Saturday morning while he was was in the shower before work i was going through his phone. There wasn't any odd messages but in his call log there was a call from a girl named sabrina. I looked under the history for her and saw that he had been texting her all week. on Friday alone there were like 200 texts.
I of course completely freaked out and went in the bathroom yelling. he said she is just a friend and he deleted the messages because he didn't want me upset for no reason. There was alot of yelling before he left. i am so hurt. even if he isn't screwing her its wrong. i could barely respond to his text all day that day. he got off early so he could come home and talk.
I had to let it go because Im 15 weeks pregnant and high risk. my head hurt so bad from my blood presure and i hadn't eatin all day. i couldn't get out of bed i was so upset and depressed. i had to let it go because i couldn't deal with feeling that for the rest of the weekend. i would have ended up in the er.
So i did what i had to in hopes of taking care of my unborn baby.
We seemed ok. watched a few movies sat night and took our three yo to the movies on Sunday.
This morning he's back at work. i find myself in this state of depression yet again. its easy to be ok when he's here but i don't trust him and when he's gone i can't stop worrying what he's doing or who he's talking to.
I don't want to hear leave him he's a cheater. i can't get a job right now i don't have a car. i can't live with my parents because my sis and her two kids already do. its a mess and it would be entirely too stressfull and unsafe for my ds. honestly i don't want to leave either. he says he isn't doing anything he swears. i am just so confused! Im hormonal and want to just lay here and cry... sorry this is so long. i really needed to vent!