think about hun. Buying a house is like having a child, its a long term commitment. Not something you can just walk away from. If I were you, I'd take this with a grain of salt and continue to rent until something changed.



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sbreece
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:33 AM
4 moms liked this
Of course he says that. He wants a new house to live in without the responsibility of it.


Quoting didyouthink76:

He says he does want to be with me forever, but wont get engaged yet. 


Quoting meganisamom:

Do not waste your VA loan on this guy. Why is he pressuring you to do this if he doesn't even want to be with you forever? Don't do it. You'll regret it 100%



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Megan11587
by Megan on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:36 AM

If he is not willing to be on the mortgage with you, DO NOT purchase a house with him.  If he splits, you're stuck paying the mortgage on your own.

GirlWithANikon
by Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:38 AM

dont buy a house with a bf of 2 years. Especially if he cant get approved for a loan and its all on you. And you are getting approved for certain stuff either.

To me this says

1. you two need to work on a downpayment and credit score and pick a house in your financial means so the bank feels you can make the monthly payments.

2. have you actually compared the 2 year relationship to forever? Forever is a looooooooooong time. Some people live very long lives. I wouldnt buy a house with anyone after just 2 years. You don't know them or the relationship well enough in my personal opinion. JMO.

the.real.me
by Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:39 AM

well, all these other women are probably right...  do you have plans to get married? why dont you get married first?

I'll put a little tidbit in here from another perspective though.  I'm getting married to a man and we are buying a house (we actually close on tues) and when it came up about being on the mortgage to be approved for a higher amount I didnt want to...   why? because I claimed bankrupcy before him and didnt tell him. I didnt want him to feel like I was 'baggage' and was ashamed of having to do it.....  so theres that...............  maybe?

didyouthink76
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:59 AM

I do have a couple things on my credit report that I dont want him knowing about.....but still he isnt even trying.  But if you apply together you should be fine i think. 

Quoting the.real.me:

well, all these other women are probably right...  do you have plans to get married? why dont you get married first?

I'll put a little tidbit in here from another perspective though.  I'm getting married to a man and we are buying a house (we actually close on tues) and when it came up about being on the mortgage to be approved for a higher amount I didnt want to...   why? because I claimed bankrupcy before him and didnt tell him. I didnt want him to feel like I was 'baggage' and was ashamed of having to do it.....  so theres that...............  maybe?


didyouthink76
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:00 PM

I totally understand what you are saying.  i personally hate the city i live in and am working to buying a new home for me and my kids. 

Quoting sbreece:

Oh honey.. back out now! Before you get any further in than you have to..


Quoting didyouthink76:

To me when I mentioned to him again last night to buy "together" with both names on the loan, he won't do it.  To me.....that means that he has really no intention of having any type of long term future with me.  I asked to just be ENGAGED and he says he isnt ready. 


Quoting sbreece:

Red flag! Don't buy a house with someone whom isn't willing to split the mortgage! He doesn't want his name on the house.. why?? Is he having second thoughts about his relationship with you? Is there the slightest possibility he may leave you with that house to pay for alone? Why would you buy a house with someone you're not married to? Just a few questions to think about hun. Buying a house is like having a child, its a long term commitment. Not something you can just walk away from. If I were you, I'd take this with a grain of salt and continue to rent until something changed.




the.real.me
by Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:26 PM
no, I meant maybe HE has credit issues he doesn't want you knowing about... I was using my situation as an example.


Quoting didyouthink76:

I do have a couple things on my credit report that I dont want him knowing about.....but still he isnt even trying.  But if you apply together you should be fine i think. 


Quoting the.real.me:

well, all these other women are probably right...  do you have plans to get married? why dont you get married first?


I'll put a little tidbit in here from another perspective though.  I'm getting married to a man and we are buying a house (we actually close on tues) and when it came up about being on the mortgage to be approved for a higher amount I didnt want to...   why? because I claimed bankrupcy before him and didnt tell him. I didnt want him to feel like I was 'baggage' and was ashamed of having to do it.....  so theres that...............  maybe?



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shilohkitten
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:43 PM

THISTHISTHISTHIS!!!!!!

And NEVER buy a house with someone you are not married to.  Marriage = way more rights when you divide property.  I bought a house with my H while engaged but only under the agreement that we would get married within a month of buying it.

And we got married within 12 days of closing.  

Why is it such a problem that you DON'T have a house?  And being that you're not married, WHY do you need one?

Your BF sounds cracked and I would never buy a house with him.  Tell him to go get his own house. 

Quoting sbreece:

Red flag! Don't buy a house with someone whom isn't willing to split the mortgage! He doesn't want his name on the house.. why?? Is he having second thoughts about his relationship with you? Is there the slightest possibility he may leave you with that house to pay for alone? Why would you buy a house with someone you're not married to? Just a few questions to think about hun. Buying a house is like having a child, its a long term commitment. Not something you can just walk away from. If I were you, I'd take this with a grain of salt and continue to rent until something changed.


shilohkitten
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:44 PM

You have answered your own questions about this situation.  

If he has no intention of being with you long term then he DOES NOT DESERVE A HOUSE with you.


Quoting didyouthink76:

To me when I mentioned to him again last night to buy "together" with both names on the loan, he won't do it.  To me.....that means that he has really no intention of having any type of long term future with me.  I asked to just be ENGAGED and he says he isnt ready. 

Quoting sbreece:

Red flag! Don't buy a house with someone whom isn't willing to split the mortgage! He doesn't want his name on the house.. why?? Is he having second thoughts about his relationship with you? Is there the slightest possibility he may leave you with that house to pay for alone? Why would you buy a house with someone you're not married to? Just a few questions to think about hun. Buying a house is like having a child, its a long term commitment. Not something you can just walk away from. If I were you, I'd take this with a grain of salt and continue to rent until something changed.



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