So my husband and I are recently married and have had very different opinions on finances from the begining and have never had a clear conversation detailing what we expect from eachother. The conversation will usually result in an argument and both of us walking away without a resolution.
With that being said, I come from a very traditional up bringing in the sense that the husband was the bread winner and the mother stayed home with the children. Since my husband has a considerablly higher income than I do I didn't think it was going to be a problem when we had our daughter and we decided I would work only part-time. Well...I have cut my hours at work even farther...at my husbands request because ultimately it is easier for him to tell me not to work that to take care of our daughter, but that is an entirely different post. I have changed my schedule at work a hundred times to try and make it more convenient for him, working days, evenings, nights, weekends only...but he seemed to have a problem no matter what time I was gone. While I miss the independence of having my own career I was relieved when he told me to cut my hours because frankly I was tired of the stress of receiving phone calls at work about her waking up in the middle of the night, her crying, not eating dinner, refusing bath time...whatever it was, there was now way I could manage those problems from work so I would sit there for my 12hour shift worried about what was happening at home.
But the problem lies in the fact that he has not offered any financial support since I have cut my hours. We have kept our finances very seperate...he has his bank account, I have mine and we have a joint one together, but it has no money in it and we opened just because we got married. Because he is the primary bread winner and is making 6figures he pays for the expenses of the house...we are renting right now. He does utilities, and rent, preschool and covers his own debts and I do groceries and the expenses for our daughter and pay my own debts. I approached him this morning and told him that I didn't think working only 12 hours was going to be sustainable for me and he basically told me I am already living for free what do I need more than 200 dollars a week for (which is what I am making per week). I AM SO MAD. first of all he put me in this position and told me to stop working and then resents the fact that he has been providing for his family?! what is that?! Part of what is bothering me so much is that what's his is his and mine is mine. I just imagined it to be differently when we were married.
It is awkward for me to have to ask for help financially as I have been so independent for so long. But there has to be a better way than this. How do you and your husband split finances? Do you combine bills like cell phones/car insurance, etc? Who is the primary bread winner? Can I ask him to help me pay my bills without seeming entitled?