See what CafeMoms are saying about saving time this holiday season..
My husband and I have been together for 6 1/2 years, married for 5. He is in the Army, and because of that, we have spent only about 3 1/2 years physically together. We have two children, they are 5 and 2. To make a long story short, my husband has become increasinly angry and has started to get violent. We are constantly fighting or just not talking to each other. I've tried talking to him, but he just doesn't listen to me so I stopped trying. When I'd start to talk about something, he'd get up and go into another room. He admitted to me once when I asked why he acts this way, that he just doesn't care anymore about anything so he doesn't see the point in pretending. That should've been my cue to leave right there, I know. I have begged and pleaded with him to get help, to talk to someone. He is on antidepressants, but they don't seem to be helping him. I'm on antidepressants as well, however I just started them this past Wednesday so there's no difference for me yet.
He left a week and a half ago for some training in another state and won't be back for a few more weeks. We have been fighting over the phone even while he's gone. This afternoon I sent him a text and told him that I think it's best if we take a break from each other for the rest of the time that he's gone. I asked him if I am wasting my time hoping we can work through this; that if he tells me I am wasting my time, then fine, that's that; or if I'm not wasting my time, then great, we can work through this. I haven't gotten an answer. That was about 4 hours ago.
We went through 5 months of marriage counseling, from Oct '09-March '10. It helped for the issues we were having at that point in time. Then he deployed again, and when he came home in August 2011, that's when the most recent and most drastic problems started. I would love to go back to marriage counseling, but I feel we would benefit more if he could get his anger under control first, as that's what causing the majority of our issues right now. I believe if he could get past his anger, he wouldn't have such an "I don't care" attitude. I know my husband; the first 4 years of our relationship were pretty good. He wasn't so angry all the time, and when he's not angry he's one of the most gentle, loving men I've ever known.
He's supposed to start counseling when he gets back from training next month, but I know how it's going to be. He'll go a couple of times, and then stop. I tried to get him to go in the spring. He went twice, then he would "forget," or he'd come home after work and say he didn't get to his appointment because his 1st sgt forgot about it and he didn't want to speak up for himself and say he had to get to his appointment.
But he just doesn't care anymore, that's the issue. If he doesn't care, he won't get help. And if he won't get help for his anger, nothing is going to change. Does that make sense? Are there any suggestions for ways I can get through to him?