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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Does DH get angry/upset with you if you're not in the mood?

Posted by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 11:10 AM
  • 30 Replies

So many things going on in our marriage and this is one of them. It's been an ongoing thing for I would say 6 years now (married 8). We have a 3 yr old and 10 month old twins whom I take care of all day while he works full time. He works from home and when he's bored or wants a break he often comes see me and let's me know he's in the mood. The thing is, I'm changing diapers all day and wiping food and boogers haha and it's hard for me to snap out of that mommy mode and be all lovey dovey with him. There's also other issues going on between us and my sex drive is just going down because of it. Point is, I can't say no. Because when I say I'm not in the mood right now, he gets pissed off. He won't say it's because of that but he'll ignore me and the kids the rest of the day or night because he's frustrated. I've tried everything from being nice about it and saying: how about we really make time for each other tonight. He just doesn't care about that because he wants it now. And how much? Uhm all the time. Almost every day. Not sex alone but all the other things that men want. Can't he understand that with three kids around all day he can't just get what he wants all the time? If anything, he shouldn't get mad at me. That's not fair. Especially when I do everything at home. Household and kids and then expects me to in the mood all the time. Oh and if I'm not in the mood, sometimes ill pretend just to make him happy but he kinda knows from my attitude that I'm not. He'll still complain because I'm not showing enough affection or I'm not into him enough. Really? 

Anyone same issue?

by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 11:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
krbooth
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 11:16 AM
Not quite to that extent but yes, hubby works during the day and comes home just in time for me to go to work in the evenings. We see eachother a few hours at night that's it. By the time I get home I'm exhausted and if he comes on to me and I'm not in the mood he gets pissy, as if its been months or something. I just tell him to get over it cuz there's nothing he can do at that point to get me in the mood. He's just gonna have to rwalize you take care of 3 little ones during the day and that takes alot of energy, so he needs to learn to deal lol
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sydjademom24
by Rachel J on Nov. 16, 2012 at 11:28 AM
Omg. No. he knows I cater to him so to speak. The few times I don't feel like it if its that time if the month, Ill still take care of him, so the very few times I do actually say no, he does not give me any grief or attitude. He makes a BIG effort to send me texts all day telling me how beautiful I am, how much he loves me, that I'm a great mom, he gives me a massage pretty much every night, so when your husband is making that much of an effort to be loving, making you feel wanted all the time, sex comes very easily. Yeah it took a few years to get to this point. Our sex life wasn't always like this, but we've found what works for both of us.
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Armadillo79
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 11:30 AM
4 moms liked this

Tell him when he "Takes a break" that changing a diaper is sexy as hell and MAYBE, JUST MAYBE you might be in the mood.

RheaF
by Silver Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 11:59 AM
1 mom liked this
No, he respects me and the fact that I am not always in the mood. There are times when he is not in the mood. If he Ever acted like that we would have a HUGE problem.
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Ksmomy
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 12:19 PM
LoL



Quoting Armadillo79:

Tell him when he "Takes a break" that changing a diaper is sexy as hell and MAYBE, JUST MAYBE you might be in the mood.


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MrsRi
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 12:22 PM
1 mom liked this

I've never had this issue.  If I'm not in the mood, he has a way of getting me there OR he just leaves it alone and we snuggle.  We both work outside the home and we both know that making time for us to have adult time is vital.  However he would never force himself upon me or make me feel like shit if I'm just tired.

I think it's time for a serious and long ass talk about that.  You make a plan to try to meet him half-way and let him know what you expect of him and try to work on it.  Other than that, he's being disrespectful to you you and he needs to be confronted on that.

MomToovey
by Marianne on Nov. 16, 2012 at 1:21 PM
I'm honestly never not in the mood, but I can't imagine he'd hold it against me if I turned him down
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KyrinM
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 1:25 PM

Yep, I had that once, I divorced him.  Not saying you should, but the problem is that a lot of men buy into the idea that love & sex equal the same thing & if a woman doesn't want to have sex all the time, she doesn't love him.  Also their self esteem is wound up in this, so when you say not now, they feel rejected & get all butt hurt.  This is not your issue, it is his.  He needs counseling, he needs to realize that his needs are not the only ones that count in a relationship & that you are not a band aid for his issues.  Because that is what he is doing, asking for sex all the time is his remedy for feeling down or bored.  It's like a feel good drug, hmm, I am bored, don't feel good having a bad day, I know, time for sex, that will fix it!  I know, this is what my ex did, if I said no I would be subjected to guilt trips, name calling, sleep deprivation, & just general misery.  To the point where I would just do it for the sake of peace, 20 mins of letting him sweat all over me was better than 3 or 4 hours of misery.  Before this gets any worse, get him help.  He needs to realize that it is not your job to satisfy him 24/7. He is responsible for himself & his needs, & just because you have a relationship with someone it doesn't mean they should have to accomodate you at all times, this is unrealistic & unreasonable.  He is horny, he has a hand, he can go to the bedroom & jerk off, not gonna hurt him.  But physical release is not the real issue, this is an emotional nearly drug dependance kind of thing, something you need to stop the habit of before it becomes a serious hinderance to your relationship.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Nov. 16, 2012 at 1:30 PM
Yes, but I have come to realize certain things about not just my husband, but men in general. People will poo poo this, but experts agree with me, and there was a post in this group a few days ago about this very thing: Men need sex to feel loved. Period. I could write my husband sonnets, I could paint his name on a water tower, I could shower him with gifts, and look deep in his eyes and tell him I love him, but none of these actions would mean dick to him if I don't want to have sex.
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KyrinM
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 1:41 PM
Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Yes, but I have come to realize certain things about not just my husband, but men in general. People will poo poo this, but experts agree with me, and there was a post in this group a few days ago about this very thing: Men need sex to feel loved. Period. I could write my husband sonnets, I could paint his name on a water tower, I could shower him with gifts, and look deep in his eyes and tell him I love him, but none of these actions would mean dick to him if I don't want to have sex.
Really, my DH says he disagrees.
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