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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Advice on communication

Posted by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 3:16 AM
  • 13 Replies
Hello, I have been with my kids dad for almost 5 yrs in January. Since the very begining I've had issues with him about Communication. He won't communicate with me!! I mean, he won't tell me his feelings. He won't tell me his needs. He doesn't tell me anything! Even when we argue I do most of the talking. I wait to hear a response, which never happens. But if he feels the need to have to say something to make the situation better he will but he will only say enough to make me be quiet. Pretty much what I want to hear.
He is constantly on his cell phone wether he is texting his guy friends family watever or on Facebook laughing and joking.
I have really bad trust issues with him. So I have a really bad habit of snooping through his cell phone and Ive always found so many texts where he actually tells his feelings and thoughts and even complaints about me or just anything in general to his friends or family. I get a lil jealous, of course I want to know how I can get him to open up TO ME! Should I ignore him. Should I stop telling him my feelings complaints ect. I just don't know anymore. half of me is tired of making things work out because I always feel like its just me trying. what do you ladies think?
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by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 3:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
AlannaMaria
by Alanna on Nov. 14, 2012 at 8:19 AM
Counceling? I'm not sure what you do if he won't open up. Do you think he would go with you?
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Lorena
by Silver Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:29 AM
I agree counseling it can give you both the tools that each of you need. Maybe is is feeling like you may judge him for his feelings and thoughts. I know it sounds crazy but my dh was that way for awhile because of his ex.
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lactatingloon
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 10:20 AM

Is he the child of an alcoholic? I know that seems like a weird question, but my dh and I didn't communicate for years and then someone gave me this book "loving the adult child of an alcoholic" and it described him word for word we read pieces of it together and it helped me understand how to approach him and helped him understand how frustrating it must be for me. Highly recommend!

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Nov. 14, 2012 at 11:20 AM
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With all of your trust issues and snooping, I don't think I'd open up to you either. I don't like insecurity though, it turns people into freaks. You probably don't realize how much you've been pushing him away with your behavior. And don't say it's his fault, insecurity comes from within. Work on you, and he'll come around.

MomToovey
by Marianne on Nov. 14, 2012 at 11:40 AM
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 I agree with counseling, but I think you should go even if he won't go with you. Get to the bottom of those trust issues and then learn how to overcome them. Once you're in that better place, I bet it'll be easier for him to talk to you.

Paiute773
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 3:07 PM
1 mom liked this
You knew about his bad traits and yet you still got with him. My BF is like that he is always on FB and texting other women and he's nto secretive about it. I either sit there and tolerate it or I leave his apt and go home or climb in his bed and go to sleeep. But, when the weekends roll around...I'm out doing my own thing and that keeps him guessing at where I'm at or who I'm with...I can play his game too...PLAYAH IN DA HOUSE. BTW, he is free to leave me when he wants, I dont have a ring on my finger or his last name..so might as welll have the fun he having...sounds childish, I know...IDC!!!!!!
Loveliz03
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:06 PM
I agree, maybe it is me. But maybe not. I don't remember ever having great communication (about us anyway) but that doesn't we don't share good conversations their just never about us. And yes I actually do blame him for turning me into a jealous insecure freak! Ive cought him several severaall times talking to all kinds of girls either texting and on fb all through my pregnancies and after. And I always forgave him but I never forget. That's the only reason why I snoop to let him know im watching him. I don't know any other way of controlling it or dealing with it. And as far as counseling goes.. I always throw it out there and he agrees but he nore I ever get around to it.. But I actually started calling some places today. Hopefully we can get in there and get some help. I want answers as to why he always talks to other females there has to be more to it!? :/
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CameronsMommy23
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 8:33 PM
I also agree with counseling. Maybe don't bring it up for awhile, he could feel too pressured to talk.
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clz0213
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:22 PM

I can't offer advise becaues I have this same issue. Doesn't communicate, when we talk or argue, I do the talking until he says something that I want to hear. Makes promises and whatnot, but always breaks them. :( Good luck, I'm curious as to what everyone has to say. Maybe I'll catch some advice too.


 

Quoting Loveliz03:

 Since the very begining I've had issues with him about Communication. He won't communicate with me!! I mean, he won't tell me his feelings. He won't tell me his needs. He doesn't tell me anything! Even when we argue I do most of the talking. I wait to hear a response, which never happens. But if he feels the need to have to say something to make the situation better he will but he will only say enough to make me be quiet. Pretty much what I want to hear.


LovinLife81
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:41 PM


Quoting AlannaMaria:

Counceling? I'm not sure what you do if he won't open up. Do you think he would go with you?

I have to agree also !! counseling would let you both get out your problems in a non-judgemental environment

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