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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I feel stupid for posting, thinking or even talking about this but… (little bit more info)

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• Do not comment if you are going to be rude, judgmental, bitchy, or in anyway shape or form an asshole about the situation, me or my DH. 



• No I do not have family to turn to about this

• No I do not have any friends to turn to 



• This is the only place I can go to vent, rant, rave and express how I feel.

• Here is the only place I can freely express with out being scared of anything. 



So… today is my 10-11-12 birthday! My DH has told me about a million time happy birthday because he feels bad about not being able to be here. Well we had a plan to go out to celebrate on the 20th but like every year something else happens to put a stop to that. (I have never had a birthday party or even celebrated my birthday EVER) DH and I have been together for 3yrs the 1st yr I was pregnant, the 2nd year he was at work, this year well this one pisses me off the most… he will forget because on 10-10-10 my DHs ex fiancés 19yr old son killed himself.  Now she is coming here that weekend and well yet again I am nothin to anyone. I don't mean to be selfish or sound selfish after 18 year (I'm only 25) I should be use to everyone forgetting my birthday by now but I'm not every year I'm hurt that no one remembers. And it does not help that my DHs aunt turned 48 today either. 



I don't know I guess it's just my pitty party and I know it's selfish but this is the first time I have her said anything about how I feel when it comes to this. Usually I just keep my mouth shut and go on with my day as though nothing even happened. I feel stupid for even talking about it or even caring after all these years I guess. 



Oh and my DH has been saying happy birthday to me all day a million times because he feels bad for not being here this year either he said. (He is at work) 

I'm not mad at my DH he set a reminder on his phone and that's to be expected because he has a really hard job and is away for so long. It's not about the gifts last month my DH bought me a new car for my birthday! It's the fact that no one acknowledged the fact it was my birthday even when FB tells people. Not even my own mother wished me happy birthday ):
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:49 PM
Replies (21-30):
Megan11587
by Megan on Oct. 12, 2012 at 7:56 AM
1 mom liked this

 :(  Happy belated birthday!!

BrennaLyons
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:35 AM
1 mom liked this

I know the feeling of being overlooked. My parents routinely forget to say something on the day. I usually hear from them a day or two later. My kids and husband do remember, and that's nice. But not a single person in my birth family said a thing to me for my birthday on my birthday. It's hard not to feel like an afterthought. In fact, that's what I feel like most days and have for most of my life.

These days, my husband makes a point to make sure I have a birthday celebration or at least a day out with him (movie, dinner out...whatever I want to do). He does this BECAUSE I never had a birthday just for me growing up. My brother was born a year and two weeks after me, and I was born on my aunt's birthday. I NEVER...not a single time growing up...had a birthday party that was just for me. I was always treated as part of a matched set.

Since I was the oldest, I was always shortchanged. When my younger sister had her first communion the same weekend I graduated college (the FIRST person in our family to graduate college), she got a party with more than a hundred guests, and I didn't even get a cake. When I pointed out the snub to my father and step-mother, their excuse was, "Well, she'll only have her first communion once." And how many times would I graduate college? Seriously, I didn't want to take over my sister's day. I would have been content with a banner congratulating me at the same party already planned for my sister. A little paint and paper. Was that too much to ask? Apparently so.

I don't know what else to tell you besides two things. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. And...you are not alone.

Aamy
by Bronze Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:41 AM
I have been married for 14 years, my DH has the same birthday as me, yes born on the same day, month, and year, and we have never been able to really celebrate. Our birthday is Dec 27th. Maybe talk to him. Tell him you want to do something. Good luck and happy birthday.
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givenshl
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:57 AM

 I understand what your saying. Don't be down about it. Just try and celebrate Your Birthday for Yourself for now on.

 

nlc75
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 11:18 AM
Happy Birthday! I'm confused why is your DH's ex coming there this weekend??
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PROGENITOR
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 11:44 AM

Have you asked yourself why no one is acknowldeging your Bday? Is it part of their beliefs to not celebrate? There has to be a reason that no one acknowldges it. Maybe look into talking to a professional about your issues with this.

Willow.wind
by Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 11:48 AM
I make my own b day plans... It would probably turn out bad if I didn't ... I'm fortunate we have family & the finances, but I totally plan my b day just to take a me break... This year it was just dh kids & sil we went to sushi
Willow.wind
by Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 11:50 AM
Bake a cake with your kids... They love to sing happy b day to mommy... It's the best
Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:17 PM

 ((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 2:02 PM

I completely understand how you feel and yes, it sucks and I don't think it's selfish at all to feel that way!

I used to never get any attention for my birthday nor have birthday parties.  My b-day is around Thanksgiving and my cousin's is a few days before mine and they used to always celebrate hers but not even mention mine during Thanksgiving.  I used to also set up something for just about everyone's birthday and coordinate but no one would ever do anything for mine.  It's not about being tit for tat but rather just simple recognition.  You know what I did?  I started making a big deal about it every year and I told DH that I started doing it BECAUSE I wasn't selfish enough and that people simply ignored it because they thought it was okay and it really hurt my feelings.

Bottom line - tell your DH how you feel and how upset you are and that you feel slighted.  You have every right to be made to feel special on your birthday and people need to put all of that in perspective.  Go ahead and make a big deal about your day - you deserve it.

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