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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Controlling DH from HELL!

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Next Sunday, October 21st, my DH and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary. We've been together a total of three years but for the past few months he's been very controlling. Doesn't want me having a Facebook, doesn't want me with a instagram, doesn't want me going out w/ friends etc, but he can do anything he wants and if I say something, he starts bxtching and going on. I'm beyond tired of feeling down, controlled and feeling I'm trapped in my marriage. I love him dearly but enough is enough. I have feelings too and I'm tired of crying. I just want to have some meaning to him and stop feeling like I'm walking on egg shells. He says I nag too much but I only nag about the things he has asked him to help him change so he can be a better man. But once I try to help, he goes off. It's like he wants me to care but goes off then when I stopped caring he still goes off. Double edged sword right? He still asks like a teenager. Everything he does has an excuse. From putting his friends first to his attitude. He doesn't see anything he does. Like no matter what he does or how bad, he isn't worried about the aftermath. I leave for army boot camp on the 30th and I'm at the point where imma hate leaving my kids but yay to be away from him headed towards divorce, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE IN DIVORCE. I take my vows seriously but seriously what do you do when love isn't enough to make you stay?
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by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 5:40 PM
Replies (11-20):
beeky
by Alexandra on Oct. 13, 2012 at 7:54 PM
1 mom liked this

I've read all your posts but never commented.  It seems quite clear to me that the closer you get to boot camp, the worse he gets.  Has it not occurred to you that he is having a hard time dealing with that? 

You had better get him to open up about that before you leave or else the separation will definitley finish off your marriage.

MsMikeyy
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 7:59 PM
Thanks for commenting now. Ive had that thought. I've also thought that because he's kinda messed up his life that he might be a little jealous. It's hard getting him to open up more but I've been trying. Thanks.

Quoting beeky:

I've read all your posts but never commented.  It seems quite clear to me that the closer you get to boot camp, the worse he gets.  Has it not occurred to you that he is having a hard time dealing with that? 


You had better get him to open up about that before you leave or else the separation will definitley finish off your marriage.

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beeky
by Alexandra on Oct. 13, 2012 at 8:07 PM

 

I think it's more than jealousy, it's dependence.  Don't you have a young child?  You will be leaving him alone to not only cope by himself but to be responsible for a child as well.  How long will you be gone?

Quoting MsMikeyy:

Thanks for commenting now. Ive had that thought. I've also thought that because he's kinda messed up his life that he might be a little jealous. It's hard getting him to open up more but I've been trying. Thanks.

Quoting beeky:

I've read all your posts but never commented.  It seems quite clear to me that the closer you get to boot camp, the worse he gets.  Has it not occurred to you that he is having a hard time dealing with that? 


You had better get him to open up about that before you leave or else the separation will definitley finish off your marriage.


MsMikeyy
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 8:21 PM
Yes I have a four year old and six year old. They will be with my mother. He will not be here. I'll be gone til Christmas then I'll be here for two weeks then gone again until June. But I'll get weekends when I'm in ait and that starts in january.

Quoting beeky:

 


I think it's more than jealousy, it's dependence.  Don't you have a young child?  You will be leaving him alone to not only cope by himself but to be responsible for a child as well.  How long will you be gone?


Quoting MsMikeyy:

Thanks for commenting now. Ive had that thought. I've also thought that because he's kinda messed up his life that he might be a little jealous. It's hard getting him to open up more but I've been trying. Thanks.


Quoting beeky:


I've read all your posts but never commented.  It seems quite clear to me that the closer you get to boot camp, the worse he gets.  Has it not occurred to you that he is having a hard time dealing with that? 



You had better get him to open up about that before you leave or else the separation will definitley finish off your marriage.



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GatorsWife4Life
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 8:27 PM

 I'm sorry you are going through this momma. Have you talked to him about maybe some marriage counciling? Maybe that would be good for ya'll. I am glad to hear you don't believe in divorce, which means you will fight to save your marriage but remember, you both have to fight, not just one of you. Goood luck.

MagicTemptation
by Christina on Oct. 13, 2012 at 8:28 PM

Why is your mother taking the kids instead of your husband? Could that be affecting him as well. He won't have you or the kids? It isn't easy being a military family. If the other poster is right (I havent read your other posts) then maybe he is worried you will find someone while away. If he isn't up to handling it, are you ok with that? Have you thought about your parenting plan if you and him divorce and you get deployed?  You won't get weekends free to leave during AIT immediately. I know it varies. Also if one person screws up then it can ruin weekends for all of you. Are you lucky to live close to where you are going to AIT? I am not trying to worry you, just letting know you what I have learned from experience. 

Quoting MsMikeyy:

Yes I have a four year old and six year old. They will be with my mother. He will not be here. I'll be gone til Christmas then I'll be here for two weeks then gone again until June. But I'll get weekends when I'm in ait and that starts in january.

Quoting beeky:



I think it's more than jealousy, it's dependence.  Don't you have a young child?  You will be leaving him alone to not only cope by himself but to be responsible for a child as well.  How long will you be gone?


Quoting MsMikeyy:

Thanks for commenting now. Ive had that thought. I've also thought that because he's kinda messed up his life that he might be a little jealous. It's hard getting him to open up more but I've been trying. Thanks.


Quoting beeky:


I've read all your posts but never commented.  It seems quite clear to me that the closer you get to boot camp, the worse he gets.  Has it not occurred to you that he is having a hard time dealing with that? 



You had better get him to open up about that before you leave or else the separation will definitley finish off your marriage.




MsMikeyy
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 8:40 PM
He has to go to jail for a year due to a probation violation. He's had a rough child hood etc but I'm tired of looking at that as an excuse because he's a grown a man and needs to change. Um if I fly, I'm a hour away from where ait will be. He has mentioned something about me moving on but he shouldn't worry if he would do his part. My mom has always said what one man won't do another will and a man should never give another man the slightest chance to make his woman smile. Now I'm not saying I will cheat because that's not me. Also of I divorce, my sons dad will take him if I get deployed and my daughter will be with my mom. Neither of my kids are biologically his but he loves them like his.

Quoting MagicTemptation:

Why is your mother taking the kids instead of your husband? Could that be affecting him as well. He won't have you or the kids? It isn't easy being a military family. If the other poster is right (I havent read your other posts) then maybe he is worried you will find someone while away. If he isn't up to handling it, are you ok with that? Have you thought about your parenting plan if you and him divorce and you get deployed?  You won't get weekends free to leave during AIT immediately. I know it varies. Also if one person screws up then it can ruin weekends for all of you. Are you lucky to live close to where you are going to AIT? I am not trying to worry you, just letting know you what I have learned from experience. 


Quoting MsMikeyy:

Yes I have a four year old and six year old. They will be with my mother. He will not be here. I'll be gone til Christmas then I'll be here for two weeks then gone again until June. But I'll get weekends when I'm in ait and that starts in january.



Quoting beeky:




I think it's more than jealousy, it's dependence.  Don't you have a young child?  You will be leaving him alone to not only cope by himself but to be responsible for a child as well.  How long will you be gone?



Quoting MsMikeyy:

Thanks for commenting now. Ive had that thought. I've also thought that because he's kinda messed up his life that he might be a little jealous. It's hard getting him to open up more but I've been trying. Thanks.



Quoting beeky:



I've read all your posts but never commented.  It seems quite clear to me that the closer you get to boot camp, the worse he gets.  Has it not occurred to you that he is having a hard time dealing with that? 




You had better get him to open up about that before you leave or else the separation will definitley finish off your marriage.





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Hottmomma607
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OMG!!! Jax is gonna go off the deep end!! Even deeper! lol
Yesterday at 11:47 AM
by Trica on Oct. 13, 2012 at 8:41 PM
I think it should go both ways! No man controlling a woman and no woman controlling a man! Adults are adults and she be treated aa such! He can't have it one way! You can have individual things and still be happily married, trusting&faithful! Have you tried talking to a counselor?
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wintermermaid
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 8:42 PM

Counseling. You go even if he won't. Change needs to happen if you're going to stay with him. That is a difficult way to live.. almost sounds abusive. Also makes me suspicious of him. 

MsMikeyy
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 8:49 PM
1 mom liked this
We haven't tried counseling but I am willing to. I want to get things right but I feel like I've been losing myself in the process of being there for him like a wife should.

Quoting Hottmomma607:

I think it should go both ways! No man controlling a woman and no woman controlling a man! Adults are adults and she be treated aa such! He can't have it one way! You can have individual things and still be happily married, trusting&faithful! Have you tried talking to a counselor?
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