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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

where did the romance go?

Posted by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:04 PM
  • 9 Replies

My DH and I have been married for just over a year. You would think the honeymoon stage wouldnt be over yet, but it is. I cant remember the last time we held hands or just spent time together. We have 3 kids. A 5 year old, a 17 month old and a 7 week old. I know we just had a baby and its gonna be tough. but it isnt as hard as you would think! I know he loves me. I just dont feel like im at the top of his priority list anymore...I dont feel beautiful anymore. it doesnt tell me i am. he doesnt bring me flowers anymore. Hes so worried about being a bad day...which is far from. But not at all concerned with being a neglectful husband. Ive tried talking to him about it, but i just turns into a fight and i dont wanna fight with him. I hardly get to see him to begin with, why would i wanna spend the only time we have alone arguing so i just let it go. I dont know what to do :-( i mean, dont get me wrong, we still have sex sometimes but only when he wants it and its boring!!!! I want the pre-child sex back! I wanna know how much he wants me and that im the only one for him. The flame is dimming...fast and i need to get it lit again before i lose the only man ive ever loved. I need to spice up my marriage....but how?

by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:04 PM
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Replies (1-9):
alexsmomaubrys2
by Silver Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:06 PM
2 moms liked this

You just had a baby. Your hormones are all out of whack.

I will tell you though, you sound like you are looking for him to make you feel beautiful and wanted. YOU should make yourself feel beautiful and wanted, then he'll come begging at your heels. Men LOVE a women that is self confident.

K.Axson412
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:09 PM

Yeah i suppose your right. I jsut dont feel very beautiful. Having 3 kids, making myself a priority is kinda difficult. How in the hell am i supposed to make myself feel that way? Ugh im not good at the sexy thingbut im worried that if i dont change just a tad, i may lose him eventually.

 

marie2409
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:13 PM
This for sure. You bring some romance back, and maybe he will reciprocate. You know your hubs best, what would HE appreciate and enjoy? Both in AND out of the bedroom.

It's the little things. Could be as simple as bringing his favorite treat home from the store. Soda and candy bar? Also plan a date night, even if it's just for an hour or 2 after the kids go to bed. Have late night desert 😈 whether it be chocolate cake or a more, uhm, adult desert, or both?


Quoting alexsmomaubrys2:

You just had a baby. Your hormones are all out of whack.

I will tell you though, you sound like you are looking for him to make you feel beautiful and wanted. YOU should make yourself feel beautiful and wanted, then he'll come begging at your heels. Men LOVE a women that is self confident.

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K.Axson412
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:15 PM

thank you ladies for the wonderful advice

 

beeky
by Alexandra on Oct. 7, 2012 at 11:29 PM
1 mom liked this

First of all, you have 3 young children, which are demanding, exhausting and expensive.  During this stage of parenthood, you have to schedule time together.  It may not be romantic but it is temporary.  Children grow up!

Secondly, it is unrealistic to expect grand gestures of romance on a regular basis.  Flowers are expensive and mean more when they're not given every other day.  Save them for special occasions.  It's the smaller, more intimate gestures of romance that bond you.  Slip your arm through his when you're out or smile at him from across the room.

Finally, sex.  Schedule it!  Send the kids to grandma's for the night.   Don't think of it as losing spontaneity, think of it as building anticipation.   Shamelessly flirt and tease him all day and tell him what dirty things you want to do to him.  It will build the sexual tension between you and by the end of the day, you will be tearing each other's clothes off.

rayroe2
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 11:32 PM
1 mom liked this

 HOROMONES!! it takes 1-2years for those suckers to get back right lol just make time, sometimes if you make the effort he will follow.

meganisamom
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 11:42 PM
Get all the kids to bed. Put on some hot clothes, a little makeup and jump his bones. Men are clueless and take everything very personal. Don't start resenting each other. You both have very different mentalities right now. Him with providing and being a food father and you with being the majority caretaker for those 3 time consuming, needy little buggers! I know exactly how you feel. I've been there. End the cycle now before you two wind up strangers. Good luck hun! And congrats on the baby. :)
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ShannaBee
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:26 AM
This is good advice.


Quoting beeky:

First of all, you have 3 young children, which are demanding, exhausting and expensive.  During this stage of parenthood, you have to schedule time together.  It may not be romantic but it is temporary.  Children grow up!


Secondly, it is unrealistic to expect grand gestures of romance on a regular basis.  Flowers are expensive and mean more when they're not given every other day.  Save them for special occasions.  It's the smaller, more intimate gestures of romance that bond you.  Slip your arm through his when you're out or smile at him from across the room.


Finally, sex.  Schedule it!  Send the kids to grandma's for the night.   Don't think of it as losing spontaneity, think of it as building anticipation.   Shamelessly flirt and tease him all day and tell him what dirty things you want to do to him.  It will build the sexual tension between you and by the end of the day, you will be tearing each other's clothes off.


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ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:30 PM
Maybe he's totally stressed and feeling really pressured about having to provide for you and all if those kids. That would stress me the hell out, I wouldn't feel romantic either.

Give it some time and focus on doing things for yourself that make you feel sexy and beautiful.
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