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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

~~~UPDATE~~~ My husband almost walked out on me last night.

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~~~UPDATE~~~
This is a txt he sent me just now.
"I really love u a lot. I am sorry about last night. I will never do that to u or the kids again. I truly apologize and I love u"
This was my reply
"Aw babe. I love you too. More than you will EVER know. I never want to be without you. You are my rock. You're my world. You're my universe. I think that we should see a marriage counselor. I believe that a professional can help us and give us new ideas on how to handle stress. I know that you and I are meant to be together forever. I want help for myself because I need to be a better person all around. I dont think Im healthy, physically speaking.
What do you think?"
About the unhealthy physical talk, I've been having issues with what I believe are my ovaries. I am going to make zn appt to be seen because I have HPV and ovarian cancer runs in my moms side of the family. Just want to be cautious.


Our evening started just like any ordinary evening. I pick him up from work, we went to Walmart and came home. I am a SAHM and hubby works. He makes pretty decent money. Anyhow, on our ride home he is upset because our trip ended up costing $72. In the car he's saying how upset he is that he never has money for himself and all he is is a paycheck to us, ECT. Usually I bite my tongue and just listen to him rant but I got pissed at the "just a paycheck" comment. I spoke up saying something along the lines of its not true, we both made the decision for me to stay home with the kids while he worked, there's nothing I can do but ask him for money for things because I make $0. I asked him for $36 yesterday. $20 for my nails and $16 for our daughter to get her hair cut. (She got gum stuck in her hair.). Well, I should've just kept my mouth shut because I opened up a huuuge can of worms. He started ranting and raving about spending money and said some really fucked up shit about my mothering and how bad of a wife I am. He actually got so upset that he said he was leaving and taking our daughter with him. He told our 7 yr old daughter to pack some things for the night and give me and her brother one last hug. This was the most dramatic shit I have ever seen from him and for him to put our daughter thru it was, well, Im not happy about it. I ended up telling him that if he walked out we were over. I dont believe in separating or staying somewhere else for a night because you want to run away from the problem at hand. He asked me if I was serious and I looked him dead in the eye and said, " Yes". He still said he was going to leave, saying how bad I screwed up and that I can call my "man" and have him come over. WHAT?!? He was all over the place last night.
Fast forward an hour or so and he ended up not leaving and we talked. We talked about how we need to fix our relationship. We talked about a lot of things but Im to blame for everything. Im a horrible mother to our daughter because I treat our 1 yr old son better than her. Im a horrible wife because Im lazy and dont love my husband. Im just a horrible person all around. These are just a few things he said to me last night.
Can't believe I was this - - close to losing my world and he was going to take my princess with him. What a SHITTY night.
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by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 9:37 AM
Replies (21-30):
SuperMom2433
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:25 AM
That's the thing. I dont blow his money. It was his idea in the first place to pay for my nails. He made the spots and told me that he wanted to do it for me. Then it went from him happy about doing it for me to him getting upset when I would ask for the $20. Its $20/month. He spends that everyday on beer and chew.


Quoting little.worthen:

Well it kinda sounds like he had a reason to be mad.. Maybe not talk to you like crap, but you're spending all his money and for what? Your nails? What a waste!! I'd be pissed too!!

Like I said, not okay for him to talk to you like that but if every night or almost every night he bitches about money and you just keep your mouth hit, do you think letting him vent is going to solve the problem? No! He wants you to quit blowing his money!!

How would you feel if you were trying to get a point across to him and all he did was let you vent or say "sorry" and then keep doing it..

Just because your husband makes enough money, doesn't mean you can go blow it on whatever you want because you guys decided that you should stay home. That's not how it works...

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SuperMom2433
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:28 AM
It was his idea for me to get nails done. Its $20/month. He spends that daily on beer and chew. He makes $2400/month. It went from him telling me to get my nails done because I deserve it to him getting upset when I would ask for the money.


Quoting amanda81919:

I'm sorry but you're a sahm and you get your nails done!?! Maybe you should cut out your luxury items and make it a little easy

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zagomez
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:29 AM

if you not having any income is starting to be a problem, maybe its time for you to get a job, or a part-time maybe?

LoveMyLos
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:29 AM
Not sure why you think you need therapy and be a better person....your dh is the douch here, not you.

Quoting SuperMom2433:

Im going to make sure I fight as hard as I can to make this work. That way if things still end up crumbling then I know I tried. Im going to work on becoming a better person. Going to find some therapy/counseling.




Quoting LoveMyLos:

Fuck that! My dh pulls the same shit. Im filing for seperation this week. Dont put up with that shit. U deserve better.

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Donna.June
by Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:29 AM
It sounds like he is not happy about something. If dh ever tried that crap, he'd be gone. He'll see what it'll be like without me. Poor man would starve and go without clothes. Lol, jk. But seriously, that wouldn't fly with me. Especially him trying to take our kids. Nope, they would stay with me.
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Bradya
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:29 AM
Hug hun sorry I hope things work out for you guys
SuperMom2433
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:30 AM
I had found a few things that would have worked with his schedule and he told me it wouldn't work. Im just going to find some daycare for our son. Hubby doesnt want him in daycare but Im tired of this fight.


Quoting zagomez:

if you not having any income is starting to be a problem, maybe its time for you to get a job, or a part-time maybe?


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
rockinmomto2
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:37 AM

My husband and I are going through something similar (and have been for quite a few months (since May)). Here's the thing: he's projecting onto you. It's not that you are doing anything wrong (maybe you could be doing better at some things, but that's not what this is about). He's projecting his feelings about himself onto you. He's feeling like he's not doing enough or he's not making enough money. 

If you want your marriage to work, you guys need to get into counseling. Figure this shit out. *hugs* and good luck!

AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:38 AM
2 moms liked this

Actually that's exactly how it works.  When HE makes the decision to have HER stay at home..  and she's TRIED to get work but he makes EXCUSES to keep her home..  then yes, that's how it works.

He's made the decision that his would be only income. He can't expect her to sit at home and twiddle her thumbs and wait for him to throw her a bone.  $20 for nails is nothing.  I know women that have had to have a $400 Coach purse every other month...  a $200 a week shoe habit.  He's getting off pretty easy if you ask me.

$70 something dollars at Walmart (I'm guessing SOME of that at least was for food..  for the WHOLE FAMILY) isn't much to complain about.

Sounds like he was having a crappy day and projecting it onto her.

I'm sorry..  (I'm all for the "50's Family) but I cannot stand the notion that a man controls everything.  I cannot stand the "His and Mine" bull.  Especially if it means that he GETS to treat her like crap.  No thanks.

Threatening to take one of the kids and take off like thats, that's noting but mental abuse.  He had no intention of leaving her..  he was throwing a damn hissy fit.  Calling her an abusive (or horrible) mother is nothing short of manipulation and abuse.  Forget that.

(this has nothing against you, and I'm not trying to have a fight or anything.  I just don't agree with what you're saying here)

Quoting little.worthen:

Well it kinda sounds like he had a reason to be mad.. Maybe not talk to you like crap, but you're spending all his money and for what? Your nails? What a waste!! I'd be pissed too!!
Like I said, not okay for him to talk to you like that but if every night or almost every night he bitches about money and you just keep your mouth hit, do you think letting him vent is going to solve the problem? No! He wants you to quit blowing his money!!
How would you feel if you were trying to get a point across to him and all he did was let you vent or say "sorry" and then keep doing it..
Just because your husband makes enough money, doesn't mean you can go blow it on whatever you want because you guys decided that you should stay home. That's not how it works...


SuperMom2433
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:40 AM
Thank you.


Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

Actually that's exactly how it works.  When HE makes the decision to have HER stay at home..  and she's TRIED to get work but he makes EXCUSES to keep her home..  then yes, that's how it works.

He's made the decision that his would be only income. He can't expect her to sit at home and twiddle her thumbs and wait for him to throw her a bone.  $20 for nails is nothing.  I know women that have had to have a $400 Coach purse every other month...  a $200 a week shoe habit.  He's getting off pretty easy if you ask me.

$70 something dollars at Walmart (I'm guessing SOME of that at least was for food..  for the WHOLE FAMILY) isn't much to complain about.

Sounds like he was having a crappy day and projecting it onto her.

I'm sorry..  (I'm all for the "50's Family) but I cannot stand the notion that a man controls everything.  I cannot stand the "His and Mine" bull.  Especially if it means that he GETS to treat her like crap.  No thanks.

Threatening to take one of the kids and take off like thats, that's noting but mental abuse.  He had no intention of leaving her..  he was throwing a damn hissy fit.  Calling her an abusive (or horrible) mother is nothing short of manipulation and abuse.  Forget that.

(this has nothing against you, and I'm not trying to have a fight or anything.  I just don't agree with what you're saying here)

Quoting little.worthen:

Well it kinda sounds like he had a reason to be mad.. Maybe not talk to you like crap, but you're spending all his money and for what? Your nails? What a waste!! I'd be pissed too!!

Like I said, not okay for him to talk to you like that but if every night or almost every night he bitches about money and you just keep your mouth hit, do you think letting him vent is going to solve the problem? No! He wants you to quit blowing his money!!

How would you feel if you were trying to get a point across to him and all he did was let you vent or say "sorry" and then keep doing it..

Just because your husband makes enough money, doesn't mean you can go blow it on whatever you want because you guys decided that you should stay home. That's not how it works...



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