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keep saying you want change and you'll get it but you won't like it

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My finace doesn't handle stress well. He's going to school full time and taking care of our daughter after classes. We live with his mother and although we both love her dearly, we're getting totally fed up with all her crap. We're living paycheck to paycheck. We fight because of all the tension his mom causes, which I don't even want to get into. He says he loves me but he's not sure he wants to be with me. He's not sure if it's just because he's stressed out or if he truly feels that our relationship has run it's course. He's afraid that he's like his dad and just pulls away and gives up when things get hard. I've been hanging on to this relationship, doing everything I can to keep us together almost to the point of being pitiful. I love him with all my heart, but if he can's stand strong by my side when things get tough, I'm not sure I can be in a realtionship with him. I've been totally understanding about his stress levels. Totally understanding that he is, in fact, a lot like his dad when it comes to stress. Totally understanding that he can't focus on school, work and a baby. I'm working full time and living with his mom who is getting to the point of causing me physically pain with how mad she makes me, so that he doesn't have to work. I'm not getting my own car so that we can afford to put our daughter in daycare for more hours than the state will help pay so he has time to get his homework done. I do all these things for him and he's not sure if he wants to be with me. Do I have no self respect??? He keeps saying that I'm like his mom. That I have a bad attitude of my life. That I want to change things about myself, like my weight, but I won't do anything to change it. When do I have time to work out?? I'm eating smaller portions of healthier food. But I can't afford to go to a gym. I can't afford to get us a place to live away from his mom. I don't even have time to shower as often as I should. I'm lucky if I get to go to the bathroom without someone bugging me for something. I'm so stressed that I've cried myself to sleep. My neck hurts, I have a constant headache, I'm exhausted. I do so much for him and he hasn't even said thank you. And god forbid I tell him how I feel. God forbid I tell him that I'm stressed out or tired. He helps with our daughter a lot but that's his freaking job! I get so pissed off because I work my ass off 40 hours a week, I do laundry, I cook dinner, I shop for food, I wash bottles, I get up with the baby at night, I give her a bath, I make sure we have gas in the car. What does he do? He does his homework (awesome!), he drives me to and from work (great), he watches our daughter when I'm at work (wonderful), he plays videogames while I run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to do everything else. When I ask for help, it's not "ok honey" or "sure." It's "after this mission" and I'm waiting an hour before he's willing to pause his flipping game. It's but "I have homework" or "I'm tired." He says he wants change and he's about to get it! I'm getting taken advantage of and I'm tired of it. When he gets home today, we're gonna have a talk. He's either gonna start pulling his own weight or I'm done. I love him but I won't love him to death. Not anymore.

Sorry this was so long. I had a lot more to say than I thought.

by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 12:36 PM
Replies (21-21):
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:12 AM
Hugs!! You two are young and have a lot to get past but if you work really hard at it you can pull through. If the relationship isn't worth the time you'll know eventually when it's time to move on. Light a fire under his butt, remind him that you & his daughter deserve better and will find it elsewhere if he can't step up. Good luck to you!!
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