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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

DH changing

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 8:11 AM
  • 6 Replies
I feel disconnected to my DH. He is more distant and is acting unhappy 90% of the time. A few weeks ago he started accusing me of cheating, the last week or so it has not been as bad. I try to love on him and he either just lays there or think I'm coming onto him and when I tell him I'm just trying to love on him, he gets mad. I have a low sex drive. I have been to the dr, but she was no help. Anyways, I asked him if he was unhappy yesterday and he said no, but I feel like he is. I just don't know what is going on with him. I get depressed and I am starting to be unhappy because I don't feel connected or even loved by him. What should I do?

We have been having marital problems off and on for 2 years. Last year we almost separated. He got addicted to pills and when I confronted him, he got angry and made me leave with our kids for a few days. That happened twice. And he is bad about lying. I have tried many times and in many ways to get him to stop with the lying and just tell the truth. It is hard to tell the difference anymore. It's hard not to fantasize about a man who I see in love stories. A man that's not like my DH. He was not like this when we got married, but we were young. I was 18 and he was 19. We are 22 and 23 now.
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by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 8:11 AM
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Replies (1-6):
lovebuzz_mommy
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 1:00 PM
4 moms liked this
In my experience when a man accuses u of cheating he is feeling guilty about something and he is trying to project that guilt onto u to make himself feel better. My husband did this to me when he was chatting with other women online, but that's my experience. He is holding something in the way it sounds and it is hard to get some men to open up and be truthful. Sorry cant really offer much advise but hope u can get past rough spot in ur marriage.
nicole2884
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 1:22 PM

i agree , men usually project that cheating thing on you when they themselves are cheating , however if he is addicted to drugs then it may just be his paranoia or some reaction from the drugs, my only advise is to talk to him, see if you will go to counseling with you

valeriechristin
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 4:31 PM

Feel for you, I really do and I'm just not going to bullshit you. You asked for advice and I'm going to be realistic. I know how hard this is. Been through a similar situation and have learned a lot now at almost 25 years old. People who accuse their partner of cheating are insecure about SOMETHING, or GUILTY themselves. SOMETHING is going on that you don't know about. Not saying he is doing the cheating, but some issue is lurking there. He doesn't let you love on him and says he is not unhappy, yet has a lying problem. He's got his wall up and doesn't seem to be open to being honest, I mean really, you know he's not happy by the way he's acting. Communication is huge if this relationship is to be salvaged. Here's a big one: You cannot wish for a guy in the movies, a love story guy. That is simply fantasy. Too many women are still stuck with Cinderella complex, thinking a man will whisk them away and everything will be better. True love exists. But it is not as easy as the love stories in a fairy tale or cinemark feature. He's a liar (as you say) and you got married at a very young age. Young adults are advised not to wed until at least 25, as I'm sure you've heard. It KILLED me emotionally that me and my kid's dad grew apart after 5 years together. I was convinced we would grow together. Hard pill to swallow. Personally I won't consider marriage til after 30. I say cut your losses and move on. If he isn't willing to communicate and lies to you, don't waste your energy like I did. It won't be easy but it is better than time wasted and years lost. If he won't communicate... Nothing will happen Best of luck.

biancalina20
by Bianca Lina on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:54 PM
I couldnt have said it better. My thoughts exavly. My ex H was like this.

Quoting lovebuzz_mommy:

In my experience when a man accuses u of cheating he is feeling guilty about something and he is trying to project that guilt onto u to make himself feel better. My husband did this to me when he was chatting with other women online, but that's my experience. He is holding something in the way it sounds and it is hard to get some men to open up and be truthful. Sorry cant really offer much advise but hope u can get past rough spot in ur marriage.
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xoxRachelxox
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:49 PM

Maybe he's doing pills again? 

jkampbyll
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 8:55 PM
If not cheating its more likely the pill addiction he is hideing. Pain pills kill more than just pain they are also a real. Boner killer.(no sex drive or will make a man unable to "finish".my sister in law has been going threw this for years with my brother in law.after awhile it alters their personality and turns them hateful. My brother in law when he started out on oxy's( for his back) he was in a great mood and only an asshole when he was running low or out.(for takeing them more then was prescribed) .now he's an ass with or without his pills. She now has declining health and i think honestly its because he has just sucked her dry.emotionally, mentally, and physically. So get your husband help now and if he refuses get out now!


Quoting valeriechristin:

Feel for you, I really do and I'm just not going to bullshit you. You asked for advice and I'm going to be realistic. I know how hard this is. Been through a similar situation and have learned a lot now at almost 25 years old.

People who accuse their partner of cheating are insecure about SOMETHING, or GUILTY themselves. SOMETHING is going on that you don't know about. Not saying he is doing the cheating, but some issue is lurking there.

He doesn't let you love on him and says he is not unhappy, yet has a lying problem. He's got his wall up and doesn't seem to be open to being honest, I mean really, you know he's not happy by the way he's acting. Communication is huge if this relationship is to be salvaged.

Here's a big one: You cannot wish for a guy in the movies, a love story guy. That is simply fantasy. Too many women are still stuck with Cinderella complex, thinking a man will whisk them away and everything will be better.

True love exists. But it is not as easy as the love stories in a fairy tale or cinemark feature.

He's a liar (as you say) and you got married at a very young age. Young adults are advised not to wed until at least 25, as I'm sure you've heard. It KILLED me emotionally that me and my kid's dad grew apart after 5 years together. I was convinced we would grow together. Hard pill to swallow. Personally I won't consider marriage til after 30.

I say cut your losses and move on. If he isn't willing to communicate and lies to you, don't waste your energy like I did. It won't be easy but it is better than time wasted and years lost.

If he won't communicate... Nothing will happen

Best of luck.


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