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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Im confused.....did i screw up?

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The bf of two years and I have been trying to buy a house for about 8 months.  He always puts the pressure on me stating "well you have a va loan, so you do it".  I have asked him to try in his name, and he says he did a few months ago but they wont approve him for the full loan amount.  I told him that our current contract we are in that i dont have my va loan paper and i got denied for fha loan.  He just keeps putting the pressure back on me.

So yesterday as I was texting him, he says "im leaving work and will be home to talk about this important matter."  He has never done this.  I feel like he has become so distant lately, but maybe it is me overreacting.  He doesnt want to try in his name, but pressures me to do it.  If he wanted to be with me forever like he says, then wouldnt he want to try to help me?  Im confused.

I finally got through to him today and told him how things were. If he wanted to keep me.....he needs to get on contract with me and buy house TOGETHER. He will have to get loan in his name. Low and behold......he is doing both. 

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 8:33 AM
Replies (41-50):
thecoffeefairy
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 2:48 PM
2 moms liked this
Do not buy a house with ANYONE your not married to. Don't have a joint bank account. Don't get into any debt you can't pay for on your own. Tell him to stuff it! If he wants all that, he can marry you. Otherwise he can deal with the status quo. Don't let him push you. Tell him YOU are not ready.
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otoole
by Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 3:24 PM

shes right

Quoting sbreece:

Red flag! Don't buy a house with someone whom isn't willing to split the mortgage! He doesn't want his name on the house.. why?? Is he having second thoughts about his relationship with you? Is there the slightest possibility he may leave you with that house to pay for alone? Why would you buy a house with someone you're not married to? Just a few questions to think about hun. Buying a house is like having a child, its a long term commitment. Not something you can just walk away from. If I were you, I'd take this with a grain of salt and continue to rent until something changed.


Acid
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 4:27 PM

I bought a house with someone I'm not married to.

Still together, 13 years later.  I suppose if you choose your men from the bottom of the man pond, then your answer might apply though.

Quoting sbreece:

Red flag! Don't buy a house with someone whom isn't willing to split the mortgage! He doesn't want his name on the house.. why?? Is he having second thoughts about his relationship with you? Is there the slightest possibility he may leave you with that house to pay for alone? Why would you buy a house with someone you're not married to? Just a few questions to think about hun. Buying a house is like having a child, its a long term commitment. Not something you can just walk away from. If I were you, I'd take this with a grain of salt and continue to rent until something changed.


Only when the last tree has been cut down,
Only when the last river has been poisoned,
Only when the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten.

— Cree Indian Prophecy

Metteba
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 5:23 PM

So, what are you complaing about??? He did it, as ordered. 

 Never buy a house with a BF or a Husband...you will be the one stuck with mortgage and worrying and aging sooner than need be.   While he is living it up with his Little Young Thang.  LOL.  You should buy the house for yourself and that way you can kick him out!!! LOL.

MrsMetalMama
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 5:26 PM
What she said


Quoting sbreece:

Red flag! Don't buy a house with someone whom isn't willing to split the mortgage! He doesn't want his name on the house.. why?? Is he having second thoughts about his relationship with you? Is there the slightest possibility he may leave you with that house to pay for alone? Why would you buy a house with someone you're not married to? Just a few questions to think about hun. Buying a house is like having a child, its a long term commitment. Not something you can just walk away from. If I were you, I'd take this with a grain of salt and continue to rent until something changed.

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Krysden
by Platinum Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 5:29 PM

glad you seem to have worked things out

rayroe2
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:25 PM

 so why don't you want to marry him? how does a house prove he wants to be with you?

sbreece
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:28 PM
My answer applies to her. Her man isn't willing to share anything with her. He wants her to do it alone. That's not fair. You are lucky to have found a man ok with not being married but still sharing something like a mortgage. OP's man does not even want to get engaged let alone married.


Quoting Acid:

I bought a house with someone I'm not married to.

Still together, 13 years later.  I suppose if you choose your men from the bottom of the man pond, then your answer might apply though.


Quoting sbreece:

Red flag! Don't buy a house with someone whom isn't willing to split the mortgage! He doesn't want his name on the house.. why?? Is he having second thoughts about his relationship with you? Is there the slightest possibility he may leave you with that house to pay for alone? Why would you buy a house with someone you're not married to? Just a few questions to think about hun. Buying a house is like having a child, its a long term commitment. Not something you can just walk away from. If I were you, I'd take this with a grain of salt and continue to rent until something changed.



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ShannaBee
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:28 PM
This


Quoting sbreece:

Red flag! Don't buy a house with someone whom isn't willing to split the mortgage! He doesn't want his name on the house.. why?? Is he having second thoughts about his relationship with you? Is there the slightest possibility he may leave you with that house to pay for alone? Why would you buy a house with someone you're not married to? Just a few questions to think about hun. Buying a house is like having a child, its a long term commitment. Not something you can just walk away from. If I were you, I'd take this with a grain of salt and continue to rent until something changed.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sbreece
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:29 PM
1 mom liked this
She does want to marry him. He doesn't even want to talk about getting engaged. That's what's so crazy. He wants her to put the loan in her name. He doesn't want his name on anything. He sounds like an ass.


Quoting rayroe2:

 so why don't you want to marry him? how does a house prove he wants to be with you?


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