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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

How much time do you spend... (Update new question)

Posted by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:31 PM
  • 70 Replies

How much time do you spend away from DH on average? I'm having this huge problem right now with DH never being home and when I bring it up, he says that he needs time away from me. Yet, i'm the one working and pregnant and taking care of the house, so what does he have to complain about? I want time away from him too, but he is never here, or he's here for two minutes then runs off.

He even said these exact words "Married couples don't spend time together."

I said "Yes, they do. I know plenty of couples that do."

His response "Then they are doing something wrong."

Seriously? So how much time apart do ya'll spend, and does it work for both of you?

 

UPDATE: So, I wanted to elaborate because I was getting questions about how my husband acts. I have no problem with him getting guy time away from me. I know I like my time to myeslf or time with girls, BUT here is how my life has been lately. DH doesn't think it's necessary to spend a day with me, or much uninterrupted time at all. He is constantly at a friend's house, doing something for them or hanging out or whatever. Meanwhile, he's jobless and has been for awhile. I can't get him to put in serious effort towards getting one and bills are piling up. I got a job to add a supplemental income, not a main. I work part time and am 26 weeks pregnant and going through college. I take care of the house and errands, and handle finances. He does...basically nothing any more. It's gone very far down hill. When he does say he'll do something, like go to the store today for example, I find him later at his friend's having not even gone in the first place.

We do communicate. Or, I try, I should say. I bring it up all the time. One time he told me "nothing he does is good enough for me anymore and I don't act like I want to be married." But it's hard to act like it and not get pissed when he's never here. He's not my husband, he's my roommate who occassionally eats with me (to a point) and I have sex with at times. I can't even get him to come to bed to cuddle or just lay with me and talk. He comes to bed around 2-5 am every morning. By then I'm sleeping, obviously, since I work at 6am.

What can I do to make him understand? I've even brought up that I'm afraid of raising the baby alone because he's never here now, much less when Zoey is born. He thought I was just being unreasonable. RIght now, we can't afford counciling and my insurance won't cover it, but soon I'm switching and it will. Until then....help?!?

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
furbabymum
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:55 PM

 We are apart when we are at work but we often have lunch together. We go out with friends or family when we want to as well. I can't say I can give an exact time because it just depends on the week.

Personally though, I like spending time with my spouse. I don't want to spend ALL my time with him but the time I do spend with him is rather nice. The fact that your DH isn't listening to your needs and doesn't even want to be around you, well that's a problem. You need to open up communication and find out why he doesn't want to be with you and why he doesn't care that you need more time with him.

As for you being preggo and doing everything while he does nothing, well that wouldn't fly in my house. My DH is a wonderful man but if he ever stopped doing the dishes I'd whack him with a frying pan!

I say it all the time, counseling.

furbabymum
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:57 PM

 So just as a clarifier, does your DH not work? Do you support him? If yes, why doesn't he clean the house? Does he at least care for your children?

If he's really contributing 0 to the relationship and isn't willing to change....you don't have a relationship.

tifbrown
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:59 PM
We spend over half the year away from each other, but he works away. When he is home he mostly stays home with us. He hangs out with friends sometimes, but even that often includes us. It's nuts that he thinks married couples aren't supposed to spend time together. It doesn't even make sense. You guys need to figure out how to communicate and connect again. Although, he doesn't sound like the type to participate...
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The_Doodle
by Bronze Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 6:01 PM

We spend pretty much all of our time together unless one of us is working. We were friends before we were a couple and we still have fun together.

amanda81919
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 8:23 PM
All weekend. And whenever he's not at work.
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clz0213
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 8:26 PM

We have discussed councilling, and I'm about to get insurance that will actually cover it, so I'm hoping to look into that really soon. I try over and over again to communicate with him about how I feel and it does no good at all. He turns it into this whole "nothing I do is good enough for you anymore" thing and I'm not sure how to break through that wall, because once it's up, it's up and he stops listening to anything. I think he's freaking out about the coming baby and we haven't been married long. But, it's concerning. I don't know why he'd marry me if he didn't want to spend time with me, you know?


 

Quoting furbabymum:

 We are apart when we are at work but we often have lunch together. We go out with friends or family when we want to as well. I can't say I can give an exact time because it just depends on the week.

Personally though, I like spending time with my spouse. I don't want to spend ALL my time with him but the time I do spend with him is rather nice. The fact that your DH isn't listening to your needs and doesn't even want to be around you, well that's a problem. You need to open up communication and find out why he doesn't want to be with you and why he doesn't care that you need more time with him.

As for you being preggo and doing everything while he does nothing, well that wouldn't fly in my house. My DH is a wonderful man but if he ever stopped doing the dishes I'd whack him with a frying pan!

I say it all the time, counseling.


CameronsMommy23
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 8:26 PM
We're apart when he works and if one of us runs errands or something like that. Otherwise we are always together. We take time out by ourselves maybe once a week or so.
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MomandWife6
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 8:27 PM

the only time we are apart is when he is working or if he runs an errand real quick and I don't want to get all 6 boys ready to go....so very little time do we spend apart

JudesAwsomeMom
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 8:28 PM
As of right now my dh works mon through fri out of town, so I only see him on weekends, but before that we were always together. I love spending time with my husband
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clz0213
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 8:29 PM

He had a job and lost it, but that was about a month ago and he hadn't held that job very long. Right now, yes, I'm technically supporting him and his mother helps us because my check isn't enough. I got the job as a supplemental income while I'm finishing college and pregnant, not as something to maintain the household and all the bills. As for why he doesn't clean the house, I don't know. I literally left four days worth of dishes once to see if he'd do anything about it, and he didn't. We don't have any other children, other than his daughter from another women that we were trying to get custody of. He's, obviously, not getting far with that being jobless and financially hurting.

I can't say he contributes zero, but I'd easily say I put in about 97% and I get about 3%. Even our families all remark about it. I'm getting extremely fed up.

Quoting furbabymum:

 So just as a clarifier, does your DH not work? Do you support him? If yes, why doesn't he clean the house? Does he at least care for your children?

If he's really contributing 0 to the relationship and isn't willing to change....you don't have a relationship.


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