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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Does your dh? *little update in replies*

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Does your dh appreciate you? Does he take notice when he comes home from work and the house is extra clean and you went out of your way to do something nice for him? Does he ever tell you he appreciates you, or say thank you when you do something specifically for him?

My dh does not, and he is also really sucky at expressing his emotions and he never ever hands out compliments. I am so crazy head over heels in love with him, but I am so tired of not being appreciated. I do nice things for him alllll the time, Im a sahm so Its my job to cook the meals and keep the house organized and clean and I also homeschool, we have 3 kids and I'm 32 weeks pregnant. I have tried telling him that I need to feel appreciated and that I need a compliment once in a while, and when I tell him he will say oh yeah thanks for cleaning the house. And that's the extent of it and it never feels sincere he says it with sarcasm... I'm sick of asking him to appreciate me, I'm sick of not feeling appreciated. I feel like he takes me for granted and all the things I do for him. Im just soo tired of it! And being a hormonal emotional pregnant woman isn't helping matters at all, and I know it. So what can I do to help him get the picture?! Like I said I love him to death and I am completely committed to him %100 and he has so many excellent qualities and so many things that I adore about him, I just need him to improve a little in this area because it's my love language, I feel the most loved when I feel appreciated. How can I help him really understand that?
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by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:24 PM
Replies (11-20):
maria1613
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:14 PM
Yeah mine does. He'll tell me from time to time, " I don't know where i'd be without you, i'd probably either be dead or drunk all the time and broke. I couldn't raise K without you." He's a wonderful guy, I got lucky.

Here's a bump!
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lovinglife0682
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:43 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting lapcounter:

Has he or you read the book Love Languages? My husband has always been appreciative of what I do, how I look, dress. But it helped us even more to read this book. Good Luck..

I would recommend the book as well. What you may find out is he was showing his appreciation in his love language.
SareyF
by Sarah on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:50 PM
1 mom liked this
This is one area my husband naturally falls short on but I think he has finally gotten the clue. I'm sorry you're going through it. It hurts to feel unseen. I too think the 5 Love Languages is a great book and knowing our love languages has helped us.
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ShannaBee
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 5:37 PM
He does but not a lot.
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xoxRachelxox
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:26 PM

Mine doesn't usually notice. I will just bring it to his attention. I usually say, oh doesn't the house look awesome and he'll say oh yea, it really does. lol

works for me.

beachbeauty
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:41 PM

I'm in the same boat, my husband never comments on what I do unless I bring it up first or get upset about it.  However, he never, ever nit picks anything I do or tells me that something needs done because he knows if he does I will tell him to do it himself.  Now if he ASKS me to do something for him I'm happy to do what I can.

I know part of the problem with us is that DH is extremely easygoing and he honestly wouldn't care if I didn't clean or cook, he feels I do those things because I find them important.  If I take a day off to relax because I need to or don't feel well he just says "that's good, you needed it".

He's currently deployed and we had a disagreement when he was home on leave because he didn't like something I had been lenient on with the kids although I had explained to him before he came home that I was being lenient on it because I had so much going on it just wasn't something that was a priority.  He made it an issue when he was home and I said very sarcastically "I think what you mean to say is thank-you sweetheart for working so hard to raise 5 kids by yourself while I'm away."  He said "I know you work hard."  and that was the end of it.  It's the closest thing to complimenting my parenting that I've gotten.

pmsforlife
by Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:42 PM
Just say "uh your welcome"when he doesn't say thanks for doing something nice for him.
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tjane3000
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:22 PM
1 mom liked this

My mom was a sahm and felt her only job in life was to clean, cook, laundry and raise kids. My father was so accustom to that that when he got home from work he ate dinner, sat on the couch and watched tv. Now i just became a sahm 3mo ago when we moved. I do not cook everyday, my husband does the dishes every night, his own laundry and puts our son to bed every night. I firmly believe that if we let ourselves become a victim to "housewife" syndrome then we are making our own beds to lye in. I know my husband works hard but he also gets off at 5 and has a lunch break, which is more than i can say for us sahm! lol Maybe if you stopped doing so much he would realized how much you did in the first place and start to appreciate it. Lets face it, men can be blind. If the house is always clean when they come home they think the cleaning fairy came or something lol. Just stop working so hard in areas you can. I know with 3 kids it's hard but give yourself a break and maybe he will notice you. If not divorce him lol J/K !! GL I hope everything works out for you! :)

tapies2324
by Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:56 PM


Quoting clasater:

It's not so much about the everyday stuff because I get it that that's my job and I know that's how he feels (though it would be amazing to be appreciated for that too! Lol) but I go out of my way to leave him love notes or wash his car or help him with the yard work or buy him his favorite snack when I'm grocery shopping, or if there's something he is talking about doing that i can do, I try to do it for him while he's at work. Those kind of things, and he never even pretends to notice that ive done anything at all. He does however find things that he thinks I'm not doing right and makes sure to point those out, if I hang up his shirts the wrong way or he doesn't like the way I load the dishwasher, he nit picks about things like that all the time but can't find it in him to say thanks for taking care of that project for me.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Maybe rather than see it as something to be appreciated, he just sees it as what you do. It's just what you do, it is your job.

I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum here. We both work, we both do equal dishes, laundry, ect. When he cleans, he wants a creaking cookie. If I don't fall over gushing about what he has done he gets seriously offended and hurt. I find it terribly annoying. So you did the dishes. Cool. It's not an event that needs to be commemorated.

Sounds like a control freak to me. Why should he care how you load a dishwasher? I lived and am pending divorce from a person just like that. I was in your exact situation but was working full time too. Everything was up to me and I never did it right. He left me for an old ex girlfriend and I could not be happier. Being undervalued by someone you love sucks. Being told you never do anything right bites. It makes you feel worthless..especially when it happens all the time. Think about what kind of relationship you have. 

clasater
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:07 AM
More OCD then anything honestly. Lol

Quoting tapies2324:



Quoting clasater:

It's not so much about the everyday stuff because I get it that that's my job and I know that's how he feels (though it would be amazing to be appreciated for that too! Lol) but I go out of my way to leave him love notes or wash his car or help him with the yard work or buy him his favorite snack when I'm grocery shopping, or if there's something he is talking about doing that i can do, I try to do it for him while he's at work. Those kind of things, and he never even pretends to notice that ive done anything at all. He does however find things that he thinks I'm not doing right and makes sure to point those out, if I hang up his shirts the wrong way or he doesn't like the way I load the dishwasher, he nit picks about things like that all the time but can't find it in him to say thanks for taking care of that project for me.



Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Maybe rather than see it as something to be appreciated, he just sees it as what you do. It's just what you do, it is your job.

I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum here. We both work, we both do equal dishes, laundry, ect. When he cleans, he wants a creaking cookie. If I don't fall over gushing about what he has done he gets seriously offended and hurt. I find it terribly annoying. So you did the dishes. Cool. It's not an event that needs to be commemorated.

Sounds like a control freak to me. Why should he care how you load a dishwasher? I lived and am pending divorce from a person just like that. I was in your exact situation but was working full time too. Everything was up to me and I never did it right. He left me for an old ex girlfriend and I could not be happier. Being undervalued by someone you love sucks. Being told you never do anything right bites. It makes you feel worthless..especially when it happens all the time. Think about what kind of relationship you have. 

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