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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Need to vent and seeking advice..

Posted by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:20 PM
  • 9 Replies

I will try to be as short as possible.  A few months ago my boyfriend and I split up.  He moved out and was trying to figure things out (his words)  Midlife crisis (my words) Anyway during this time he became friendly and started to date a co-worker.  This lasted for a few months.  Then he called me clear out out the blue, said he screwed up and begged me to take him back.  I did and we have been back together for almost 2 months.  The problem I have is he is still in contact with her and I don't know if I should be mad at this or not.  Is it me being insecure or would other woman have a problem with this.  I found his phone the other day and saw that he called her recently and they were on the phone for 30 minutes.  so I questioned him and he got mad but did admit that they are still friends and talk to each other.  He says she is having problems and needs a friend.  What I don't understand is why can't she find other friends.  Why does it have to be him?? I found out she is calling him also.  I basically told him it's me or her.  You need to stop calling her.  I feel it's disrespectful to me for him to be talking to her.  he says for me to trust him, but it makes me wonder if he still wants her too.  Any suggestions, comments...etcblank stare 

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:20 PM
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Replies (1-9):
ShannaBee
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:27 PM
1 mom liked this
I'd be upset too. Tell him that you are uncomfortable with the friendship. You two really need to talk and find a compromise.
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Amanda7409
by Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:29 PM
1 mom liked this
Not ok at all....
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bubbles72
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:31 PM

We've been doing alot of talking.  I told him how uncomfortable I was and he said that they are only friend.  I told him I would rather him not talk to her and he said that he wouldn't.  Is this too much to ask?  Or should I let him talk to her and trust him?  what would you do?


Amanda7409
by Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:53 PM
1 mom liked this
I would do what you did.... you can't build a relationship without trust and this girl put a wedge in that trust... maybe one day you could all be friends but its not that day yet Kim?

Quoting bubbles72:

We've been doing alot of talking.  I told him how uncomfortable I was and he said that they are only friend.  I told him I would rather him not talk to her and he said that he wouldn't.  Is this too much to ask?  Or should I let him talk to her and trust him?  what would you do?


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bellebear
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 9:21 PM
How can you trust him again?? I wouldn't. He has to earn your trust again. You said the right thing and he should not be talking to her. Personally I would not have taken him back.
foxysugarlove
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 9:36 PM
1 mom liked this

IMO that's not OK. You're right, it's disrespectful and his "friendship" with her is not only unnecessary, it's stopping the two of you from moving forward and healing. Does he get that? imho he hadn't made a choice between the two of you. He reconnected with you but is still trying to be involved with her offering emotional "support". I'd ask dh if he really wanted to recommit, and if he said yes, I'd tell him to stop all communciation with her. The two of you together tell her he'll no longer be contacting her so everything is openly communicated. Don't let anyone convince u you're insecure/wrong because you're not, I really can't see anyone being ok with that. sorry and GL

xoxRachelxox
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 9:36 PM
1 mom liked this

I would be upset too. There's no reason he needs to talk to her anymore. I don't buy that, we're friend crap. If they don't have kids together, there's no reason to keep talking.

I would not be happy.

MamaSince2005
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:29 PM
No that's not ok. He is probably just using you. Do not let him treat you like a door mat and play with your heart.
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Lefty38
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 11:38 PM
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My thing is, If you've seen her naked and f%^$%# her, then there will be no, we're just friends now, and talking and texting each other. I don't think so.  It's disrespectful. The way I see it, you're not together anymore, let it go, move on, burn that damn bridge. And if she's having problems, I guarantee she has other FRIENDS she can turn to.  If he can see this is a problem for you, it upsets you, and he gets mad when you mention it instead of cutting ties with this woman, that would be a real problem for me.  'Trust me' my ass.....

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