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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Feeling depressed that dh has to work so much

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I don't know...but today, I started feeling a little down that my husband has to work all the time and different shifts. Night shift-which means he sleeps all day the next day, afternoon shift, morning shift...you name it, he works it. He was off a few days the first week of November, but because of that he has to work alot for the rest of the month. I feel like I never see him. I am home with the kids, by myself, all of the time. He is either working or sleeping.

This has been going on for months now. He said he will cut back on shifts next year when our new baby comes. I just feel depressed for some reason. Honestly, I am beginning to think is it even because of his schedule or is it pregnancy hormones or is it because I am alone alot. Hell, I don't know. I just don't know. Why do I feel like this?

juggling

by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 7:10 PM
Replies (11-17):
AlannaMaria
by Alanna on Nov. 16, 2012 at 12:02 PM
I know how you feel! We moved 16 hrs away from ALL family an friends and DH works 14-16hr shifts and I'm a SAHM. I miss DH a lot =\ I have gotten use to it for the most part but its not easy. We often get disconnected at the end if the month because he doesn't get a day off the last week of the month and sometimes it's not a day off for 2 weeks.
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Due9
by Bronze Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 12:08 PM

My husband works just one job and makes a very good living for us. In fact, we are blessed enough that he could cut back shifts by 1-2 a week and he would still make a well above-average income. However, the issue is, his job is very desperate for everyone to work so much because they need to staff the place...and dh feels obligated to work more than he needs to work. He said he will cut back next month, so that's good. Dh also feels like I should stay at home for now because our kids are still babies and I am also expecting another in a few months. If I go back to work in a few years, it will be only because I need to do something for myself.

Quoting aimesnyc:

That sucks, I'm sorry.  That's the exact reason why I chose not to stay home with my son, as much as I wanted to.  If I had chosen to stay home, my husband would have had to work 2-3 jobs to support me staying home and I would have never seen him.  I felt it was more important for him to work reasonable hours and have the same amount of time with our son that I do.


juggling

Autiziumom
by Bronze Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 3:17 PM
I have 4 kids n my husband works alot too. Mine is a crew manager so he has to b there. Just found out even thanksgiving!
Apple1
by Bronze Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 3:45 PM

 

Hugs, I know how hard it is and can be.  My husband has worked a lot of hours also recently...the holidays are the hardest where he works.  They have even manditoried that he come in on Wednesday before thanksgiving which is usually his day off and he will be working some 10 plus hour days as well as having to drive an hour to and from work each day.  We also recently have bought a house and to make the payments he will be going in on one of his days off so we can make payments.  It isn't easy, but I have found that having time together when you can helps a lot, schedule a date night, call each other when you can, just to hear his voice and catch up...(((HUGS))) 

Ps.  Can he try to just work one shift?  Or does he have to be flexible? 

kaitybird
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 10:09 PM

Hugs to you.  Sounds like you are pregnant and hormonal!  I think we all to some point get that way.  Though working the night shift I do NOT agree that he should be sleeping all the next day.  My husband works 12 hour shifts.  He goes in at 6:15 pm and gets off at 7am and then he works out and doesn't get home until about 8:15 or 8:30 am depending.  He only sleeps usually until 2-2:230 and on a tired day he will sleep till about 3:30.  

I would say this is where you need to be sitting down and having a serious conversation because you both are invested in this relationship and he needs to step up and help you with the kids and everything else.  

I couldn't ask for a better man to be married too becasue in his line of work if we didn't have the communication that we had we would be a statistic because of his time away at work, the demands of his job and his sleeping!  My husband will be going to the day shift in January and I despise the day shift.  He will miss more with our daughter and her activities at school, but hey maybe it can turn me in to some kind of day person for 4 days.  :)  Plus it will give him a chance to work more overtime in transports!  :)  

If you ever need an ear I am here!  Hormones are just that.  My thyroid is out of whack and it makes me really moody!  I know how you feel and where you are coming from!  

3lilladies81
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 10:43 PM
My husband works 21/7 (he works 21 days and off 7) so yea I know how you feel I wish there was some great advice I could give other than try to keep busy
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aimesnyc
by Amy on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:34 AM

That's great that he makes a good living for you and sucks that he has to work so much because of their staffing situation.

What I was saying pertained to my personal situation.  I am the one that brings home more money, and so if I stayed at home, my husband wouldn't be able to support us on the income from his one job.  He would have to take on 1 or 2 more.  And so I would much rather him work only one job, and have me work as well so that we can all have family time together than for me to stay at home and for him to barely be home. 

Quoting Due9:

My husband works just one job and makes a very good living for us. In fact, we are blessed enough that he could cut back shifts by 1-2 a week and he would still make a well above-average income. However, the issue is, his job is very desperate for everyone to work so much because they need to staff the place...and dh feels obligated to work more than he needs to work. He said he will cut back next month, so that's good. Dh also feels like I should stay at home for now because our kids are still babies and I am also expecting another in a few months. If I go back to work in a few years, it will be only because I need to do something for myself.

Quoting aimesnyc:

That sucks, I'm sorry.  That's the exact reason why I chose not to stay home with my son, as much as I wanted to.  If I had chosen to stay home, my husband would have had to work 2-3 jobs to support me staying home and I would have never seen him.  I felt it was more important for him to work reasonable hours and have the same amount of time with our son that I do.



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