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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

don't have name for post, just mad at me

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Ladies, if you please.

I'm woman enough to admit it's all my fault my relationship is going down the drain with my husband, and no I don't mean considering divorce just not close like we should be. We have fought endlessly against my family to stay together. It was worse when they found out I was pregnant, because they thought they could just keep me under house arrest even after we got married. 

We have fought through it all for our love, and I'm the one to hurt it. We had two days to move into my brother's old house that is falling apart and still full of their crap. We have been here almost a year, and I still haven't got this house under control. 

I know he hates coming home after working ungodly hours to a mess. I'm trying to get it under control, but his irritability hurts when he comes home and asks if I plan to clean the rest of the house then looks doubtful I can. I don't blame him for being how he's been, still hurt though.

This month my mind is determined he will have a house and family he can be proud of. The rooms vistors would ever see are back under control, not perfect but getting there, and I've started getting serious about working out. Maybe I've let it go to long. I really to get that insatiable feeling that nothing is right unless we are touching back between us. I still feel that way, but I get rejected anymore.

I'm trying to convince him to go on some date "days" with me since he works nights. It's been over six months since our last. I don't if I'm posting for date day ideas, advice, or just to vent on myself, but thanks for listening.

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 5:54 PM
Replies (21-25):
vig5179
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 1:39 AM

Thank you very much for your comment. I will, I'll let you know how it goes

Quoting katamike:

I know how you feel hun, i was there once. It hurts, it really does.  not trying to run you in the dirt here, but with DH in the early years of our marriage the first thing that ticked him off was a messy house. Sometimes we just get so wrapped up in life that we forget about the little things, which turn out to be the really big things. :( And as far as all the women who are suggesting you  "let him go" Shame on them! I would go on a cleaning rampage, and i mean clean, cut off internet and everything for a week and make that your ONLY focus. Then do something nice for him, give him a compliment. Make his lunch for work, set out his clothes, make him a nice "lunch" since you said he works nights, instead of a dinner. Make sure you let him know how much you appreciate him and what he does for your family. He will act like he doesn't hear you, and it will hurt. But believe me it works. Men need to feel like men, they need to be needed, loved, and cared for. The best of luck to you and i hope this helps, I am by no means a relationship expert, and it is just the grace of god that i am in a good marriage now. Because it wasnt always so easy. Also, i dont know you  personally, so i dont know if you do this or not, but absolutey no nagging, dont nag him about the date nights, yes you need one but take a week and see if this helps, then bring it up to him again. good luck!


Lucky2BaMomof2
by Bronze Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 1:43 AM
Fly lady helped me... Got me to pace myself... I would spewed clean, burn myself out, get depressed, do nothing... Start over again..

I got dx'd with caregivers burn out... Not depression...

The fly lady saved my sanity...

You can do it! Hugs!

Don't best yourself up, it happens to everyone at some point...

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CameronsMommy23
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 2:14 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree with this! A) Don't be so hard on yourself!! B) Ask him to help out, regardless of him working or not he can help you catch up or at anytime. It should be a partnership right? C) Organize, organize, organize! Get totes, bins, etc. Throw away broken, old junk. Donate good items that aren't used. You can do this!!!! Dont listen to the negative comments. Believe in yourself, ask for his help, and things will get better. ;)

Quoting MagicTemptation:

How many kids do you have at home? 

I agree with some of the others, it sounds like you might be depressed, and that can really sap your energy and motivation to do anything. When I clean I have the music on loud. It helps my mood. I am a mother of 6, ages 8 and under. We live in a small house. There isn't much storage space. I bought a lot of wall shelves and cabinets, organizers that can fit under the beds, 5 drawer bins/storage containers. A coffee table that doubles into a storage box.  You know those over the door show holders? I put one on almost every door. For the kids room it can hold their small toys and craft stuff, in the bathroom it holds extra bottles and brushes, first aid etc... Donate or throw out what you really don't need. Condense your shoes, clothing, niknaks and such. If you really don't need that much of something, and it is just taking up space, why have it to cause clutter you have to clean? 

I think parenting should be shared. Both of us work. On the days I work, he runs the home and cleaning while I am at work, once I am home we split it and give each other a small break and vise versa. When he just worked, then he would come home to a clean house and dinner, once he is home he focuses on being daddy. When the kids are down then we get our time. Same when I was the only one working. If your husband is working 6-7 days a week and 8-12 hours a day, I don't think he should have to come home to a dirty house. He should be able to come home, and enjoy seeing you and the kids. On his day off, give him one project that you need help with. 

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RoseBlossom
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 2:31 AM
1 mom liked this

i am lazy as a mofo, but i make sure to at least have the house 'picked up' not even super clean, because thats how he knew me when we first got together. he only complains when the house is destroyed and usually thats just me being super lazy or a homework day lol. at least just pick up and try to have a nice dinner waiting, it doesnt even have to be homemade and shit, just throw something together, hes a guy, he wants simple things hahah, and as for working out, how long does that take? all day? dont use that as an excuse, just admit youre lazy, we all have our faults

samanthabecker
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 11:45 AM
Wow snarky much? You don't need to be a bitch

Quoting Metteba:

I guess your a SAHM? If you are, you should always have a clean house, no excuses for not having a nice home for your man to come home too, after all he works hard and you don't.  (ouch!)  Oh, are you a big girl? and is your man a good looking slim guy?  You sound like you whine about everything? Not really sure how you can get determined to have a nice house and family....maybe you shuld do him a favor and let him go, help you before you can make someone happy.  Just a thought. 

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