Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I'm REALLY in a pickle!!!!!

I'm not sure what to do. Here is my problem. I have a very active 1 and half yo daughter and I've got to have foot surgery that requires me to be OFF my foot litteraly for 8 weeks. All my family lives outta town and my daughter's fathers family is WORTHLESS they dont want to help me and neither does he. First thing he told me when i told him about the surgery was... " dont expect me to take my vaction time" and then his mom said " Well I guess youll have to do it all, like i did"


He is the type that IF you have any kind of medical issues he looks down upon you. Like he KNEW from the start of the realstionship that i'm a type 1 diabeties so obvousely I have to get freqent medical care ( mind you *I* carry the medical insurance AND pay all my own med bills ect ect).


I'm thinking that I might just have to tell the Dr that its not an option because of what i desribed above. Sigh..... I'm really depressed.  I dont really have any friends... i have people i know at work... but no body that I would trust to help me and take are of my little one. HELP!!!! What should i do????

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 6:16 PM
Replies (41-50):
jdy9440
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 6:22 AM
Quoting jen1130:


thanks, maybe there's still hope then:-)
jdy9440
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 8:44 AM
Quoting TommyAbby:

OMg.. That's more than 8 weeks!! We have some of those that take YEARS to heal. I have to ask, How old are you that you have something that bad? Did you just ignore your diabetes? Do you smoke? 

One option for you: My hubby works in Interventional Radiology. They have a "drill" called a Diamondback. They use it on patients like you ( among others) to open the blood vessels in the legs to allow better blood flow to open wounds such as yours. It's an in/out procedure with minimal pain. It can help increase healing. You would need to ask your primary for a referall to someone like this in your area. Another thing is to find out about skin grafts to speed healing. We have a patient that we put a skin graft on this past year and OMG what a difference. Increased blood flow and then new grafts every so often and it made a world of good for him. 



Hi, I saw that you work with an ankle surgeon, I had a surgery about 20 months ago, the cut out a bone cyst in the center of my ankle bone and replaced with cadavor bone. I was non weight bearing for 3 months, then crutches, boots, ect. I'm still having pain and sweeling, though my rays and MRI looks fine. Do you think I will be out of pain sometime?
TommyAbby
by Melissa on Oct. 10, 2012 at 8:59 AM


Quoting jdy9440:

Quoting TommyAbby:

OMg.. That's more than 8 weeks!! We have some of those that take YEARS to heal. I have to ask, How old are you that you have something that bad? Did you just ignore your diabetes? Do you smoke? 

One option for you: My hubby works in Interventional Radiology. They have a "drill" called a Diamondback. They use it on patients like you ( among others) to open the blood vessels in the legs to allow better blood flow to open wounds such as yours. It's an in/out procedure with minimal pain. It can help increase healing. You would need to ask your primary for a referall to someone like this in your area. Another thing is to find out about skin grafts to speed healing. We have a patient that we put a skin graft on this past year and OMG what a difference. Increased blood flow and then new grafts every so often and it made a world of good for him. 



Hi, I saw that you work with an ankle surgeon, I had a surgery about 20 months ago, the cut out a bone cyst in the center of my ankle bone and replaced with cadavor bone. I was non weight bearing for 3 months, then crutches, boots, ect. I'm still having pain and sweeling, though my rays and MRI looks fine. Do you think I will be out of pain sometime?

A few things: Any history of arthritis? Are you overweight? Are you doing any strengthening exercises (either with PT or on your own)?  Some people it can take up from a few months to a few years :( ever person is different. We tend to deal with more of the Diabetic population. Foot ulcers and such. 

jen1130
by Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:06 AM
PT will not help the bone. If it is still only the bone that is the issue.


Quoting TommyAbby:



Quoting jdy9440:

Quoting TommyAbby:

OMg.. That's more than 8 weeks!! We have some of those that take YEARS to heal. I have to ask, How old are you that you have something that bad? Did you just ignore your diabetes? Do you smoke? 

One option for you: My hubby works in Interventional Radiology. They have a "drill" called a Diamondback. They use it on patients like you ( among others) to open the blood vessels in the legs to allow better blood flow to open wounds such as yours. It's an in/out procedure with minimal pain. It can help increase healing. You would need to ask your primary for a referall to someone like this in your area. Another thing is to find out about skin grafts to speed healing. We have a patient that we put a skin graft on this past year and OMG what a difference. Increased blood flow and then new grafts every so often and it made a world of good for him. 





Hi, I saw that you work with an ankle surgeon, I had a surgery about 20 months ago, the cut out a bone cyst in the center of my ankle bone and replaced with cadavor bone. I was non weight bearing for 3 months, then crutches, boots, ect. I'm still having pain and sweeling, though my rays and MRI looks fine. Do you think I will be out of pain sometime?

A few things: Any history of arthritis? Are you overweight? Are you doing any strengthening exercises (either with PT or on your own)?  Some people it can take up from a few months to a few years :( ever person is different. We tend to deal with more of the Diabetic population. Foot ulcers and such. 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mrsparker0
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:07 AM

This. You would be surprised. Someone may even offer you free childcare for the whole time. Really investigate. I would also ask about marriage counseling while talking to someone from the church. It sounds like the hubs and you need to talk about some things, especially if he can't take off to help his wife "for better, for worse" and "in sickness and in health". Have you reminded him of these vows he made? 

If he refuses counseling and help during/after your surgery. I would calmly explain that this is something that needs to be done and you will go somewhere where you can get the help you deserve. Arrange for childcare for your dc and give him all the info on where to drop off/pickup. Then pack up ASAP and go see family. Im sure your doc can find you a surgeon where your family is. Prayers to you mama!

Quoting daijobu:

Do you belong to a church?  You could ask for help there.  Ask if someone you feel most comfortable at work with can help out with a few things like picking up some groceries or such occasionally.  Could be the start of a friendship.  Any kids in the neighborhood or a neighbor that could get some things for you that you didn't stock up on before the surgery?  Any playgroups you could join before the surgery to get to know other moms (most of the time they are very helpful because you become one of their own... just rememer to help after you've recovered).  Heck, I meet a woman who became a good friend of mine at mc d's play place.  Hope it works out!


TommyAbby
by Melissa on Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:14 AM


Quoting jen1130:

PT will not help the bone. If it is still only the bone that is the issue.   No.. it will help the tendons that have tightened up while she wasn't using her foot. You need to keep them moving so they won't cause a contracture of the area. Tendons take longer to heal than any area of the body. 6weeks to 18 months. SO after having surgery in that area, not only does she need bone healing time, tendon healing time, but also PT to make sure the tendons stay flexible for walking. 


Quoting TommyAbby:



Quoting jdy9440:

Quoting TommyAbby:

OMg.. That's more than 8 weeks!! We have some of those that take YEARS to heal. I have to ask, How old are you that you have something that bad? Did you just ignore your diabetes? Do you smoke? 

One option for you: My hubby works in Interventional Radiology. They have a "drill" called a Diamondback. They use it on patients like you ( among others) to open the blood vessels in the legs to allow better blood flow to open wounds such as yours. It's an in/out procedure with minimal pain. It can help increase healing. You would need to ask your primary for a referall to someone like this in your area. Another thing is to find out about skin grafts to speed healing. We have a patient that we put a skin graft on this past year and OMG what a difference. Increased blood flow and then new grafts every so often and it made a world of good for him. 





Hi, I saw that you work with an ankle surgeon, I had a surgery about 20 months ago, the cut out a bone cyst in the center of my ankle bone and replaced with cadavor bone. I was non weight bearing for 3 months, then crutches, boots, ect. I'm still having pain and sweeling, though my rays and MRI looks fine. Do you think I will be out of pain sometime?

A few things: Any history of arthritis? Are you overweight? Are you doing any strengthening exercises (either with PT or on your own)?  Some people it can take up from a few months to a few years :( ever person is different. We tend to deal with more of the Diabetic population. Foot ulcers and such. 



jdy9440
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:19 AM
Quoting TommyAbby:


I didn't have any history of arthritis, but surgeon is telling me now there is around the new bone. I am overweight, not diabetic. I went to PT for about 2 months, not doing any now, should I be? I just hope I can get back to normal someday, I'm only in my 40's.
jen1130
by Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:20 AM
Oh, I was thinking the almost 2 yrs ago she would not be needing it now if it was just the bone issue.

I never had PT but mine was a different location.


Quoting TommyAbby:



Quoting jen1130:

PT will not help the bone. If it is still only the bone that is the issue.   No.. it will help the tendons that have tightened up while she wasn't using her foot. You need to keep them moving so they won't cause a contracture of the area. Tendons take longer to heal than any area of the body. 6weeks to 18 months. SO after having surgery in that area, not only does she need bone healing time, tendon healing time, but also PT to make sure the tendons stay flexible for walking. 





Quoting TommyAbby:




Quoting jdy9440:

Quoting TommyAbby:

OMg.. That's more than 8 weeks!! We have some of those that take YEARS to heal. I have to ask, How old are you that you have something that bad? Did you just ignore your diabetes? Do you smoke? 

One option for you: My hubby works in Interventional Radiology. They have a "drill" called a Diamondback. They use it on patients like you ( among others) to open the blood vessels in the legs to allow better blood flow to open wounds such as yours. It's an in/out procedure with minimal pain. It can help increase healing. You would need to ask your primary for a referall to someone like this in your area. Another thing is to find out about skin grafts to speed healing. We have a patient that we put a skin graft on this past year and OMG what a difference. Increased blood flow and then new grafts every so often and it made a world of good for him. 







Hi, I saw that you work with an ankle surgeon, I had a surgery about 20 months ago, the cut out a bone cyst in the center of my ankle bone and replaced with cadavor bone. I was non weight bearing for 3 months, then crutches, boots, ect. I'm still having pain and sweeling, though my rays and MRI looks fine. Do you think I will be out of pain sometime?

A few things: Any history of arthritis? Are you overweight? Are you doing any strengthening exercises (either with PT or on your own)?  Some people it can take up from a few months to a few years :( ever person is different. We tend to deal with more of the Diabetic population. Foot ulcers and such. 





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
TommyAbby
by Melissa on Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:26 AM


Quoting jdy9440:

Quoting TommyAbby:


I didn't have any history of arthritis, but surgeon is telling me now there is around the new bone. I am overweight, not diabetic. I went to PT for about 2 months, not doing any now, should I be? I just hope I can get back to normal someday, I'm only in my 40's.

I would ask your doctor about seeing PT. It wouldn't hurt. And if you are developing arthritis, that may be the cause of what you are having now. :( Sorry I don't have better news for you. 


Tisiphone122810
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 1:29 PM
I think i'm just going to call it quits. He has a excuse for everything as to why he treats me this way. So if he doesnt want to have partner and daughter then fine..... I'll go see a laywer and get his BUTT for child support and take him for every penny. It just makes me so angery that he wont even buy his own daughter's milk..... but yet he will buy wendy's for lunch or pay for game sites. I've determined that he is NOT long term matrional... no wonder his other relationships have been one night stands or lasted only a few months. He charmes you then CHANGES into super asshole. Pardon my langauge
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)