Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Today November 17th is National Adoption Day.

Where you adopted or any of your kids or other loved ones?

http://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/nam/

View Full Size Image YVONNE

by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 11:44 AM
Replies (31-38):
Lurion
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:00 PM

It's lovely that you can "see" him grow up on FB. Are you also in touch with your bio son or just his adoptive mother? 

I'm really not trying to be a b*tch here, honestly respect everyone's decisions and it's never easy. I ask because just this week I was chatting with an adult adoptee who found out her adoptive parents had contact with her birth mother, but did not allow her to. The anger and betrayal she feels that they kept this from her has nearly destroyed her relationship with them. This is probably what the adoptive parents feared all along. 

Babies grow up and become real people and relationships are often more complicated. This is a lifelong issue. 


Quoting MedinaChick:

I put a child up for adoption. He is almost 17 and I keep in touch with his mom on Facebook


earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:15 PM


Quoting Lurion:

I don't know your particular situation and am glad for your excitement at meeting your new baby cousin.  

Being involved in helping adoptees and birth mothers find each other when the children are grown,  I can't resist the temptation to ask how much thought you've given to the grieving birth mother whose child became your blessing. Many adoptions work out for the best overall. However in many, many situations there is lifelong pain for both birth mothers and adoptees alike, at the primal trauma of being separated from one another. Especially in the "baby scoop era" (60s and 70s), when many women were not given a choice.

It's nice that it's all happy happy for the adoptive parents, but each adoption begins with the tragedy of a mother separated from her baby. 

Hearing the stories from adult adoptees and birth moms' point of view, there is a lot of paing that adoptive families often like to gloss over. 

Adult adoptees in most states are denied their basic rights as citizens to have access to their original birth certificates, to know their personal and family medical history, etc. Even in "open" adoptions, the adoptive parents hold all the cards; they can simply change their minds and move away for any reason at all, and no court can enforce that agreement. 

 

 

Quoting earthangel1967:

I wasn't and none of our kids were but one of my cousins was.

I remember when I was 7 and my aunt and uncle bringing him home as a 4 mos old. I was sooooo excited! : )

 

The adoption of my cousin was close to 40 years ago so I am sure things were done differently then than they are now.

Their baby, my cousin was in a foster home/orphanage type place from birth to 4mos old while my aunt and uncle went thru very thorough applications and back ground checks and home visits and references etc for months. They were allowed to go visit baby derek at the orphanage in the meantime.

They were given background information, names ages etc and even shown photos of dereks birth parents who were both teenagers. My aunt suffered from severe endometriosis and had to have a hysterectomy at 20 bc it was so severe. We DID give a lot of thought to Derek's birthparents, we felt sad for them and thought how painful and hard and courageous, loving and selfless it was for them to place derek for adoption.

My aunt and uncle told derek he was adopted and that his birth parents gave him up bc they were only teens and they loved him so much they wanted to give him the best life they could. They told him these things from the time he was tiny little and that he was a gift and he was chosen. They gave him an awesome loving life.

They always told him once he was 18 if he wanted to look up his birth parents they would even help him to do so they told him they would be PROUD to be able to show his birth parents what a positive outcome their sacrifice had on their son, an ideal life and grew up to be a very admirable young man and father to their shock Derek said he was grateful  to his birth parents but he didnt want to find them. His adoptive parents reassured him that they woudlnt be hurt at all and would be proud but derek (probably unlike most adoptive kids I iimagine) said he had no interest in it ... I am sure if the birth parents looked up derek and found him derek would be very gracious and sweet I have no doubt.

Our entire exxtended family has always been grateful to dereks birth parents and prayed for their healing and well being over the years too.

I think it is unfair to assume adoptive families dont think about the feelings of the birth parents I think many of them have a lifetime of gratitude to them that goes beyond descripton.

View Full Size Image YVONNE

nangel4u
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:19 PM
My husband and his twin brother was adopted at 6 months old!! He met his siblings when he was about 21 years old but didn't know he was adopted until he was 16 years old!!
MedinaChick
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:35 AM
Just the mother. She has always been honest with him, he knows he's adopted.


Quoting Lurion:

It's lovely that you can "see" him grow up on FB. Are you also in touch with your bio son or just his adoptive mother? 

I'm really not trying to be a b*tch here, honestly respect everyone's decisions and it's never easy. I ask because just this week I was chatting with an adult adoptee who found out her adoptive parents had contact with her birth mother, but did not allow her to. The anger and betrayal she feels that they kept this from her has nearly destroyed her relationship with them. This is probably what the adoptive parents feared all along. 

Babies grow up and become real people and relationships are often more complicated. This is a lifelong issue. 



Quoting MedinaChick:

I put a child up for adoption. He is almost 17 and I keep in touch with his mom on Facebook



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Lurion
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:23 AM

Again, sorry to pry, really none of my business, just curious. :) 

So do you plan on giving him access at 18, if he chooses? I wish you all the best. 

Quoting MedinaChick:

Just the mother. She has always been honest with him, he knows he's adopted.


Quoting Lurion:

It's lovely that you can "see" him grow up on FB. Are you also in touch with your bio son or just his adoptive mother? 

I'm really not trying to be a b*tch here, honestly respect everyone's decisions and it's never easy. I ask because just this week I was chatting with an adult adoptee who found out her adoptive parents had contact with her birth mother, but did not allow her to. The anger and betrayal she feels that they kept this from her has nearly destroyed her relationship with them. This is probably what the adoptive parents feared all along. 

Babies grow up and become real people and relationships are often more complicated. This is a lifelong issue. 



Quoting MedinaChick:

I put a child up for adoption. He is almost 17 and I keep in touch with his mom on Facebook




MedinaChick
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:54 AM
1 mom liked this
If he wants to know me then I am open but I don't want to hurt his mother either. I guess I will wait and see and hope for the best.


Quoting Lurion:

Again, sorry to pry, really none of my business, just curious. :) 

So do you plan on giving him access at 18, if he chooses? I wish you all the best. 


Quoting MedinaChick:

Just the mother. She has always been honest with him, he knows he's adopted.





Quoting Lurion:

It's lovely that you can "see" him grow up on FB. Are you also in touch with your bio son or just his adoptive mother? 

I'm really not trying to be a b*tch here, honestly respect everyone's decisions and it's never easy. I ask because just this week I was chatting with an adult adoptee who found out her adoptive parents had contact with her birth mother, but did not allow her to. The anger and betrayal she feels that they kept this from her has nearly destroyed her relationship with them. This is probably what the adoptive parents feared all along. 

Babies grow up and become real people and relationships are often more complicated. This is a lifelong issue. 




Quoting MedinaChick:

I put a child up for adoption. He is almost 17 and I keep in touch with his mom on Facebook






Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Krysden
by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 8:08 PM

nope

Ksmomy
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 1:20 AM
WoW "National Adoption Day" is on DH bday and he was adopted! He was actually adopted by his maternal grandparents. He's bm has always been somewhere in the back of his life. Never truly gone but never really there.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN