Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

5 Reasons to Forgive a Cheater - Could you forgive a cheater?

Posted by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:04 PM
  • 49 Replies

5 Reasons to Forgive a Cheater

Posted by Ericka Sóuter on November 8, 2012 

heartIt's a question we've all asked ourselves: Could I forgive someone who cheated on me? Many will not hesitate to say they would kick the jerk to the curb, but is that really so easy, even in the face of betrayal? No it's not. Robert Pattinson is a prime example of that.

A lot of fans are wondering how he could go back to Kristen Stewart after her affair. As far as the world was concerned, he should have kicked her to the curb for that fling. But that isn't always the first move when you are talking about a long-term relationship.

While some people may think Rob is nuts for reconciling with the viciously dubbed "twi-harlett," it's easy to see why he didn't. It's hard to let go when there is still a lot of love there. Ending the relationship may not be the right choice for many reasons. Now some people in your life will criticize that decision, but bottom line is it's not their choice. It's yours. So here are five reasons people give a cheater another chance.

  1. It was a momentary indiscretion. I know this one will get a lot of eye rolls, but it's a valid consideration. We are all human after all and not infallible. Think about married country star Jason Aldean who was caught canoodling with former American Idol contestant Brittany Kerr. He blamed the hook-up on booze. "I had too much to drink, let the party get out of hand, and acted inappropriately at a bar," he said in a statement to fans. "I left alone, caught the bus to our next show, and that's the end of the story." I am sure his wife gave him hell -- as she rightfully should -- but she likely deemed this lapse in judgement not worth throwing away their marriage. Now if a person is a repeated adulturer, that's another story.
  2. You won't forgive yourself if you don't at least try to move past it. Regret is very hard to live with, especially when it comes to missing out on what could have been the love of your life. Now, I know a lot of people think that if someone is really The One, they wouldn't cheat, but I just don't think that's always true. It's okay if you want to try to work through things and see if the relationship can keep growing. If after a few weeks or months you can't move past his mistake and can't trust him, move on for both your sakes.
  3. You were on a break. Remember that whole Ross-Rachel debate on Friends? He slept with someone else while they were on a "relationship hiatus" after a fight. She considered this cheating, he didn't. Well, I am apt to side with Ross on this one. A break is a break. If you are not officially together, then you are both free to see whomever you choose. That said, once you reconcile, monogamy is a must.
  4. The cheater is sincerely sorry and tries to understand how you feel. One of the biggest problems with a lot of cheaters is that they refuse to admit they were wrong. They will try to blame it on everything from you guys not having enough sex to the fact that you two were bickering all the time. But if he is open about where he went wrong, wants to hear how you feel, and wants to earn your trust again, it might be worth a try.
  5. You have a strong, loving foundation. This is actually critical for any relationship to last, but especially when cheating is involved. You will need to remind yourself of the life you have built together as you sort through your feelings and your future together. Love doesn't conquer all, but it can conquer this if you are both committed.

Could you forgive a cheater? Have you?

by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:04 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Jenn3307
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:15 PM
3 moms liked this

My husband has cheated on me. It was one of the hardest heartbreaking things I have been through in my life. He left me when I found out. Its been 2 years since this happened and it still hurts.  We are not all together healed and trust me there are plenty of times that I think I was completely crazy to have taken him back because there is no way he could honestly love me and put me thro the hell he put me thro.  I love him and I always have... I think the thing that really made me take him back tho was the fact that when he came back he was up front and honest with me about all of it.. he didn't lie because he knew he owed me the truth.  The wondering about what happened when it happened why it happened is it going to happen again was killing me.. He allowed me all the time in the world to be angry and sad and allowed me to yell at him and he took it like a man.. He never not once turned around and told me he was sick of hearing me talk about it because he knew that I needed my time to deal with it.  We are alot better now but we still have so far to go.. and I am always thinking and planning what I am going to do if it happens again.. I think after something like this I have def. learned that I need to be prepared for all situations .. atleast for my children.

MamaMorgan0709
by Bronze Member on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:41 PM
4 moms liked this

My husband cheated. I immediately put into motion divorce. We had discussed it before we were married and I always said that he doesn't get a second chance if he were to cheat... 

He went and set up an appointment with a marriage counselor and went alone the first session.   Talked me into going the next 4 sessions.  BEST decision I ever made.  That was a year ago. 

That was a year ago. This year has been the best year of our marriage. 

lapcounter
by Gold Member on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:46 PM
I think it all depends on circumstances, did he try to hide it, or was he up front and honest and really sorry about it, how long did it last, was there feelings involved, etc.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
SareyF
by Sarah on Nov. 8, 2012 at 1:49 PM
My husband has not cheated on me and I don't think I could forgive if he did. I'm pretty sure that's the deal breaker for both of us. We've had trust issues for other reasons and those have been hard enough to work past..we've been through hell. But infidelity is not something I think we would survive.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
mydarlingsofia
by on Nov. 8, 2012 at 2:15 PM
My df cheated on me. Some people say I should have broken up with him because we werent married, but I was just as dedicated to him as a wife would be. It was a stupid one time thing. He changed his cell phone number, deleted his fb, gave me all of his passwords, and asked for my forgiveness multiple times. He cried and cried.. All of that proved to me how sorry he truly was.. And how could I just give up? Its been over a year and a half since I found out and I trust him 100%. For awhile I would always wonder "is he really there? or.. Is he really with them?" I finally got over those questions and I've been so much happier. I always used to think "once a cheater always a cheater", but I dont feel that way anymore. We have been through sooo much together but I wouldnt change any of it because we wouldnt be where we are today if we hadnt been through those things.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
artistmom889
by Bronze Member on Nov. 8, 2012 at 2:17 PM
1 mom liked this

 I think the first time I could.....but not before I made him understand--REALLY made sure he understood- the damage he'd done and what he could lose.

The second time....well, I'm not sure. I love him, but I'm no doormat.

Lorena
by on Nov. 9, 2012 at 8:59 AM
My dh cheated on me when he was just my bf. It took me along time to forgive him. But now I am so happy I did. But je knows no more chances. I find it unrepairable once married and I will not stand by it.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Nunyabusiness
by on Nov. 9, 2012 at 9:03 AM
No and it would all depend on how HE handed the situation before I considered staying.
Babujai
by Bronze Member on Nov. 9, 2012 at 9:44 AM
2 moms liked this

I think I could forgive him if the encounter was purely physical and not emotional at all...but I could only forgive it once.

queencreekmom
by on Nov. 9, 2012 at 11:16 AM
Yes, I can forgive. But only if its a one time thing. I do not believe the idea of once a cheater always a cheater. I know people can make mistakes.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN