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I'm done something has to give!

Posted by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:36 AM
  • 10 Replies
Help me make sense of things. The only way to put it is Dh is being a complete butt. Some examples of his butt like behavior are these: today I took the boys to the library. Dh decided he didn't want to go. He was going to stay home with our 2 year old during naptime. I came into the livingroom where he was vegged out on the couch looking up hat designs. I came in to let him know we were leaving. He looks up and says, "you're in here bugging me you must want me to do something so what the help do you want." I said nothing and walked out the door. I was gone 2 hours and when I got back at 4:30pm he was still sitting on the couch doing nothing. I asked where Aiden was and he said still sleeping. I told him he was only supposed to sleep til at the latest 4pm. He just looked at me and said is it that late already. I said dude you haven't done nothing but sit on the couch was I asking too much of you. He just rolled his eyes. Thursday was a busy day for me. I had to take my W year old to the doctor, the hospital for xrays , back to the doctors, pick up my 5 year old from school, take him to behavior therapist, take him to piano, pick up 2 year olds meds, head home where I make dinner, give boys a bath and get them ready for bed. Dh came home and was acting like he had a long day. He worked from 6am to 1pm then met up with a buddy for lunch and to go over blueprints. He spent the rest of the day at the shooting range. Didn't get home until 7pm. His words were, "boy am I beat. Tough having a sick kid. Hopefully he gets feeling better soon." I was thinking to myself you didn't do anything regarding our sick kid. You went to lunch and the shooting range. What a tough day. He went in to take a shower and put pj's on. He didn't come out of the bedroom because he fell asleep watching a baseball game. I had his dinner heated up in the microwave but he never came to eat it. These are just some of the things I have been dealing with. Everytime I'm in the same room with him I can feel the tention. I feel like he's a ticking time bomb that could explode emotionally at any minute. He knit picks the kids and if I don't agree with him he goes postal. Acusses me of never supporting him and being negative toward him. Like tonight he showed me a picture of a house he painted. I said I didn't like the color and he flipped out telling me would it kill you to give me a compliment. I know everything I do is crap. I told him to chill. I didn't say anything about the way it was painted. I like the paint job just not the color. He said oh sure way to cover it up. I can't live with someone like this. It's been getting worse as time goes on. I've tried to talk to him but he just doesn't want to hear it. What should I do? Help!
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by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:52 AM

 Oh, i'm so sorry your feeling like this. Maybe he is overwhelmed, or depressed, or stressed at work maybe? There has to be a reason why he is being so defensive to you. Is this normal behavior or something new?

by Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:02 AM

My dh does lawn work. If he shows me a picture of a lawn he does, I tell him that he did a good job. Regaurdless if I like what was done or not, he does so a good job.

Maybe next time, tell your dh he did a good job and keep the feelings of not liking the color to yourself.

If he's anything like my dh, he just want to hear you say you like his work, lol.

by Kendall on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:04 AM

You (and him) need to get to the root of what's really going on with him.  More than likely you're not the problem, you're just the easiest target.  

That's not healthy for your marriage and relationship.  (hugs)

by Silver Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:07 AM
I am so sorry. Wow. I am.sorry. Have you tried to talk to him about this. Maybe he is having emotional issues. Has he had his testosterone tested? I wonder if that's it?

Have you looked into counseling? Don't give up yet. You married him because you loved him. Kids and life in general especially special needs lids (I think I read behavioral therapy in there) can cause serious damage. I have a special needs child trust me. We have been there.

Hugs to you. Work through this. God places the heaviest burdens on those who can carry its weight. You can push through this.

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by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:15 AM
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You could treat him the way he treats you for a week so.. Try talking one last time.. Then give him a taste of his own medicine.. He sounds like he's being selfish and only thinking about himself.. My S/o wouldn't be at a gun range while I'm dealing with a sick kiddoe, X-rays, piano lessons, and all of that..
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by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:23 AM

Hi there!!

Seems like you both need counseling.  You both are like bombs waiting to explode and for the sake of the kids get help soon.

by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:40 AM
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Oh my goodness:/ you're so much more patient than I would ever be...
If I have all the kids and I'm trying to get dinner cooked, kid's homework done, bathtime, etc., my hubby KNOWS that it's not time for anything but to help out!
Otherwise, he's dealing with the wicked witch of the west!
It's hard:/ that's why we marry and have spouses.... God never intended for us to do it on our own....

Sorry you're going through this right now! :(
You sound like you're more than reasonable with giving him time to himself.... He needs to be reasonable too, otherwise you're just going to continue resenting him and that's not good for your marriage:(

Counseling.... Or just try talking to him when things are calm and he gas your undivided attention~
My hubby's the same way most of the time... Gets butthurt over stupid little stuff... If I'm not paying attention to him, etc. So I really try hard to make time for just us.... Even if it's just 30 min before we fall asleep after the kids are in bed...

You're definately super mom. And your hubby's spoiled:)~ my hubby would kill to be in his shoes, lol... Instead he's stuck with me:)~ I'm glad I have someone that will put up with my butt because without my hubby, I would have gone off the deep end a long time ago!

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by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 10:20 AM

Hang in there. Try to put a positive spin on your feelings. Timing is everything, so when the opportunity presents itself, have a heart-to-heart with him and tell him your feelings without criticising him personally. Keep it light and if he overreacts, calmly leave the room saying, "I'd like for this situation to improve, so I'm going to allow it the space needed for things to cool down."

by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 7:28 PM

Sometimes my DH is a butt. I am sorry yours is too. I just ignore him and give him his space then later, when he's calm and not being a butt, we talk.

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:27 PM

Give him space.  Don't engage him with arguing.  Whatever is bugging him will come out eventually.  And after he's good and calm you kick him in the nuts.

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