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Having a hard time forgiving him after his infidelity

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 My boyfriend cheated on me with a girl back in December for months until the girls sister found me on face book and asked me about him why did I have pix of me and him if we're not together Only for her to know that we never broke up. The girl never inboxed me herself because she knew I knew nothing about her. long story short, I broke up with him then found out I was pregnant. He constantly asked me to give him another chance but I couldn't I was too hurt and being pregnant I didn't wanna stress anymore then I already was. About a month later me and him went to my prenatal appointment and found out that my baby no longer had a heartbeat. I ended up having to get a D&C. He stayed a few nights with me then I told him to leave I just couldn't deal with us at that moment. about a month 1/2 later He asked me out to dinner I went. A few more dates later he basically spilled his heart out pleading for me to forgive him and start fresh And I did. But I always found myself thinking about him cheating on me. and wondering If was or Is talking to this girl still. So I constantly brought her up and he kept saying he wasn't talking to her he know he messed up and he doesn't wanna do anything to lose me again. But my women's intuition told me he was lying so I took it upon myself to call her to only find out he told her he was in love with me always has been and she See's that and blah blah blah. I'm not gonna lie I felt bad for the girl after talking to her and wish I never called her. I see a change In him but I still can't forget about what he did. I think about It everyday. But I know I don't wanna be without him. my mom tells me If I wanna be with him I gotta look forward and stop looking in the past because Its not healthy. I try but I'm still very very VERY hurt. so I don't know what to do. I try to push him away but he says he can't let me walk away. It seems like he realized he messed up and tries so hard to fix it but Im always bringing what he did up. I feel like he ruined us by what he did and as hard as he tries and as much as I want us to get back to how we were Im always gonna think about what he did :(

by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:42 AM
Replies (21-30):
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 4:41 PM

Your mother is right. Maybe visit a councillor a few times so you can get things off your chest. It would really help. Hope you find the answer your lookin for.

by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 4:51 PM
So many people are so judgemental. I don't give second chances! Really? What happens when your madly in love and you need a second chance for whatever reason? Would you want an opportunity to make it right? Sometimes it takes something happening to make someone realize what's really important to them, you live and learn. And the saying once a cheater always a cheater is a crock of crap. Yes a lot of the times its true, but its not true 100% of the time. People make mistakes and people do change for the better due to those mistakes. If my husband and I had lived by the phrase, " I don't do second chances" we would not be celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary. I really hope that in my friendships or relationships if I needed a second chance I would get it. Now saying I don't do third chances, OK, that's understandable. People aren't perfect, we all make mistakes. We all need second chances. Its what you do with that second chance that matters.
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by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 7:01 PM
Maybe counceling can help you both get closure and move past this?
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 10:33 PM


by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 10:38 PM

First things first, stop TTCing with him. Wait until you are in a committed long term relationship to have a baby.

by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 10:49 PM
Wow no second chances and once a cheater always a cheater. I do no believe in these. If it wasn't for second chances I would not be happily married.
It will take awhile to get over what he did but trust me one day you will wake up and it wont matter anymore. He will have earned your trust and the two of you will be stronger for it. But you need to let it go other wise there will be no room for the trust to come back in.
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by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:04 PM
I read somewhere that it can take 2 - 3 years for someone to forgive an infidelity. I agree with you're mom though. I think that if a person chooses to stay or take back the unfaithful person they are saying that they will forgive them and move forward. If you want to move forward in your relationship you have to take the steps to heal and forgive.
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by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:17 PM

You'll never forget, but if you want to be with him and keep him in your life, you have to, at some point, forgive him and move forward with your relationship. If you don't try to forgive him wholeheartedly, your relationship is eventually going to fall apart.

by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:40 PM

 I appreciate all of your ladies advice. I know deep in my heart I want to be with him, But I tell him Its gonna take time. Every Time I find myself moving past it I go right back to where I was. If he takes forever to text me back I wonder If he Is with this girl, If he doesn't call I find my self thinking he's cheating. So when I get like that I just break up with him, but when I do that I find myself missing him. But I try to stay strong and keep my distance, but once he starts calling constantly, coming to my house, calling my mom, and sending me text messages I end up taking him back. He says I'm holding a grudge, but HELLO If the shoe was on the other foot I know he wouldn't be over it. I feel bad because he's trying really hard but then again I don't feel bad. He says he's going to do whatever It takes for me to get past this but its not gonna be easy. My mom says she went through the same thing with my father but worse and now 13 yrs later their very happy. I may try counseling. I know I need it.

by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:48 PM
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 I know it is something horrible to try and get past. That is a pain that takes a long time to heal and a lot of trust building. If you cannot get past it then you shouldn't be with him. If you gave him a another chance and are willing to make it work then you have to put all of that on the back burner and do your best to start over. Some people can do that and some can't. Maybe you are not one of those people who can. I tried very hard to do it with my ex husband but I couldn't get past the betrayal that I felt. We had a daughter together and she was only 4 months old when it started. And when I thought I could let it go and keep going with our life he done it again. I am a firm believer that once a cheater always a cheater but sometimes I think people can change. Maybe him seeing what you went through with the loss of your baby made him realize how special you are to him., I can't tell you what to do momma but I can tell you to just becareful. I am so sorry for your losss. (((hugs)))

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