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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Controlling DH from HELL!

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Next Sunday, October 21st, my DH and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary. We've been together a total of three years but for the past few months he's been very controlling. Doesn't want me having a Facebook, doesn't want me with a instagram, doesn't want me going out w/ friends etc, but he can do anything he wants and if I say something, he starts bxtching and going on. I'm beyond tired of feeling down, controlled and feeling I'm trapped in my marriage. I love him dearly but enough is enough. I have feelings too and I'm tired of crying. I just want to have some meaning to him and stop feeling like I'm walking on egg shells. He says I nag too much but I only nag about the things he has asked him to help him change so he can be a better man. But once I try to help, he goes off. It's like he wants me to care but goes off then when I stopped caring he still goes off. Double edged sword right? He still asks like a teenager. Everything he does has an excuse. From putting his friends first to his attitude. He doesn't see anything he does. Like no matter what he does or how bad, he isn't worried about the aftermath. I leave for army boot camp on the 30th and I'm at the point where imma hate leaving my kids but yay to be away from him headed towards divorce, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE IN DIVORCE. I take my vows seriously but seriously what do you do when love isn't enough to make you stay?
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by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 5:40 PM
Replies (41-43):
PrincessRebekah
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 8:56 AM

BUMP!

MsMikeyy
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 12:00 PM
Thank you and I wish I could help you as well. Hugs :)

Quoting PrincessRebekah:

I'm so sorry for you. I am going through the same thing right now, only its been 18 years. It doesn't go away, it has evolved into different types of control now. He uses my children as "jail keepers". I'm so sad right now so I don't have words of wisdom. I'm looking for them myself but I thought I'd chime in and let you know that you aren't alone. (((((huggy))))

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daijobu
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 1:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like he needs thereapy on his own to deal with his issues before he could deal with yours as a couple.  It could be that he is reacting poorly to is up-coming jail time and to you joining the military (you will likely be gone a lot).  No matter what, you need to sit down and objectively discuss what you expect from your relationship in regards to his emotional and physical behavior.  Doesn't sound like he's grown up quite yet.  It sounds like you have already decided he isn't worth what you put up with from him.  I understand being hesitant, but is what you will have to deal with to help him improve himself be worth it for you and your kids?  I'm not saing leave or stay, just a thought for you to help you decide.  Stay strong and always know who you are and that you deserve someone who will treat you well.  Also, make sure your kids come first.  What ever male is in your life will be an example since they will see him every day.  I'm glad you have a support system with family since you are joining the military.  It is invaluable.  Being an active duty spouse, I know how important it is.  Best wishes with boot camp and your military career.  Good luck with your guy situation.  (Hugs!) 

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