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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Is this odd? *Update*

Posted by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:00 AM
  • 46 Replies
I get home from work and my husband starts talking about an old friend that contacted him on Facebook. She wants them to be friends again after having no contact for four years. Since my husband has cheated in the past, he wanted to know if I would be ok with them being friends again. I told him I don't care, do whatever you want. That was at 8:30pm last night, since then she has called him twice and had texted him nonstop. I'm starting to get pissed because she doesn't need to talk to him at 2 in the morning. I told him that to me it's strange how she's blowing up his phone so quickly. We are trying to work through our issues, but I told him I don't trust him and he needs to earn it back (this whole situation is not helping). He thinks I'm overreacting, am I?

*Update*
Talked to him this morning and told him that I am trying to trust but doing it slowly. I figured be friends on facebook and chat, no big deal, but day 1 she gives her number to him and they start blowing up each others phone. It's not like they were friends for years and lost contact, they were only friends for 4 months total. I told her that in the friendship there needs to be boundaries, calling and texting until 2 is not ok. He said he would talk to her and let her know that she can't text and call that late. Also she knows about me, today she friend requested me on facebook.
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by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
PROGENITOR
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:17 AM
2 moms liked this

No, if he is serious about working through his infidelity and being committed to your marriage he wouldn't even entertain the idea of befriending a chick online (I wouldn't care if they were best buds growing up and she was a lesbian) it should be the last thing he wants right now. Never mind talking to her and texting so much. He'll cheat again. He is not to be trusted. He has zero respect for your relationship. If he did he wouldn't be doing any of this.

PROGENITOR
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:19 AM
1 mom liked this

That said, I think you should have told him "NO" when he asked you. You are both wrong.

Amybelle
by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:21 AM
So which is it?? You're OK & Trust him having female friends & or you don't
morbidmandy
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:23 AM
1 mom liked this

ask to read the texts. If he refuses, kick him out.

xoxRachelxox
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 9:31 AM

I wouldn't have told him it was okay.

If it is innocent and he has nothing to hide then he won't mind showing you what they're talking about in texts and messages.

mustloveanimals
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 9:34 AM
2 moms liked this

Being friends is one thing, but there are boundaries in normal friendships. Two calls and texts to 2AM is not something any of my friends nor my  husbands friends would do. That cuts into family time.

sbreece
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 9:37 AM
This. Don't tell him "do whatever you want" when clearly he wanted to be friends with her. Then don't get mad when he chooses to be friends with her. Granted, he shouldn't be talking to her at 2am but you should've told him to begin with you didn't like the idea. Men are simple creatures. They're not mind readers. You told him you didn't care. So..why do you care now? (Thar is probably what he is thinking now)
If my husband came to me asking to be friends with some chick after he'd already cheated..id CLEARLY say "hell no"! There would be no 'do what you want' or 'i don't care'. The answer would be hell no. He is to earn your trust back. Not make you keep questioning it.

Quoting PROGENITOR:

That said, I think you should have told him "NO" when he asked you. You are both wrong.



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MMerrill
by Melissa on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:12 AM

So you are ok with it, but not talking at 2am?  I don't blame you!!!  But it does seem like you don't want him to at all, so you need to tell him that you aren't ready for it.  I don't know why they'd be talking non stop and all through the night already, that's just weird.

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by Gold Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:21 AM

Asked to read the text message, if he said he has deleted them or tells you no too me that says he has a cheating problem and is not into your relationship at all. He should be severely kissing your ass and working like hell to make this marriage work. He also needs to defriend her and block her number which can be done!

TabM
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:22 AM
3 moms liked this

I fully trust my husband but wouldn't be ok with that. Any woman texting a married man at 2am is overstepping and inappropriate. It wouldn't be a matter of trust for me but a matter of her disrespect for your marriage. A married man is obviously in bed with his wife at 2am and that is where his attention should be focused.

And also him telling you, you are overreacting is pretty disrespectful of your feelings as well which at this point HE should be extremely sensitive to. IMO

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