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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Having a hard time forgiving him after his infidelity

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 My boyfriend cheated on me with a girl back in December for months until the girls sister found me on face book and asked me about him why did I have pix of me and him if we're not together Only for her to know that we never broke up. The girl never inboxed me herself because she knew I knew nothing about her. long story short, I broke up with him then found out I was pregnant. He constantly asked me to give him another chance but I couldn't I was too hurt and being pregnant I didn't wanna stress anymore then I already was. About a month later me and him went to my prenatal appointment and found out that my baby no longer had a heartbeat. I ended up having to get a D&C. He stayed a few nights with me then I told him to leave I just couldn't deal with us at that moment. about a month 1/2 later He asked me out to dinner I went. A few more dates later he basically spilled his heart out pleading for me to forgive him and start fresh And I did. But I always found myself thinking about him cheating on me. and wondering If was or Is talking to this girl still. So I constantly brought her up and he kept saying he wasn't talking to her he know he messed up and he doesn't wanna do anything to lose me again. But my women's intuition told me he was lying so I took it upon myself to call her to only find out he told her he was in love with me always has been and she See's that and blah blah blah. I'm not gonna lie I felt bad for the girl after talking to her and wish I never called her. I see a change In him but I still can't forget about what he did. I think about It everyday. But I know I don't wanna be without him. my mom tells me If I wanna be with him I gotta look forward and stop looking in the past because Its not healthy. I try but I'm still very very VERY hurt. so I don't know what to do. I try to push him away but he says he can't let me walk away. It seems like he realized he messed up and tries so hard to fix it but Im always bringing what he did up. I feel like he ruined us by what he did and as hard as he tries and as much as I want us to get back to how we were Im always gonna think about what he did :(

by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:42 AM
Replies (31-40):
JennPearce
by Jenn! on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:52 PM
Quoting 2lilmamas:

Best to do is give it time. You need time to heal. You are still very hurt. You feel betrayed. Let him earn his way back to your heart. He loves you enough he will wait and do what it takes to get things right between you two.

. I agree with this! Been there. If he really is changing it will get better! Hugs!
anotherandree
by Bronze Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:56 PM
1 mom liked this

I have to say that I was struck by your post and your avatar.  You are trying for a baby with this guy, but you do not think that you can trust him and get past his cheating?  Have you thought about maybe waiting a bit before bringing a child into this situation?  Not trying to bash, I'm not, it sounds like it would be a difficult situation to be in if he cheated again and you were pregnant or had a child.

ttc1stbaby
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 12:24 AM

 I've had that same avater since I created this account a year ago when I acting was trying. Right now ttc is not where my head Is at. I just never changed the pik

Quoting anotherandree:

I have to say that I was struck by your post and your avatar.  You are trying for a baby with this guy, but you do not think that you can trust him and get past his cheating?  Have you thought about maybe waiting a bit before bringing a child into this situation?  Not trying to bash, I'm not, it sounds like it would be a difficult situation to be in if he cheated again and you were pregnant or had a child.

 

charliebean
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 12:34 AM
1 mom liked this
Grief over a death lasts on average 18 months. Infidelity signals the death of trust and a relationship, and its been shown that the grief people feel over a break up is the same as felt during a death, so the grief/mourning period is the same. Don't let anyone tell you when you need to get over anything, because that's up to you to decide. You can't force feelings and you can't force forgiveness or willingly forget wrongs committed towards you. Heal on your own time and on your own terms, no one else's.
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la_bella_vita
by Bella on Oct. 11, 2012 at 9:28 AM

 Good luck to you and I'm sorry to hear this. I do not have any advice though.

CTSBrandy
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 9:50 AM

Forgiving your boyfriend is a conscious decision you have to make. Realistically, your boyfriend is not the same person you met. He's changing every day, with every experience he has and every choice that he makes. The old boyfriend you had cheated on you.  This one hasn't. Give this boyfriend a chance.  If necessary, create new favorite places to go together, create new names to call each other, and create new traditions together to help you celebrate the fact that this relationship is brand new and untainted.  It's up to you to decide to let this man back in your life. However, I will tell you a secret: human beings will always hurt you.  You can choose to shut out everyone who hurts you, and miss out on real and lasting love, or you can choose to forgive them and accept their faults and failures, go forward, and experience the greater joys that come with unconditional love.

ttc1stbaby
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 12:52 PM

 Thank you so much. I'm going to take your advice. What you said really touched me and made me look at things differently

Quoting CTSBrandy:

Forgiving your boyfriend is a conscious decision you have to make. Realistically, your boyfriend is not the same person you met. He's changing every day, with every experience he has and every choice that he makes. The old boyfriend you had cheated on you.  This one hasn't. Give this boyfriend a chance.  If necessary, create new favorite places to go together, create new names to call each other, and create new traditions together to help you celebrate the fact that this relationship is brand new and untainted.  It's up to you to decide to let this man back in your life. However, I will tell you a secret: human beings will always hurt you.  You can choose to shut out everyone who hurts you, and miss out on real and lasting love, or you can choose to forgive them and accept their faults and failures, go forward, and experience the greater joys that come with unconditional love.

 

otoole
by Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 1:02 PM

your mum is right. you have to move on and leave it in the past or you two will never work. its not fair on him or you. and you will end up pushing to the point of doing it again. i am sorry about you losing your baby too

CTSBrandy
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 3:15 PM

I'm just happy I could help. My husband and I have survived infidelity, but it isn't easy so I understand where you are in this.

Devious333
by Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 3:18 PM
I wouldn't personally stay with a man who cheated on me but if you are going to, you need to move forward, as pp's have said.
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