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don't have name for post, just mad at me

Posted by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 5:54 PM
  • 25 Replies

Ladies, if you please.

I'm woman enough to admit it's all my fault my relationship is going down the drain with my husband, and no I don't mean considering divorce just not close like we should be. We have fought endlessly against my family to stay together. It was worse when they found out I was pregnant, because they thought they could just keep me under house arrest even after we got married. 

We have fought through it all for our love, and I'm the one to hurt it. We had two days to move into my brother's old house that is falling apart and still full of their crap. We have been here almost a year, and I still haven't got this house under control. 

I know he hates coming home after working ungodly hours to a mess. I'm trying to get it under control, but his irritability hurts when he comes home and asks if I plan to clean the rest of the house then looks doubtful I can. I don't blame him for being how he's been, still hurt though.

This month my mind is determined he will have a house and family he can be proud of. The rooms vistors would ever see are back under control, not perfect but getting there, and I've started getting serious about working out. Maybe I've let it go to long. I really to get that insatiable feeling that nothing is right unless we are touching back between us. I still feel that way, but I get rejected anymore.

I'm trying to convince him to go on some date "days" with me since he works nights. It's been over six months since our last. I don't if I'm posting for date day ideas, advice, or just to vent on myself, but thanks for listening.

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 5:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bmcandmmh
by Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 5:57 PM
I think you Definetly need a date night!!
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luvcloudydays
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 5:58 PM
LULWUT
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
vig5179
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 6:17 PM

yes i do

Quoting bmcandmmh:

I think you Definetly need a date night!!


Metteba
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 6:20 PM

I guess your a SAHM? If you are, you should always have a clean house, no excuses for not having a nice home for your man to come home too, after all he works hard and you don't.  (ouch!)  Oh, are you a big girl? and is your man a good looking slim guy?  You sound like you whine about everything? Not really sure how you can get determined to have a nice house and family....maybe you shuld do him a favor and let him go, help you before you can make someone happy.  Just a thought. 

OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 6:23 PM

 Do you work on cleaning it everyday?  Are you a SAHM or do you work?  Is he pitching in at all? 

If you're working on it, then you have nothing to be sorry about.  He shouldn't be treating you like you're somehow beneath him. 

vig5179
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 6:33 PM

You're right. I am a sahm, and I don't have any excuse. That's why I am mad at myself. My working out is because I know the better I feel the better wife I am, not because as you put it big girl, slim guy. Yes I do whine to myself, not to DH. But geez is the answer to EVERY post on this site to LEAVE. What happened to extra motivation? Does no one believe it possible to stay together anymore? I know my post is super whiney and talking about issues of mine, but geez people!

Quoting Metteba:

I guess your a SAHM? If you are, you should always have a clean house, no excuses for not having a nice home for your man to come home too, after all he works hard and you don't.  (ouch!)  Oh, are you a big girl? and is your man a good looking slim guy?  You sound like you whine about everything? Not really sure how you can get determined to have a nice house and family....maybe you shuld do him a favor and let him go, help you before you can make someone happy.  Just a thought. 


vig5179
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 6:40 PM

sahm. I have until lately, just been doing speed cleaning for like 30 min to an hour, so it was getting dirtier than I was getting clean. It's better now. Yay. No he doesn't, but I don't feel he should either. 

Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 Do you work on cleaning it everyday?  Are you a SAHM or do you work?  Is he pitching in at all? 

If you're working on it, then you have nothing to be sorry about.  He shouldn't be treating you like you're somehow beneath him. 


jacobsmommy84
by Bronze Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 6:53 PM
2 moms liked this
Hun, are you serious??
Stop it... Seriously. Your hubby works how many hours a day? And then comes home and does....... Um...... What now?
You are expected to raise your kids, clean the house, etc. 24/7....
Unless he has a 24/7 job as well, he needs to shut his mouth.
That's his kid too. That's his home as well....
My hubby agrees with me that parenting is 50/50. A marriage is 50/50.

I know this is probably crazy, but it would make you feel better and gain more self confidence in yourself instead of being cooped up in a house all day with your child trying to please your husband...
Go get a part time job.
Tell your husband to help out!!
You can work for a few hours in the morning it sounds like before he goes to work and then he'll know what it's like to be in your shoes!
Even if it's just for a few hours!!
Bet you, his opinion of you changes. You'll get some time to socialize and also help out with the bills...

It will help you alot!

My hubby didn't realize how hard raising children was until I went back to work part-time so we could have dual insurance for our youngest who has medical problems. Now he's soooo happy when I have a day off and we have time together and he appreciates what I do as a mom 100% more than he ever did before.

Just try it. Or suggest it to your hobby at least.... I bet you anything it will throw him off his pedestal for at least a second and realize he really DOES want you home.




Quoting vig5179:

You're right. I am a sahm, and I don't have any excuse. That's why I am mad at myself. My working out is because I know the better I feel the better wife I am, not because as you put it big girl, slim guy. Yes I do whine to myself, not to DH. But geez is the answer to EVERY post on this site to LEAVE. What happened to extra motivation? Does no one believe it possible to stay together anymore? I know my post is super whiney and talking about issues of mine, but geez people!


Quoting Metteba:

I guess your a SAHM? If you are, you should always have a clean house, no excuses for not having a nice home for your man to come home too, after all he works hard and you don't.  (ouch!)  Oh, are you a big girl? and is your man a good looking slim guy?  You sound like you whine about everything? Not really sure how you can get determined to have a nice house and family....maybe you shuld do him a favor and let him go, help you before you can make someone happy.  Just a thought. 



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meganisamom
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:02 PM
The reason your house is a mess is because you're depressed. You need to get that in check before you can do anything else. Your husband works. And while he's working you should be cleaning. And then when he's home, He should be helping with everything else. It's his home and his family too. Maybe you can get some help? Family or a cleaning lady? But you need to see someone for that depression.
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rayroe2
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:06 PM
1 mom liked this

 your story is really all over the place and I know how it is to vent and just not make much sense....so do you not have his family or your around to help? when you just move into a house and other people crap is there family either needs to help or husband because that is not a women job with little ones always running around......if he works night try having your kids in bed and then just get you caffeine high going and just CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN don't think about how bad you are think about how great this house is going to look once it is done then maintain it. It took me a whole year to get are apartment under control because there was just NO where to put things so my husband family came over and helped me get organized and since then I got a great system going and my house hasn't got to dirty, your husband needs to realize that a house is going to look lived in, also ask your dh what bothers him the most about the house and he cant just say the whole house you need specifics so you can make him happy, then you will get things that make you happy once the house is function, a man needs a women to run his life so if she cant run a house hold, it starts to make man uneasy. I don't get why you have to workout and what that has to do with anything as he told you that is an issue?

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