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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I don't feel like I'm married but I am

Posted by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 2:11 PM
  • 13 Replies
My DH does things and doesn't tell me and if I ask him to do one thing he doesn't do it. I hate it so much and I know he works so much but I'm getting so mad that he keeps saying that he is tired and that's why he doesn't do what I ask him to do.
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by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 2:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MrsMetalMama
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 2:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like a man
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
scoleman828
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 2:16 PM
Yep!

Quoting MrsMetalMama:

Sounds like a man
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
melisawoosley
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 2:18 PM


Quoting scoleman828:

Yep!



Quoting MrsMetalMama:

Sounds like a man
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MomToovey
by Marianne on Oct. 6, 2012 at 4:36 PM
2 moms liked this

 Talk to him about it. I mean a real discussion where you share your feelings and avoid any kind of language or tone that may make him feel accused of something (after all, he's not going to listen if he feels that way). Let him know you'd appreciate if he told you when he does something, and let him know that you need help around the house. Let him also express his feelings on the subject.

As far as him claiming to be too tired, believe him. My DH works 50 hour weeks in the slow season and I'm very familiar with men needing some time to decompress. Give him that time. Allow him to come home, undress, maybe even have some time completely alone - whatever he needs to make himself ready for time at home. Then after he's been home for a bit, ask him for his help with something. Don't tell him to do it, ask for his help. And only ask once. And if he doesn't do it in what you consider to be a timely manner, don't do it for him - you're only proving you can do it yourself and don't need the help. When he does help, don't criticize. We're all different, and we all do the same things differently. Just because it's not done your way doesn't mean it's wrong. Pay attention to the end result. Is the task completed? Is everyone safe and healthy? Then that's all that matters. A nice "thank you", and some happy quality time together will be incentive for him to continue helping out.

Good luck

RavenDravenF
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:30 PM
Quoting MomToovey:

 Talk to him about it. I mean a real discussion where you share your feelings and avoid any kind of language or tone that may make him feel accused of something (after all, he's not going to listen if he feels that way). Let him know you'd appreciate if he told you when he does something, and let him know that you need help around the house. Let him also express his feelings on the subject.


As far as him claiming to be too tired, believe him. My DH works 50 hour weeks in the slow season and I'm very familiar with men needing some time to decompress. Give him that time. Allow him to come home, undress, maybe even have some time completely alone - whatever he needs to make himself ready for time at home. Then after he's been home for a bit, ask him for his help with something. Don't tell him to do it, ask for his help. And only ask once. And if he doesn't do it in what you consider to be a timely manner, don't do it for him - you're only proving you can do it yourself and don't need the help. When he does help, don't criticize. We're all different, and we all do the same things differently. Just because it's not done your way doesn't mean it's wrong. Pay attention to the end result. Is the task completed? Is everyone safe and healthy? Then that's all that matters. A nice "thank you", and some happy quality time together will be incentive for him to continue helping out.


Good luck




Now I have tried that and he is part-time so he should help also I have been up for at less 2 months with DD.
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Iconoclast
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:59 PM
Quoting RavenDravenF:




If you have tried to do what Momtoovey stated then you need to try again. If you can't spare the time to make your marriage work then what was the incentive to get married in the first place? I know that sounds snarky but I asking you to think about why you two are married, why it is important to continue to try and fix situations now instead of letting the anger fester, communication. Now will not only fix your current issue but will make things easier in the future when larger issue rear their head. Good luck to you.
earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Oct. 7, 2012 at 3:41 PM

im sorry hugs good luck fingers crossed

View Full Size Image YVONNE

ShannaBee
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 7:15 PM
1 mom liked this

I've been there with my DH. I finally talked to him and told him some things have got to change. Things are better but it seems I hvae to remind him from time to time.

RavenDravenF
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:50 PM

BUMP!

alexsmomaubrys2
by Silver Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 9:11 PM

How long have you been married?

Sounds like you need a non confrontational discussion about it all.

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