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Controlling DH from HELL!

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Next Sunday, October 21st, my DH and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary. We've been together a total of three years but for the past few months he's been very controlling. Doesn't want me having a Facebook, doesn't want me with a instagram, doesn't want me going out w/ friends etc, but he can do anything he wants and if I say something, he starts bxtching and going on. I'm beyond tired of feeling down, controlled and feeling I'm trapped in my marriage. I love him dearly but enough is enough. I have feelings too and I'm tired of crying. I just want to have some meaning to him and stop feeling like I'm walking on egg shells. He says I nag too much but I only nag about the things he has asked him to help him change so he can be a better man. But once I try to help, he goes off. It's like he wants me to care but goes off then when I stopped caring he still goes off. Double edged sword right? He still asks like a teenager. Everything he does has an excuse. From putting his friends first to his attitude. He doesn't see anything he does. Like no matter what he does or how bad, he isn't worried about the aftermath. I leave for army boot camp on the 30th and I'm at the point where imma hate leaving my kids but yay to be away from him headed towards divorce, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE IN DIVORCE. I take my vows seriously but seriously what do you do when love isn't enough to make you stay?
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by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 5:40 PM
Replies (21-30):
MagicTemptation
by Christina on Oct. 13, 2012 at 8:59 PM

It sounds like yall are dealing with alot at once. I'm sorry. I hope things work out for yall in the best possible way.  Goodluck with the Army!! It's great that your doing something for yourself, your family, and your country.

Quoting MsMikeyy:

He has to go to jail for a year due to a probation violation. He's had a rough child hood etc but I'm tired of looking at that as an excuse because he's a grown a man and needs to change. Um if I fly, I'm a hour away from where ait will be. He has mentioned something about me moving on but he shouldn't worry if he would do his part. My mom has always said what one man won't do another will and a man should never give another man the slightest chance to make his woman smile. Now I'm not saying I will cheat because that's not me. Also of I divorce, my sons dad will take him if I get deployed and my daughter will be with my mom. Neither of my kids are biologically his but he loves them like his.

Quoting MagicTemptation:

Why is your mother taking the kids instead of your husband? Could that be affecting him as well. He won't have you or the kids? It isn't easy being a military family. If the other poster is right (I havent read your other posts) then maybe he is worried you will find someone while away. If he isn't up to handling it, are you ok with that? Have you thought about your parenting plan if you and him divorce and you get deployed?  You won't get weekends free to leave during AIT immediately. I know it varies. Also if one person screws up then it can ruin weekends for all of you. Are you lucky to live close to where you are going to AIT? I am not trying to worry you, just letting know you what I have learned from experience. 


Quoting MsMikeyy:

Yes I have a four year old and six year old. They will be with my mother. He will not be here. I'll be gone til Christmas then I'll be here for two weeks then gone again until June. But I'll get weekends when I'm in ait and that starts in january.



Quoting beeky:




I think it's more than jealousy, it's dependence.  Don't you have a young child?  You will be leaving him alone to not only cope by himself but to be responsible for a child as well.  How long will you be gone?



Quoting MsMikeyy:

Thanks for commenting now. Ive had that thought. I've also thought that because he's kinda messed up his life that he might be a little jealous. It's hard getting him to open up more but I've been trying. Thanks.



Quoting beeky:



I've read all your posts but never commented.  It seems quite clear to me that the closer you get to boot camp, the worse he gets.  Has it not occurred to you that he is having a hard time dealing with that? 




You had better get him to open up about that before you leave or else the separation will definitley finish off your marriage.






MsMikeyy
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 9:04 PM
Thank you :)

Quoting MagicTemptation:

It sounds like yall are dealing with alot at once. I'm sorry. I hope things work out for yall in the best possible way.  Goodluck with the Army!! It's great that your doing something for yourself, your family, and your country.


Quoting MsMikeyy:

He has to go to jail for a year due to a probation violation. He's had a rough child hood etc but I'm tired of looking at that as an excuse because he's a grown a man and needs to change. Um if I fly, I'm a hour away from where ait will be. He has mentioned something about me moving on but he shouldn't worry if he would do his part. My mom has always said what one man won't do another will and a man should never give another man the slightest chance to make his woman smile. Now I'm not saying I will cheat because that's not me. Also of I divorce, my sons dad will take him if I get deployed and my daughter will be with my mom. Neither of my kids are biologically his but he loves them like his.



Quoting MagicTemptation:

Why is your mother taking the kids instead of your husband? Could that be affecting him as well. He won't have you or the kids? It isn't easy being a military family. If the other poster is right (I havent read your other posts) then maybe he is worried you will find someone while away. If he isn't up to handling it, are you ok with that? Have you thought about your parenting plan if you and him divorce and you get deployed?  You won't get weekends free to leave during AIT immediately. I know it varies. Also if one person screws up then it can ruin weekends for all of you. Are you lucky to live close to where you are going to AIT? I am not trying to worry you, just letting know you what I have learned from experience. 



Quoting MsMikeyy:

Yes I have a four year old and six year old. They will be with my mother. He will not be here. I'll be gone til Christmas then I'll be here for two weeks then gone again until June. But I'll get weekends when I'm in ait and that starts in january.





Quoting beeky:





I think it's more than jealousy, it's dependence.  Don't you have a young child?  You will be leaving him alone to not only cope by himself but to be responsible for a child as well.  How long will you be gone?




Quoting MsMikeyy:

Thanks for commenting now. Ive had that thought. I've also thought that because he's kinda messed up his life that he might be a little jealous. It's hard getting him to open up more but I've been trying. Thanks.




Quoting beeky:




I've read all your posts but never commented.  It seems quite clear to me that the closer you get to boot camp, the worse he gets.  Has it not occurred to you that he is having a hard time dealing with that? 





You had better get him to open up about that before you leave or else the separation will definitley finish off your marriage.







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jlbelknap35
by Bronze Member on Oct. 13, 2012 at 9:05 PM
I know you don't want divorce but think how your kids are looking at this. He will probably get worse too. Get right in the army then get to legal and talk to them. If your this miserable then your kids probably are too.
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MrsBell29
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 10:26 PM

This is a sad situtation.  Have you done any investigating of your own on him ?  Usually people doing those actions have something to hide.  " Not saying you husband is cheating "  i would just keep your eyes open. Also ever though you are married you have the RIGHT to have a life.  

Wish you the best !

jamieharper08
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 10:33 PM

Maybe he is feels insecure because you are leaving? My mother always said that my step father would act like an ass before he'd leave on cruise. It was just easier for him to leave if he was mad. Just a thought. I hope you guys can figure it out and have a happy healthy relationship :)

BrennaLyons
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 10:39 PM

Counseling. For both of you. I know that sounds like a pat answer, but it helps. The problem is that it only works if you both work at it. If he's not willing to, NOTHING you do will be able to save what he's not willing to help make function.

ShannaBee
by Platinum Member on Oct. 13, 2012 at 11:27 PM

Whenever my DH's personality changes, I confront him.

Has he always been like this? Or is this new? (I haven't read through the replies, perhaps I should).

I would talk to him about it. If things won't change, it can build up to worse over time.

MsMikeyy
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 8:59 AM
Thanks ladies.
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Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 11:30 AM

 ((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))

Lefty38
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 11:47 AM

I suggest you take another look at 'I don't believe in divorce'. Walking on egg shells in your own home, him isolating you fromeveryone/everything, no good can come from this. The military is a hard life, family support is essential. Your husband is all about himself, I don't why he changed into a controlling idiot, but you need to have a serious talk with him and find out what's going on and figure out if you can live with this if he's not willing to change his attitude. Sounds like you already know this is not what you signed up for; do you want your kids going through this too?

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