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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

If you're going to post here....

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 4:25 PM
  • 12 Replies
4 moms liked this

If you're going to post here, do you not expect to get some people who will agree with you whole heartedly, some people will disagree with you strongly, and some people who are in the middle of the road?

I really don't understand why people will post in a public forum such as this and then resort to name calling when someone disagrees with what they did, their choice, their lifestyle, etc.  At the same time, there is a way to respond to a post you disagree with in a respecful manner without resorting to name call as well. 

I don't post often, but when I do I know there will be some people on "my side" and some who aren't.  I will give clarification if need be because I didn't write something as it should have been said.  The truth is...most of the time it is those that are in the middle of the road who make the most sense or give me more to think about because I expect the all my way versus the other way.  Those two are pretty obvious. (Ex.  should I stay or go??)

I guess this doesn't really require a response, but I have seen some posts lately that have gotten downright nasty (ugly may be a better word) and the OP only responds to those that are far left or far right.  Remember ladies, those middle of the roaders may have more put more thought into their responses than some others.  And if you need to fight, please do so privately.  There is a reason CM put that "message" button right next to someone's screen name.

Vent over....

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 4:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
little.worthen
by Tessie on Oct. 8, 2012 at 4:27 PM
Yeah. People are in a state of devolution.. Nobody knows how to be civilized anymore..
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timswife_momof2
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 4:31 PM
1 mom liked this

the weird part is everyone who posts something on here think they are right, even though they are asking for other peoples opinions. ive gotten people who disagreed with me, and they are entitled to thier opinion im not gonna name call over it, or resent that person because of it. adults need to learn to respect other adults. and you are right on track with what you are saying. good for you.

ShannaBee
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 4:36 PM
It's human nature to feel defensive I think.
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ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Oct. 8, 2012 at 4:37 PM
1 mom liked this
I think it's a public forum and people can post with whatever they choose. Free speech is a fabulous thing. I refuse to edit my thoughts because it might hurt someone's feelings. I wouldn't want anyone to edit for me either. I respect brutal honesty and I can guarantee you there isn't a thing I say here that I wouldn't say to someone's face.
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Celtic_Dragon
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 5:42 PM

When I respond to someone elses thread, I am pretty civil with them. Unless they down right are being nasty about someone to begin with. I even try to be nice to Republicans. :) I like to play with troll sometimes and I find it fun to argue on the Internet occasionally, but I come onto any person's thread with a positive mind.

If they respond negatively to me first, I will defend myself. I have also taken initiative to defend other people I don't even know if they are being cyber bullied on here. It is just my character. I have always been very docile until someone else is being taken advantage of and if they start disrespecting me. Then I'm a totally different person.

I always take the original posting for face value. There is ALWAYS more to the story. This is why I ask questions first if I feel I need to debate the topic. Or I will try to figure it out through the responses if there isn't  a million of them.

Sometimes, I walk away from threads that have devolved into a battleground. It is not my fight, after all. But occasionally I will stick up for someone.

There is one particular group I belong to where a woman is always being attacked by the other group members. I find it absolutely disgusting that they have singled out this one mom. I always defend her and then get accused of being her best friend. LOL. They tell her that she is a troll and evil and this and that, but all her posts are very quiet and simple. The people who are attacking her are the evil, malicious ones. I call them out on it when I see it.

I have pretty broad shoulders and a tough skin. Years on Cafemom and other online forums have thickened it.

I have been reeked over hot coals on a porn forum one time. It was mostly by egotistical, sexist Republican males (it was a political debate), but it toughed me up big time. The only way to really get under my skin is by choosing to attack my children. I am all claws and venom when that happens. But it really just shows the Cloud that person's true color and I learn to avoid even reading their posts after that.

meganisamom
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 5:42 PM
1 mom liked this
If you're going to post the absurd things you do in your life, marriage, job, parenting etc.....you need to be prepared for the backlash. If not, don't post your life story. A lot of women truly need help. Some just want attention. Some just need to vent.
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earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Oct. 8, 2012 at 9:58 PM

I think the character trait of knowing how to RESPECTFULLY agree to disagree is missing in some people unfortunately, I also think that for example even though I am a very honest forthcoming person if its a hard truth I try to deliver it with gentleness kindness and compasssion. Some people are down right mean about things or judgemental. I think that is sad.

View Full Size Image YVONNE

jmjdj
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:22 PM
I'm thankful for free speech just as much as the next person. I just feel that the anonymity of the internet makes people forget common courtesy and decent manners. Being judgmental is one thing...everyone is entitled to their opinion for sure. But being rude, disrespectful, and downright mean aren't necessary.

We all have the capability to lie and become anyone we want on the internet. This could be about how much money we make, what kind of person we are, etc. But the reality is that this type of forum enables some people to be bold and say things that they might never have the courage to say to someone's face. And things that shouldn't be said in some case.

This is exactly how pedophiles can puck their prey online...pretending to be something they are not.

Nobody should be bashed for what they ask or picked on....but this goes all directions.

I guess what I'm saying is that many in this group and on CM in general should at least censor some of their online statements the same as they would in real life. Often the opinion can be put out there in a much more courteous manner.
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daijobu
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 12:57 AM

Good points, jmjdj!

The problem is some women come on CF and just want to argue.  They have no filters.  Some posts are just rediculous (eg, the woman who was married and was going to go out with a new guy for drinks - everyone told her not to, but she did.  Obviously no filter there).  But most are hurting or confused and just want different views on what to do.  The women that repeatedly bash them after having their say is childish.  (I get saying it a couple of times maybe to clarify what they mean, but the cat-fights with other opinion-givers just wastes space with all the copied text. Besides, nobody enjoys a bully.)  I already have an argumentative teenager, why would I want to read one that is older, but acts my kids' age? 

But most ladies in here seem helpful.  Thank you for that.  Happy posting! 

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Oct. 9, 2012 at 12:59 AM
1 mom liked this
Ok, I get what you are saying, but lets keep this in perspective. How many times during your real, non-online life does a random stranger approach you and proceed to tell you that they had an affair with a co-worker, or that they threw water on their husband, or that they think their fiancée is cheating because he doesn't cuddle at night so you've decided to withold sex? My guess is probably NEVER. So, really, it's impossible for you to say we should act like we would off of the Internet while we are on here because, quite frankly, if I'm at the mall or the grocery store and some strange chick walks up and telling me her personal business and innermost secrets, I'm pepper spraying a bitch.

Quoting jmjdj:

I'm thankful for free speech just as much as the next person. I just feel that the anonymity of the internet makes people forget common courtesy and decent manners. Being judgmental is one thing...everyone is entitled to their opinion for sure. But being rude, disrespectful, and downright mean aren't necessary.



We all have the capability to lie and become anyone we want on the internet. This could be about how much money we make, what kind of person we are, etc. But the reality is that this type of forum enables some people to be bold and say things that they might never have the courage to say to someone's face. And things that shouldn't be said in some case.



This is exactly how pedophiles can puck their prey online...pretending to be something they are not.



Nobody should be bashed for what they ask or picked on....but this goes all directions.



I guess what I'm saying is that many in this group and on CM in general should at least censor some of their online statements the same as they would in real life. Often the opinion can be put out there in a much more courteous manner.
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