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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Husband wanting to change jobs after 11 yrs!

Posted by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 10:57 PM
  • 14 Replies

Soooo my DH has been very frustrated with his job the last few months, he has taken some time off to give himself a break and relief, but when he goes back the frustation returns, I think him and his boss have not been seeing eye to eye lately.  My DH has worked for his company for almost 12yrs and is salaried mgmt.  He told me today that he has been thinking for a long time he may want to change companies, I was a little taken aback by this because I always thought he was happy with his job for the most part, i mean he has some bad days but he has always worked it out and went to work. 

This time it seems different though I think he wants to leave for good, he asked me this evening to start researching online for new positions, I am not sure how to feel about this for several reasons 1.  I am a SAHM with an 11 yr old and 4yr old  2.  We are also about to build a home and it would be quite risky for him to change jobs at this time it would not look good to our lender. 3.  My husband has only a two yr degree he literally worked his way up in his job he could probably find a similiar position and be hired he is a great employee and gives 100% but he may not like the new job much better, so the stability will be lost. 

I am not sure how to address this situation with him, I dont want to come off being selfish as if I am only concerned about me staying home it is more than that this set up works great for us and he knows it, we both were really excited about the house and I just think he may regret it, but I dont want him to think I am not concerned about him, his stress level or not supportive of his choices!! I want to stand behind him but at our age I just think it would be scary to kind of start over on the other hand it could be the best thing that ever happened to us, so confused!!!. What would you do?

 

by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 10:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jmjdj
by Bronze Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 11:17 PM
That is so tough. It sounds like you are thinking about all aspects and it's natural for you to be concerned about the whole family's well being. Having a job or boss that you hate is miserable...I've been there.

I don't know what to tell you to make him feel like you aren't being selfish because that's very hard. I don't think you are if you approach it right.

Start looking for other jobs in his field like he asked. It's not going to hurt to look. With the job market like it is he may find it very hard to find something at a new company that will pay what he wants/needs. I'm in this boat now. I've been with my company for 12 years and can't find anything that pays enough for me to give up my benes. (3 weeks vacation and 3 weeks sick leave per year is hard to beat. Plus medical, dental , vision and an amazing retirement plan). He may realize that he isn't willing to give up what he has and start over...especially considering what y'all have on the horizon.

I'm sorry he's going through this and you are to. Good luck!!
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ProudMommy51006
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 11:23 PM
1 mom liked this
I would ask dh to think about everything you mentioned... But really, I wouldn't discourage the change, I would never want my dh to feel stuck, miserable, or not worth all of his work. I would tell him that now may not be the best time but I fully stand behind his decision.
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beeky
by Alexandra on Oct. 14, 2012 at 11:23 PM

I have recently been in the exact same position. 

I'll have to bump this post for now and get back to you in the morning.  I'm too tired to think right now.  Feel free to pm me.

Punkie74
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 12:09 AM
What field is he in?
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macs4
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 12:11 AM
Exactly! I don't want to make him feel like he is stuck or trapped and resent me for it.

Quoting ProudMommy51006:

I would ask dh to think about everything you mentioned... But really, I wouldn't discourage the change, I would never want my dh to feel stuck, miserable, or not worth all of his work. I would tell him that now may not be the best time but I fully stand behind his decision.
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macs4
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 12:12 AM
He's in retail co mgr of a store.

Quoting Punkie74:

What field is he in?
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Punkie74
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 12:16 AM
I don't know so much about that field to be honest but I wouldn't discourage the change. It's best to job hunt when you have a job. You can take your time and find options. Experience means a lot too. I say let him interview and then discuss any offers as he gets them.

Quoting macs4:

He's in retail co mgr of a store.



Quoting Punkie74:

What field is he in?
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Robsessed98
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 12:24 AM
I can see your side, but if hes that unhappy with his job I dont see what it would hurt for him to at least look and see what his options are. If he gets an offer, he doesnt have to take it, but at least hed have the option.
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chrissydan
by Bronze Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 12:26 AM
I just went thru this last Jan i am am a sahm and my dh wanted a new carter move we thought long and hard about it for a long time and i finally said do it i had to look at it from his side he hated his job and it got worse everyday i couldn't stand there and let him be miserable just for our lifestyle i did not want him to think back and resent me. it ended up being a change for the good.

my thought is to make a plan tell him you have to save a little for emergency purposes and such also for your comfort. sometimes all you can do is support them as they support us.
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jett286
by Member on Oct. 15, 2012 at 12:38 AM

As long as he looks for a job while he is still employed, I don't see a reason not to.  As for building a house and the lender having issues wih a new job ~ I think they look more at is he in the same industry/vocation and has had long term employment rahter than jumping from job to job differing in experience...he may find there is nothing out there better than what he is doing now, or maybe there is something better.  I know I'm always happier if my husband enjoys his job rather than when he is miserable...

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