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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Does your dh? *little update in replies*

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:24 PM
  • 34 Replies
Does your dh appreciate you? Does he take notice when he comes home from work and the house is extra clean and you went out of your way to do something nice for him? Does he ever tell you he appreciates you, or say thank you when you do something specifically for him?

My dh does not, and he is also really sucky at expressing his emotions and he never ever hands out compliments. I am so crazy head over heels in love with him, but I am so tired of not being appreciated. I do nice things for him alllll the time, Im a sahm so Its my job to cook the meals and keep the house organized and clean and I also homeschool, we have 3 kids and I'm 32 weeks pregnant. I have tried telling him that I need to feel appreciated and that I need a compliment once in a while, and when I tell him he will say oh yeah thanks for cleaning the house. And that's the extent of it and it never feels sincere he says it with sarcasm... I'm sick of asking him to appreciate me, I'm sick of not feeling appreciated. I feel like he takes me for granted and all the things I do for him. Im just soo tired of it! And being a hormonal emotional pregnant woman isn't helping matters at all, and I know it. So what can I do to help him get the picture?! Like I said I love him to death and I am completely committed to him %100 and he has so many excellent qualities and so many things that I adore about him, I just need him to improve a little in this area because it's my love language, I feel the most loved when I feel appreciated. How can I help him really understand that?
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by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lapcounter
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:27 PM
Has he or you read the book Love Languages? My husband has always been appreciative of what I do, how I look, dress. But it helped us even more to read this book. Good Luck..
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clasater
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:31 PM
He has in the past, I haven't. I'll get it so we can both read it. Thank you

Quoting lapcounter:

Has he or you read the book Love Languages? My husband has always been appreciative of what I do, how I look, dress. But it helped us even more to read this book. Good Luck..
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ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:33 PM
Maybe rather than see it as something to be appreciated, he just sees it as what you do. It's just what you do, it is your job.

I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum here. We both work, we both do equal dishes, laundry, ect. When he cleans, he wants a creaking cookie. If I don't fall over gushing about what he has done he gets seriously offended and hurt. I find it terribly annoying. So you did the dishes. Cool. It's not an event that needs to be commemorated.
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ash522
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:34 PM
3 moms liked this
Sorry I can't help. I'm kind of in the same boat. I know he appreciates everything I do but he does little to show it. It's just the way he was raised. I was raised the exact opposite. My family is very 'complimentary'. My dad is always commenting on how nice I look (even when I don't), or how good dinner was, your house looks so nice, etc... His family, I can go all out, make a 5-course meal, & all I will get is a simple nod of the head. Drives me insane!
clasater
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:41 PM
It's not so much about the everyday stuff because I get it that that's my job and I know that's how he feels (though it would be amazing to be appreciated for that too! Lol) but I go out of my way to leave him love notes or wash his car or help him with the yard work or buy him his favorite snack when I'm grocery shopping, or if there's something he is talking about doing that i can do, I try to do it for him while he's at work. Those kind of things, and he never even pretends to notice that ive done anything at all. He does however find things that he thinks I'm not doing right and makes sure to point those out, if I hang up his shirts the wrong way or he doesn't like the way I load the dishwasher, he nit picks about things like that all the time but can't find it in him to say thanks for taking care of that project for me.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Maybe rather than see it as something to be appreciated, he just sees it as what you do. It's just what you do, it is your job.

I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum here. We both work, we both do equal dishes, laundry, ect. When he cleans, he wants a creaking cookie. If I don't fall over gushing about what he has done he gets seriously offended and hurt. I find it terribly annoying. So you did the dishes. Cool. It's not an event that needs to be commemorated.
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sbreece
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:43 PM
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My husband tells me everyday how thankful he is for everything I do. I have been with unappreciative men before and wouldn't have it any other way. My husband is amazing and I make sure he knows that as well.
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clasater
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:46 PM
That exactly how it is for me too! My family is still super complimentary, his family is just down right negative all the time, they come over and ask what I do all day, my parents come over and tell me the house looks great and I'm doing a good job keeping up on it even with 3 little kids. So I know that's just how he was raised, I'm not expecting perfection, just a simple sincere "thank you" once in a while to show that he does notice and he does appreciate it. Kwim? I'm not asking for a new bouquet of roses every day or poems about my awesomeness or anything like that just for him to acknowledge that i worked hard to please him.

Quoting ash522:

Sorry I can't help. I'm kind of in the same boat. I know he appreciates everything I do but he does little to show it. It's just the way he was raised. I was raised the exact opposite. My family is very 'complimentary'. My dad is always commenting on how nice I look (even when I don't), or how good dinner was, your house looks so nice, etc... His family, I can go all out, make a 5-course meal, & all I will get is a simple nod of the head. Drives me insane!
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2lilmamas
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:04 PM
Yes he does express how much he appreciates how i keep the house together and the kids. Sometimes people get to comfortable and dont think need to express certain things. Tell hiw you feel about the matter. Everyone deserves to be appreciated.
MrsMetalMama
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:06 PM
Mine sucks at showing his emotions but he says thank you and looks good i love you kisses me and says i am beautiful. not every day tho :/
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busy_mama27
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:10 PM
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My husband tells me often that he appreciates me and usually when I least expect it.  I dont really ever ask for it... could you be asking too much?  Men are funny when they are feeling like they arent doing something wrong.  If not, then he isnt understanding your needs and caring about them.  It sounds like you guys need to work on some communication.

If I were you I would tell him there are some things I would like to talk about with you, they arent urgent, but they are important to me.  Can we discuss them tomorrow night after the kids are in bed?  << Asking him if something works for him establishes even ground... he doesnt feel pressured or in a corner.  Come to that meeting with 1 thing you want (i.e. appreciation).  Explain to him what you feel appreciation means and ask him what it means to him.  Tell him why its important and offer suggestions of what you would like to hear to feel appreciated.  If you come at it innocently and are careful NOT to accuse... you will probably succeed in getting what you need.  


Those are my two cents.

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