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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I slept on the couch last night... :(

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I've been sick, running fever all day. DH works ft and goes to school ft, which has him coming home around 9pm M-Th.

I had a busy night despite my 102.5 fever...son had soccer practice, dd had robotics. When DH got home he immediately pecked me on the cheek and said he needed to study. I got whiny and told him i was sick and felt lonely and needed some tlc.

He got upset and said I give him a guilt trip every night saying he doesn't make time for me. Then asks me if i want some tea. I say yes. He never makes it for me. I go to the bedroom and lie down for the 2 hours he is studying after i get the kids in bed

Im upset, feeling sick and neglected until he comes to bed then he acts clueless as to why I seem sad. We then get on the topic of how we dont ever have date time together and he gets upset with mw saying how can i expect him to plan date night when we never have a sitter for his daughter (we have a blended family and i am custodial sm to his dd. .my kids go to their dads every other weekend).

I feel like i do it all and i work full time too. He has a hot meal each day he comes home, i take care of his dd full time with no help...all i ask is one planned date night a month to keep me feeling like a woman.

The final straw was him telling me he's never been with a woman who needed 150% of his attention all the time. Which is so unfair!

So i got up and went to the couch. He gets up 6 hours later and asks why Im on the couch. So clueless!!! Then he goes back to bed.

Sorry to vent so early but Im just so hurt! And being sick doesn't help. :(
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 5:52 AM
Replies (21-30):
amber710
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:45 PM

I think that is a stupid guy thing. My husband does the same shit. We will have a fight and I will say "Whatever. I am done talking to you. I'm tired and you are a jerk" and pick up my pillow and blanket and go lay down on the couch.

And without fail like an hour or two later he will start to feel funny about being in there all alone with his thoughts and come ask me why I am on the couch. I think it is because they are sitting in there alone, thinking instead of running their mouth and realize they were wrong and feel stupid.

GatorsWife4Life
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:55 PM

 I am sorry that you are hurt momma, I am sure most of us would be too. I am rather sensitive when it comes to my dh. What if you found a sitter for your sd and made a date night without telling him and just make it a suprise. Then maybe he will see what ya'll have been missing. My dh and I never get date nights and what not so we make sure that every night when the kids go to bed we come in our room and cuddle, watch tv and talk about anything that has went on that day or just talk about us. You sound like you and him are lacking that intimacy that we all need. Try and find ways to bring that back, even if it is just at home. Good luck hon.

NDADanceMom
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 6:58 AM

My husband is really busy too but it would never occur to me to give up the time I do have with him by complaining and sleeping on the couch!  How did that work for you?  My husband misses me too.  He doesnt need me bitching at him about the fact he works damn hard to provide a great life for us, he goes to school to get himself into a position where he gets more time with his family.  We are sacrificing as a team.  It isnt my husband against me!  

If I were your husband Id be pissed at you.   

robsgurl_23
by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 7:09 AM
I know how you feel. My husband was in law school going nights 3 nights a week while he worked full time. He wouldn't get hone until 11 to 11:30 some of those nights and I didn't seem him much. It was me taking care of the kids by myself all that time. It always deemed like the tend to act up more when my husband wasn't home. We didn't really any dates. We didn't even go on the weekends cause that was when he did 99% of his homework. Yeah I felt neglected but I knew it was temporary and would be over. Just think of it as a temporay inconvenience( sorry of spelled wrong) just think of how nice it will be when he is done with school and has his degree. How much longer does he have til he is done with school? It was 4 years I had to deal with not seeing my husband much but worth it in the end for the big accomplishment. To this day it has been almost a year since my husband and I have had an acual date due to no baby sitter.
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LoveMyLos
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 7:16 AM
Right there with you! Im leaving my dh bc of the same shit. Except hes not in school and has plenty of time after work and on weekends, but refuses to do anything with me or the family.
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ilovemykids732
by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 9:22 AM

[[hugs]] I sleep on the couch most of the time... DH is up on his computer til like 2am... and I hate sleeping alone... lastnight he brought me up to the bedroom though... we had sex... and went to sleep... at 3am... =___=

thecoffeefairy
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 9:28 AM
Explain why date night is important, that when your sick you need to be loved on and that the rest of the time your willing to do things to help him feel better about what he does. Ask how.


Quoting chipperer1ca:

Thank you both...still feeling really sick but hopefully it'll get better soon!



Dh and I are newlyweds. We've only been married 6 mos (lived together 9mos before marriage). Im still in love with him and having a planned date night helps me have something to look towards when Im feeling lonely for him. He doesn't think its that important.



I was in an unhappy marriage for 10 years before DH. I lived my own life and did my own thing and Didnt care if my ex liked it. Now ive learned you can't be single and married.



Dh just really hurt my feelings when all i wanted was a little care when i was sick. He'll be waking soon and i havent slept all night. And i dont know What to say to him.

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la_bella_vita
by Bella on Oct. 11, 2012 at 9:30 AM

 

Quoting 2lilmamas:

Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

(hugs)  I hope you get to feeling better soon.  You and your DH should sit down one day when he's not busy and you're not feeling yucky and have a heart-to-heart talk.  There has to be a compromise somewhere.  


 

CTSBrandy
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 9:56 AM

What your husband doesn't seem to understand is that marital relationships are like any living creature - they need time and attention to grow and thrive.  He thinks that he is showing you love by working hard and making efforts to get ahead in the world so that he can give you more things. If you are prepared to do this, tell him you would rather have less things and more time with him.  

If you can get your hands on a copy of the movie Fireproof, I recommend watching it with him. I also recommend picking up a copy of the Love Dare and going through all 40 days.  

amanda81919
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:02 AM
Give him a break, he works and goes to school all day!you're sick and overreacting. And you do seem needy.and at least he's there every night.
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