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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

keep saying you want change and you'll get it but you won't like it

Posted by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:36 PM
  • 21 Replies

My finace doesn't handle stress well. He's going to school full time and taking care of our daughter after classes. We live with his mother and although we both love her dearly, we're getting totally fed up with all her crap. We're living paycheck to paycheck. We fight because of all the tension his mom causes, which I don't even want to get into. He says he loves me but he's not sure he wants to be with me. He's not sure if it's just because he's stressed out or if he truly feels that our relationship has run it's course. He's afraid that he's like his dad and just pulls away and gives up when things get hard. I've been hanging on to this relationship, doing everything I can to keep us together almost to the point of being pitiful. I love him with all my heart, but if he can's stand strong by my side when things get tough, I'm not sure I can be in a realtionship with him. I've been totally understanding about his stress levels. Totally understanding that he is, in fact, a lot like his dad when it comes to stress. Totally understanding that he can't focus on school, work and a baby. I'm working full time and living with his mom who is getting to the point of causing me physically pain with how mad she makes me, so that he doesn't have to work. I'm not getting my own car so that we can afford to put our daughter in daycare for more hours than the state will help pay so he has time to get his homework done. I do all these things for him and he's not sure if he wants to be with me. Do I have no self respect??? He keeps saying that I'm like his mom. That I have a bad attitude of my life. That I want to change things about myself, like my weight, but I won't do anything to change it. When do I have time to work out?? I'm eating smaller portions of healthier food. But I can't afford to go to a gym. I can't afford to get us a place to live away from his mom. I don't even have time to shower as often as I should. I'm lucky if I get to go to the bathroom without someone bugging me for something. I'm so stressed that I've cried myself to sleep. My neck hurts, I have a constant headache, I'm exhausted. I do so much for him and he hasn't even said thank you. And god forbid I tell him how I feel. God forbid I tell him that I'm stressed out or tired. He helps with our daughter a lot but that's his freaking job! I get so pissed off because I work my ass off 40 hours a week, I do laundry, I cook dinner, I shop for food, I wash bottles, I get up with the baby at night, I give her a bath, I make sure we have gas in the car. What does he do? He does his homework (awesome!), he drives me to and from work (great), he watches our daughter when I'm at work (wonderful), he plays videogames while I run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to do everything else. When I ask for help, it's not "ok honey" or "sure." It's "after this mission" and I'm waiting an hour before he's willing to pause his flipping game. It's but "I have homework" or "I'm tired." He says he wants change and he's about to get it! I'm getting taken advantage of and I'm tired of it. When he gets home today, we're gonna have a talk. He's either gonna start pulling his own weight or I'm done. I love him but I won't love him to death. Not anymore.


Sorry this was so long. I had a lot more to say than I thought.

by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TempestRayne
by Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:49 PM
What is he going to school for? How much longer does he have to go to school for?
Sunshine257
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:53 PM
I am sorry. I hope it gets better for you.
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elijahXmom
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:54 PM

good luck

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Oct. 7, 2012 at 1:19 PM
3 moms liked this
It astounds me how many girls here get into relationships and cohabitate with homeless men who can't take care of themselves or at least contribute to taking care of their families. You live with his Mom, he has no job, and doesn't help you around the house? (His Mom's house that is.) Sounds dreamy. :-l And not only did you move in with him, you procreated with him.

What attracted you to this gem of a man in the first place?
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TommyAbby
by Melissa on Oct. 7, 2012 at 2:10 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

It astounds me how many girls here get into relationships and cohabitate with homeless men who can't take care of themselves or at least contribute to taking care of their families. You live with his Mom, he has no job, and doesn't help you around the house? (His Mom's house that is.) Sounds dreamy. :-l And not only did you move in with him, you procreated with him.

What attracted you to this gem of a man in the first place?

I just spit hot cocoa on my keyboard because I laughed so hard at this comment. I agree! 

PROGENITOR
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 2:19 PM

It is hard when you are young and you throw a baby into the mix before you are ready. You guys weren't ready. (I am assuming here that the pregnancy wasn't planned for the two of you until after you were already married and stable, but only because I cannot fathom folks who would plan to bring a child into the world under such circumstances as yours) But now you have to really consider what actions will be best for your child. 

You guys are really young. Have you approached him about couples counseling? You guys need to communicate, need to learn to communicate. How old is he? You are 21? Your brain is just finishing it's development.....men can take to age 23 I think....early 20s I know that much. You both have so much to learn but you don't have the time becuase there is this little child that needs to fully matured people who will work together for her sake. I hope you two are able to work it out. Maybe work out set time for him to have for himself and for you to have for yourself? Good luck!

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Oct. 7, 2012 at 6:03 PM

Oh, you're 20. Never mind. 'Nuff said.

Good luck to you, you've got a long road ahead of you. 

ShannaBee
by Platinum Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 7:04 PM

Me and my DH are in stressful times also. Good luck, I hope things can turn around for you.

kellybelly95
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:35 PM

HE needs to start pulling his weight. If he doesnt then You need to do what is best for the child. Being stressed all the time is not healthy. If you work 40 hrs a week then you should be able to get by without him. If you cant do it on your own their are programs that can help you. Maybe if he sees that you dont really need him then it will bring about the change you need from him.


meganisamom
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:39 PM
Do we see a pattern here?? I just got called every name in the book by some moron who threw water on her dreamy hubby so he would get up out of bed to go to work. Lol. I don't get it. They should give self respect classes in kindergarten.


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

It astounds me how many girls here get into relationships and cohabitate with homeless men who can't take care of themselves or at least contribute to taking care of their families. You live with his Mom, he has no job, and doesn't help you around the house? (His Mom's house that is.) Sounds dreamy. :-l And not only did you move in with him, you procreated with him.

What attracted you to this gem of a man in the first place?

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