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Am i over reacting?

Posted by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 7:51 AM
  • 11 Replies
Let me start by saying my husband and i have had trust issues because he left me when i was 4 mo prgmant with our DD for another female which i was unaware of at the time and then was before we were married. A whole year almost passes before we try to make it work and we go to counsoling. We get married and i think everything is fine. Ok recently, he has been communicating with old HS friends on FB. He travels a lot on his job and sometimes ends up near his home town or where his old friends live. Now this would be all fine and all but almost everyone he talks to is a female and ive nvr heard of them. Well one girl messaged him saying she has mixed feelings about seeing him and that she wasnt sexting him for nothing. But that she likes him but his married so we need to postpone meeting. He ended up blocking her and told me he got rid of her number. And then i told him i want him to delete/block the girls he was flirting with and the ones i know he received pictures from. He would not do this. Now he is on the road and i guess there is a women friend whom he went to school with in the town he is staying at. Again i know nothing about her. Apparently she does hv a husband but his in the national gaurd or something. Well instead of answering my call or calling me back he was making plans with her to meet up and eat dinner with her, a cousin and nephew. I have passwords to hos account and hr thought he deleted the conversation. So im upset and im wondering how many other women would be too.
Sorry this is long. But i need to know if i am crazy or not. Because i am starting to feel like i am.
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 7:51 AM
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by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 7:57 AM

Of course I would be upset. He's telling you that these other woman are more important to him than you are.

It's not like you're just saying, I don't want you to have any female friends on your page. You have concerns about the ones he's flirting with and having conversations about cheating. That's not okay.

I wouldn't be able to stay in the relationship. I wouldn't have married him to begin with but that's just me. Trust is HUGE and he broke that before you even were married.

by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 8:04 AM
I would be upset. But I am the type to catch him in a lie, and say why do you need to lie if your not doing anything wrong. My husband and I have the passwords to everything for each other. I have caught my husband in a lie before and it didnt involve anyone but his best friend. I would call while he is eating with them and if he doesn't answer, later when y'all talk ask him why he didnt answer and go from there. It is easy catching guys in a lie. Also save the message off his fb.
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by Gold Member on Nov. 8, 2012 at 8:06 AM
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He'd be single if he was my husband, he lied once, twice yeah not happen.
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by Member on Nov. 8, 2012 at 8:09 AM
Yes I'd be upset. I don't know that id want To stay in the marriage it seems as if he wants to act single when he is on the road
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by Bianca Lina on Nov. 8, 2012 at 8:16 AM
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I as well would be upset. Hes not being honest to you. I wouldnt tolerate it.
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by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 8:22 AM
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I think you wish you were over reacting, but you really know that you're not...You know this isn't the right way for someone who's married to act and you know that unless he changes that you're looking at a situation where you have to decide whether to end your marriage...

Here's the thing...while there are some people who really do change, those people are few and far between...Most people won't change, no matter what they say and as long as he can get away with it, he will...What I think you need to do is start thinking long and hard about what you're going to do about getting on with life for you and your DD...I know that you love him, and I know it's hard to think about now...But you also have to look at what he's doing to you, your heart, your trust....Is it good for you? 

Start talking to an attorney to see how custody,visitation,child support would be about the property you want from your home and what the cost of a divorce would be...start saving that money up....Start looking at what you would need when you left - or when he moved out....start saving for those expenses...look into programs to help you afterwards, as many people who bash PA, it does serve the purpose of helping people get back on their feet after a life changing event like this...

Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your exit strategy, it's always good to have support/back up....someone else who knows what's going on in case there's trouble....

I would love to be able to tell you that counseling will put things back on track, but that's not realistic in this case...He has to really, really want to make it work and he just doesn't seem to want that right now... 

Good luck, Hun

by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 8:25 AM
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Yes what she said if he has nothing to hide then why not introduce you to them so you know them . I think you are feeling what you should good luck

Quoting lapcounter:

He'd be single if he was my husband, he lied once, twice yeah not happen.
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by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 8:51 AM
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Uhhh this would NEVER fly with me.. He would not be meeting up with any ol female friends unless I am there.... I dunno what I would do but I dont think its ok that he is "sexting" some freakin chic... not cool in my book and he would be out the door..  wont take any form of cheating from any guy and I let them know this.. First Fup and hes gone....

by Bronze Member on Nov. 8, 2012 at 10:08 AM

Yes, I would be upset and you are not overreacting.

He has established a pattern of lying and it hasn't really changed.  He is married, so it's not okay to flirt or sext or anything of that nature with another woman - high school friend or whatever.  It's disrespectful to you and your marriage.  If he isn't willing to stop all of it - the messaging, the texting, the calls, the meet ups, etc... - then you have some thinking to do.

I know you love him and you have a son together, but take a step back and really look at how he is treating you and what you want out of a partnership and your life.  Then go and talk to an attorney and see what your options are.

by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 10:19 AM

The fact that you think you are over-reacting is sad.  You are not.  Trust your intuition, we have it for a reason.  He sounds like a cheater who has no regard for your relationship. 

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