~~~UPDATE~~~ My husband almost walked out on me last night.
This is a txt he sent me just now.
"I really love u a lot. I am sorry about last night. I will never do that to u or the kids again. I truly apologize and I love u"
This was my reply
"Aw babe. I love you too. More than you will EVER know. I never want to be without you. You are my rock. You're my world. You're my universe. I think that we should see a marriage counselor. I believe that a professional can help us and give us new ideas on how to handle stress. I know that you and I are meant to be together forever. I want help for myself because I need to be a better person all around. I dont think Im healthy, physically speaking.
What do you think?"
About the unhealthy physical talk, I've been having issues with what I believe are my ovaries. I am going to make zn appt to be seen because I have HPV and ovarian cancer runs in my moms side of the family. Just want to be cautious.
Our evening started just like any ordinary evening. I pick him up from work, we went to Walmart and came home. I am a SAHM and hubby works. He makes pretty decent money. Anyhow, on our ride home he is upset because our trip ended up costing $72. In the car he's saying how upset he is that he never has money for himself and all he is is a paycheck to us, ECT. Usually I bite my tongue and just listen to him rant but I got pissed at the "just a paycheck" comment. I spoke up saying something along the lines of its not true, we both made the decision for me to stay home with the kids while he worked, there's nothing I can do but ask him for money for things because I make $0. I asked him for $36 yesterday. $20 for my nails and $16 for our daughter to get her hair cut. (She got gum stuck in her hair.). Well, I should've just kept my mouth shut because I opened up a huuuge can of worms. He started ranting and raving about spending money and said some really fucked up shit about my mothering and how bad of a wife I am. He actually got so upset that he said he was leaving and taking our daughter with him. He told our 7 yr old daughter to pack some things for the night and give me and her brother one last hug. This was the most dramatic shit I have ever seen from him and for him to put our daughter thru it was, well, Im not happy about it. I ended up telling him that if he walked out we were over. I dont believe in separating or staying somewhere else for a night because you want to run away from the problem at hand. He asked me if I was serious and I looked him dead in the eye and said, " Yes". He still said he was going to leave, saying how bad I screwed up and that I can call my "man" and have him come over. WHAT?!? He was all over the place last night.
Fast forward an hour or so and he ended up not leaving and we talked. We talked about how we need to fix our relationship. We talked about a lot of things but Im to blame for everything. Im a horrible mother to our daughter because I treat our 1 yr old son better than her. Im a horrible wife because Im lazy and dont love my husband. Im just a horrible person all around. These are just a few things he said to me last night.
Can't believe I was this - - close to losing my world and he was going to take my princess with him. What a SHITTY night.
I'm glad the two of you were able to talk things out. Good luck in rebuilding your relationship.
:(
Quoting SuperMom2433:
I know you know that we have had problems recently and this is the worst its been. I can't believe he put our daughter thru something so traumatic. She was actually packing up her room and bawling, asking if this was the last time she would see her little brother and me. Everytime I think about it I get terribly sad and nauseas.
Quoting la_bella_vita:
Oh wow, I'm not sure what to say. I hope you two are able to work things out.
Quoting LoveMyLos:
Not sure why you think you need therapy and be a better person....your dh is the douch here, not you.
Quoting SuperMom2433:
Im going to make sure I fight as hard as I can to make this work. That way if things still end up crumbling then I know I tried. Im going to work on becoming a better person. Going to find some therapy/counseling.
Quoting LoveMyLos:
Fuck that! My dh pulls the same shit. Im filing for seperation this week. Dont put up with that shit. U deserve better.
Let me preface what I am about to say by stating that this is not a generalization. This isn't true for 100% of stay at home Mom's. If this doesn't apply to you, good for you, congratulations. I'm saying this to avoid 50 replies disagreeing with my comment. This does NOT apply to all men, but it does, indeed apply to some.
This is why I would NEVER be a SAHM. EVER. I think a lot of men, even if they agree to the situation, resent that they work full time and don't get to necessarily enjoy the spoils of their labor. I think a lot of men think that SAHM's have it really easy and sit back all day eating Bon bons and getting their nails done while they slave away with nothing to show for it. It's easy for them to not see the larger picture.
On the other hand, if you do decide to work, then it's all "Oh no. I can't have you gone 4-8 hours a day even if I'm home." Or, "Oh no, I can't take the kids to/from daycare or pay for any of it". It's like if you want to work you can only do it in the confines of his schedule.
I get it. I have always either worked or had some form of money coming in, even if it wasn't much. During the times when it wasn't much, asking my husband for money was like pulling teeth. He'd huff and puff and cause a scene. My Mother taught me that you can never fully depend on a man to support you, and it's a lesson I am greatful for, as early on in our marriage my husband really drove that point home with his comments and actions. I went to school and went into a career field where I make fantastic money, enough to fully support myself if need be, so that I would never have to ask him for another penny ever again. Now, he kind of gets insecure because I can support myself just fine.
Go figure. You can't ever really win.
Quoting SuperMom2433:
Of course I have! I had a perfect offer making $10/hr as a server Friday nights and Sat and Sun noon to end of dinner rush. He told me it wouldn't work out. It would have he just didn't want me to do it. Not sure his exact reasoning but a few things come to mind...
Quoting The_Doodle:Maybe he is starting to resent being the only working parent. Have you thought about getting a part time job opposite his schedule to help with the extras?
I'm so sorry. I don't know, if my husband had acted that way and said those things, I would have let him leave, but called the cops to make sure that he didn't leave with my child. His actions and words are inexcusable. He is being emotionally manipulative, and the only way it's going to get better is not by YOU getting therapy, but by HIM realizing that he needs to get his act together and seeing a therapist.
Don't let him make you a doormat. Just because you stay at home does not mean that he is the one in control. Make it clear that if he has a problem, then it's discussed away from the kids. And when you do "discuss the problem," stand your ground. Don't let him make you think for one second that you are a terrible wife and mother. Point out his manipulations (telling you to get your nails done, and then giving you shit about it; bitching about being the sole provider and then saying your a bad mom for offering to get a job and put your son in daycare; and most importantly, trying to manipulate your daughter into thinking that you treat her little brother better.). Make him see what an asshole he is being. I know you don't believe in separation, but it might be what needs to happen so that he can clearly see what he is doing. I don't know the whole storty, but from what I have seen from your posts on CM, he is mostly to blame for what's going on. *HUGS*
p.s. He should have apologized in person, not over text.
Quoting ReadWriteLuv:
He doesn't want to be stuck with the kids by himself.
Let me preface what I am about to say by stating that this is not a generalization. This isn't true for 100% of stay at home Mom's. If this doesn't apply to you, good for you, congratulations. I'm saying this to avoid 50 replies disagreeing with my comment. This does NOT apply to all men, but it does, indeed apply to some.
This is why I would NEVER be a SAHM. EVER. I think a lot of men, even if they agree to the situation, resent that they work full time and don't get to necessarily enjoy the spoils of their labor. I think a lot of men think that SAHM's have it really easy and sit back all day eating Bon bons and getting their nails done while they slave away with nothing to show for it. It's easy for them to not see the larger picture.
On the other hand, if you do decide to work, then it's all "Oh no. I can't have you gone 4-8 hours a day even if I'm home." Or, "Oh no, I can't take the kids to/from daycare or pay for any of it". It's like if you want to work you can only do it in the confines of his schedule.
I get it. I have always either worked or had some form of money coming in, even if it wasn't much. During the times when it wasn't much, asking my husband for money was like pulling teeth. He'd huff and puff and cause a scene. My Mother taught me that you can never fully depend on a man to support you, and it's a lesson I am greatful for, as early on in our marriage my husband really drove that point home with his comments and actions. I went to school and went into a career field where I make fantastic money, enough to fully support myself if need be, so that I would never have to ask him for another penny ever again. Now, he kind of gets insecure because I can support myself just fine.
Go figure. You can't ever really win.
Quoting SuperMom2433:
Of course I have! I had a perfect offer making $10/hr as a server Friday nights and Sat and Sun noon to end of dinner rush. He told me it wouldn't work out. It would have he just didn't want me to do it. Not sure his exact reasoning but a few things come to mind...
Quoting The_Doodle:Maybe he is starting to resent being the only working parent. Have you thought about getting a part time job opposite his schedule to help with the extras?
Quoting aimesnyc:I'm so sorry. I don't know, if my husband had acted that way and said those things, I would have let him leave, but called the cops to make sure that he didn't leave with my child. His actions and words are inexcusable. He is being emotionally manipulative, and the only way it's going to get better is not by YOU getting therapy, but by HIM realizing that he needs to get his act together and seeing a therapist.
Don't let him make you a doormat. Just because you stay at home does not mean that he is the one in control. Make it clear that if he has a problem, then it's discussed away from the kids. And when you do "discuss the problem," stand your ground. Don't let him make you think for one second that you are a terrible wife and mother. Point out his manipulations (telling you to get your nails done, and then giving you shit about it; bitching about being the sole provider and then saying your a bad mom for offering to get a job and put your son in daycare; and most importantly, trying to manipulate your daughter into thinking that you treat her little brother better.). Make him see what an asshole he is being. I know you don't believe in separation, but it might be what needs to happen so that he can clearly see what he is doing. I don't know the whole storty, but from what I have seen from your posts on CM, he is mostly to blame for what's going on. *HUGS*
p.s. He should have apologized in person, not over text.
Quoting LadyBugMom09:
You need to make a budget and set aside some money just for him to spend how he wants.
Dh and my argument today made me so mad, and realized he is lazy
- SuperMom2433
on Oct. 11, 2012 at 9:37 AM