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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Controlling DH from HELL!

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Next Sunday, October 21st, my DH and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary. We've been together a total of three years but for the past few months he's been very controlling. Doesn't want me having a Facebook, doesn't want me with a instagram, doesn't want me going out w/ friends etc, but he can do anything he wants and if I say something, he starts bxtching and going on. I'm beyond tired of feeling down, controlled and feeling I'm trapped in my marriage. I love him dearly but enough is enough. I have feelings too and I'm tired of crying. I just want to have some meaning to him and stop feeling like I'm walking on egg shells. He says I nag too much but I only nag about the things he has asked him to help him change so he can be a better man. But once I try to help, he goes off. It's like he wants me to care but goes off then when I stopped caring he still goes off. Double edged sword right? He still asks like a teenager. Everything he does has an excuse. From putting his friends first to his attitude. He doesn't see anything he does. Like no matter what he does or how bad, he isn't worried about the aftermath. I leave for army boot camp on the 30th and I'm at the point where imma hate leaving my kids but yay to be away from him headed towards divorce, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE IN DIVORCE. I take my vows seriously but seriously what do you do when love isn't enough to make you stay?
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by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 5:40 PM
Replies (31-40):
notjstasocermom
by Silver Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 2:56 PM

why did you marry him?

lazyd
by Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 4:23 PM

Im sorry, but it wont get better and you need to leave. 

MsMikeyy
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 4:26 PM
I married him because it was my choice and he wasn't like this.

Quoting notjstasocermom:

why did you marry him?

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anotherandree
by Silver Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 5:59 PM

Wait!  The last post you had was that you were super excited and trying to plan a very romantic one year anniversary surprise for him, but the post before that sounded alot like this one.  Are you guys an "on and off" type couple?

MsMikeyy
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 6:13 PM
He's good for a day or two sometimes and then hell. I'm still trying to plan our anniversary, it's this weekend. Regardless of how I'm feeling, I still would like to celebrate my marriage and the love. I try to think this is temporary but my thinking is going other places lately. Like today, he's fine and old self.

Quoting anotherandree:

Wait!  The last post you had was that you were super excited and trying to plan a very romantic one year anniversary surprise for him, but the post before that sounded alot like this one.  Are you guys an "on and off" type couple?

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rayroe2
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 1:57 AM

 I swear you posted this before...............things haven't changed.....this is a confusing thing because he is control because of the things that happened to him he doesn't have kids by you and still goes out and parties? Also he is going to be in jail for a whole year...........the question is do you want to live with this man forever?

Dimples04
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 1:59 AM
I work in a Domestic Violence shelter and if you or someone you know is being abused you need to get help.  ALSO REMEMBER THAT YOUR COMPUTER CAN TELL YOUR ABUSER YOUR PLANS, PLEASE BE CAREFUL AND DELETE ALL INFORMATION THAT YOU LOOK UP IN REFERENCE TO LEAVING OR GETTING HELP.  Violence doesn't know any discrimination.  If you or someone you know needs help PLEASE call the National domestic violence hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) whoever answers the line can direct you to a local shelter or answer any questions you may have.  Any Shelter is there to help women and child (and some also help male victims) get the counseling and any other help that they need to get through the difficult time.  Abuse can be Emotional abuse (name calling, putting someone down, or controlling who/what they see or do), Physical Abuse (hitting, kicking, biting, anything that causes physical pain), Sexual abuse (can also be from a spouse or otherwise intimate partner when it is a unwanted occurance.)  Leaving your partner is the most dangerous time, wait until he/she is gone and then pack whatever you will need and just leave.   Good Luck and Don't forget that help is never more than a phone call away 24 / 7 / 365.

* To delete your history:  go to control panel, internet options, delete cookies, delete files, delete history.  EVERYTIME!!  
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person.
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

·Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
·Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
·Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
·Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
·Does not want you to work.
·Controls finances or refuses to share money.
·Punishes you by withholding affection.
·Expects you to ask permission.
·Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
·Humiliates you in any way.

You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
·Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
·Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or Strangled you.
·Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
·Scared you by driving recklessly.
·Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
·Forced you to leave your home.
·Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
·Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
·Hurt your children.
·Used physical force in sexual situations.

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:
·Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
·Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
·Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
·Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
·Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
·Held you down during sex.
·Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
·Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
·Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
·Ignored your feelings regarding sex.
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LovelyBugs
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 8:00 AM

put up with the attitude and do what you want anyways...he has no right to be contolling of you but expect you to let him do whatever, let him know up front that from now on you will do things you want and put yourself first since he seems to think its okay to do that himself and if he decides to change and work on the the relationship than you will also 

MsMikeyy
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 8:12 AM
Thank you for your response :)

Quoting LovelyBugs:

put up with the attitude and do what you want anyways...he has no right to be contolling of you but expect you to let him do whatever, let him know up front that from now on you will do things you want and put yourself first since he seems to think its okay to do that himself and if he decides to change and work on the the relationship than you will also 

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PrincessRebekah
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 8:53 AM

I'm so sorry for you. I am going through the same thing right now, only its been 18 years. It doesn't go away, it has evolved into different types of control now. He uses my children as "jail keepers". I'm so sad right now so I don't have words of wisdom. I'm looking for them myself but I thought I'd chime in and let you know that you aren't alone. (((((huggy))))

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