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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Would this bother you or am i overreacting?

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Bf of 2 years almost always comes to bed and cuddles immediately. He has had cold so didn't want to. For the past week even since he felt better he won't cuddle. Will lay with his.back to me and won't touch. Granted we had awesome sex Sunday night but I'm wondering what I did wrong for him not touch me? I said to him this morning "what you don't like laying near me in bed anymore?" He says "what! You have an issue with that because I want to lay this way! you're ridiculous!" What do I do?

by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 7:55 AM
Replies (151-160):
Euphorikmomma
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 3:31 PM

From what I gather from this post and your last one I read about a month or two ago, You are the one that seems to read too much into things, not the women that YOU asked advice from.  I have been with my DF for about 2 years now and while we used to cuddle every night, it does not happen as often now.  Do I freak out and punish him (because that is what you are doing)? No, I think you REALLY need to work on your communication skills, maybe he reacted the way you did because of HOW you worded or came across with your question, because from my point of view it sounds very accusatory.

timswife_momof2
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 4:12 PM

Me and my husband used to cuddle all the time when we first got married and we slept on each other and now I like to lay on my side and i sleep better that way and feel better in the morning. we cuddle for a few then i turn over and go to sleep.

so maybe like me he just discovered a new position that he likes better and if u are still having sex which u said u did sunday night then whats the problem?

livn4hevn
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 4:35 PM
1 mom liked this

I guess it's odd, but not really a recipe for disaster.

just cuddle up on him if you want to. You guys are in a steady relationship so why not? You can cuddle whenever you want. Initiate. If he refuses you, ask why.

SareyF
by Sarah on Oct. 6, 2012 at 5:04 PM
If my significant other communicated as you seem to, I probably wouldn't want to snuggle with them either. Accusations, distrust, being argumentative, withholding sex/affection, being spiteful and petty, being immature. Relationships go through ups and downs in affection. Relationships are not always 50/50. Two wrongs don't make a right. He probably feels defensive because you don't seem very rational or calm. Grow up a bit. When so many are telling you the same thing, maybe you should listen and take a long, hard look at yourself.
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MomToovey
by Marianne on Oct. 6, 2012 at 5:08 PM
2 moms liked this

 

Forgive us for being confused. You're right, you never did say that the two of you didn't cuddle when he was sick, at least not in so many words. However, you did say that he didn't want to and we weren't told that you ended up cuddling anyway, so we took the pieces of the puzzle we were given and put them together and got our own picture. If you ended up having to correct a lot of people, that's why.

Now, on to the issue at hand. Why does no cuddling automatically mean no intimacy or sex? There are many ways to be intimate. Yes, cuddling and sex can be very intimate. Hugs and kisses throughout the day, or holding hands can be as well. But you don't even need to physically touch each other to be intimate. Talking to each other, truly opening up and sharing with each other, is incredibly intimate. Spending quality time together is incredibly intimate.

If you're able to go out on dates with any kind of regularity, do so. Don't do the boring ol' cliche of dinner and a movie. Do something fun that you both can enjoy and really share with each other. Maybe bowling and desserts. Go dancing. Or play a sport. Anything that you both consider fun, that allows you to keep the lines of communication open, and that won't get mundane.

Not able to get out? No problem! Date nights in are equally effective! You can cook or bake together (yep, after the kids are asleep). Late candlelit dinners, dancing, video and/or board games, or even just talking. Some fun topics to cover on date nights in are things like reminiscing about the past, fantasizing about the future, or planning out what you'd do with a winning lottery ticket :)

Spending time together and becoming emotionally available to each other - that's intimacy. People forget that intimacy doesn't need to be achieved by physical touch.

And as far as the trust, talk to him. Let him know how his behavior has led you to feel. Avoid any language or tone that may make him think he's getting blamed for something (he's not going to listen if he thinks you're accusing him). Keep the conversation about you. Play the problem, not the victim. And ask him for his help to resolve the situation. Also, give him a chance to let you know how he's feeling too.

Good luck

Quoting Ladybug1260:

I did lay with him when he had his cold.  I didnt deny that.  If he chooses to lay the way he is now then that would create a problem because no cuddling in bed.....no intimacy or sex for him and trust me I can hold a grudge for a loooooong time. 

Quoting JuliFox:

You wouldn't snuggle with him while he had his cold; maybe he discovered that he's more comfortable lying the way he does now. Don't take every little thing so personally.

 

 



Mommy2BeAmy
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 5:11 PM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like he's being sarcastic. Idk you should ask him why no more cuddles

Btw you can't say overreacting without ovary lol
NiCo86
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 5:33 PM
1 mom liked this

that's childish of you ... but it sounds to me like he has something on his mind, or has an issue or something. Perhaps trying to convey your feelings about not cuddling and then asking him if there's a problem that he might want to talk about. Just explain that cuddling is very important to you. communication, in most situations, is key to over coming a problem.

Quoting Ladybug1260:

I did lay with him when he had his cold.  I didnt deny that.  If he chooses to lay the way he is now then that would create a problem because no cuddling in bed.....no intimacy or sex for him and trust me I can hold a grudge for a loooooong time. 

Quoting JuliFox:

You wouldn't snuggle with him while he had his cold; maybe he discovered that he's more comfortable lying the way he does now. Don't take every little thing so personally.



EvilQueenMommy
by Bronze Member on Oct. 6, 2012 at 5:43 PM

I hate cuddling in bed. I always turn away from the hubs to sleep. I hope it doesn't offend him.

edgymom24
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 5:48 PM

i think you're overreacting. just let it go

EcoModernMom
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 5:48 PM

honestly i's be upset too, i like to cuddle until one of us drift then i don't care what happens rest of night, lol. it's a way too connect and stay close (more than physically). maybe somethings bothering him? have you tried snuggling him instead of him you?

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