Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

What would you do if all of a sudden...

Posted by   + Show Post

Your husband came home and out of the blue after all these years or marriage he asked you for a divorce? What would your response be?


by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 9:38 PM
Replies (81-90):
Redwall
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 7:35 PM
1 mom liked this

I'd ruin his reputation so he'd never get another job...and then I'd bury him in the "back 40."  Luckily, we've been married for almost 30 years, he's the love of my life and I don't have a thing to worry about.

madmueller
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 8:14 PM

BUMP!

rowansmum
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 8:29 PM
I'd tell him "i hope she's worth it''. If it was super sudden like that that's the only reason I can imagine. I can't really imagine that coming out of the blue but ya. It would be really strange because he says at least daily that he doesn't know how he managed without me.
As far as feeling I'm a little impared lol. I just go numb for a while but afterwards I'd be seriously upset. But I'd rather be alone than be with someone who didn't want to be with me
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
CrazyLife1996
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 9:03 PM
I would freak out my husband is my everything and after 18 yrs it would probably kill me.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Jos40
by Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:02 AM
Lets hope I never find out!!!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
la_bella_vita
by Bella on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:16 AM
I would be shocked, stunned and hurt
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
C.S.K.L
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:46 AM
Go sleep this shit off in the car ill talk to you in the morning when you less crazy
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
USMCwife0530
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 4:17 AM
I'm sorry you're going through that! ((Hugs))


Quoting huskerkitty:

In April my dh just got up and walked out on me. We have been married 25 yrs and in an instant he was up and gone. We hadn't argued or nothing. Believe me I was shocked. We had 4 kids together and just 1 of them is still speaking to him. He says hurtful things to them and then wonders why they won't talk to him. Our daughter just got married 3 weeks ago and he didn't bother to go to her wedding. Its like I'm married to a stranger. I just don't understand any of his actions anymore so even though he hasn't filed for divorce or asked for one I think that's where we are headed. I'm going thru so many emotions right now its unreal. I was blindsided by all his actions. I thought he was my soul mate and we would grow old together but that doesn't look like that will happen. Believe me ladies, never say never going to happen to us because you just don't know. Sorry for this to be so long. Thanks for letting me vent.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jmjdj
by Bronze Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 9:14 AM

Bump for later

jmjdj
by Bronze Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 4:19 PM

This is exactly what happened to me.  We had been married 14 years at the time.  I was washing the dinner dishes and he came into the kitchen and said, "we need to talk."  I turned around while drying my hands and said ok...what about?  He said, "I think I want a divorce."  Just like that.  I'm pretty sure my throat hit my stomach....I had no idea it was coming. 

We had been through so much in those years that could've broken us up...no cheating  or anything...just hard times and difficult situations.  I was floored.  He had been acting strange lately, but it was around the holidays (Saturday, December 5th to be exact) and our business was really busy at the time.  I had been pretty busy taking care of my Dad who was diagnosed with cancer just a little over a month earlier so we were both tired and I just chalked it all up to the stresses at the time. 

However, right after Thanksgiving some friends had come in our store and the wife was wanting to get her husband a guitar for Christmas but couldn't really afford it.  She was a SAHM so they only lived on what he made and we knew they didn't always have a lot of extra money.  We talked about it and agreed to offer to let her work for us (we needed the help during the busy retail month anyway and her kids were all in school during the day) and in return she could have the guitar as payment.  So she started coming in and before long I became suspicious. 

When he told me he wanted a divorce like that, I immediately thought of her and asked if there was someone else.  He told me no.  Said he was just unhappy and that he knew I was unhappy too.  I wasn't, but I think it was easier for him to try to say I was so he didn't feel like such an ass.  We talked a little that night, but I was so shocked that I didn't even really know what to say.  On top of that, I was packing to leave on Sunday to take my Dad to a new cancer doctor 8 hours away and we would have to be there for a week.  So my wonderful husband decided to tell me that kind of news right before I left town for a week!!!  I slept on the couch that night.

While I was gone, I could barely speak to him.  I couldn't believe that he would put me in that position so I called and talked to the kids but just didn't have much to say to him.  Not to mention that we were getting horrible news from the docs and tests.  My Dad had stage 4 cancer and was given about 6 months to live.  That was a great week for me.

When I got home, we finally sat down and talked and he admitted that he was, in fact, having an affair with the friend.  He assured me that he didn't want to be with her and that he only wanted me and the kids.  I was beside myself because I never expected this from him.  I had 3 rules for marriage:  don't cheat on me, don't hit me, and don't hurt my kids.  He had broken 2 of them at one time because by cheating on me he was in turn hurting the kids. 

We agreed that we didn't want to tell the kids or anyone what was going on until after the holidays so as not to ruin everyone's season.  I faked it through all the family gatherings.  After the first of the year I asked him to leave for a while because I couldn't even think about what we should do with him there and because he was still talking to her and seeing her.  He wanted to go to counseling and I agreed to go...but only on one condition...that he stop all contact with her.  When I looked at the cell phone bill and realized how long it had been going on and to what extent, he went and opened a new cell account on another carrier so I couldn't see what he was doing and refused to let me see his phone. 

He moved out and we explained to the kids that we were just having some problems and we didn't know what would happen in the future but that this was best for us right then.  Over the next few months, I was gone a lot with my Dad because he had vertebrae collapsing from the tumors and spent a couple of months in the hospital 8 hours away.  All this time, he was seeing her.  In fact, she was sleeping over at his house and my kids were told not to tell me.  (The oldest kinda had a breakdown at one point because he couldn't keep up the lies.)

Eventually, for financial reasons he asked if he could move back in.  I let him come back but he slept on the couch.  We barely spoke to each other as we passed each other in the house because I knew he was still seeing her, but lied through his teeth to me.

In June, my Dad died a month after his 59th birthday.  The day I had to take him off life support, my husband (that only wanted to be with me of course!) didn't even show up at the hospital.  I watched my Dad die completely alone then went home at 4:00 a.m. heartbroken to find him asleep.  I didn't even wake him.  I just dealt with it. 

All along, I never even told my Dad we were having problems because I didn't want him to feel like any more of a burden that he already did.  He had ended up in a wheelchair because the tumors caused paralysis.  I was the only person he had to take care of him so I didn't want him to feel like me being with him was causing problems at home.  It shouldn't have been that way anyway.  In a true marriage, the spouse should be supportive and understanding...not using the time to sleep with another woman!!

Anyway, my husband came to the funeral and all, but left right after the graveside to go back to work.  I later found out that he had his girlfriend covering for him in our store (she had been not allowed there after I found out about her) while he attended my Dad's funeral.  This was a real turning point for me.  I realized that this man really couldn't tell the truth and wasn't the man I needed him to be.  I asked him to move out permanently and told him I now wanted a divorce.  You would've thought I had sprung it on him.  He couldn't understand why!

In October (yes...10 months later!) I finally filed and our divorce wasn't final until the following June.  After I filed, his family (that knew about his affair) quit speaking to me, he continued to teach the kids to lie, he closed the business and sold off the assets (and of course kept all the money), he didn't pay child support, and he decided to not pay for his truck anymore and gave it back to the bank!  I never in a million years dreamed that the man I married would turn out to be like this!  To this day, he continues to amaze me at the level of stupidity and indifference to other people.

I'm sorry this is so long, but I now believe that we never truly know someone.  I spent 15 years with this man and it didn't matter what I did, he still cheated and lied....at a time when I needed him the most!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN