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My mil is in the hospital and has been since November 5th due to back surgery and infections from the hospital. Last week my DH, her son, was asked to stay Saturday night and then again this past Saturday night. My DH is a repo agent and is not home at night from Sunday to Thursday. He sleeps in our bed with me on Friday night and Saturday. I have recently been out in a knee brace and can't get around good or do much. I'm at home with both of the boys, which help as much as they can but I feel bad for asking them. My question is, is it selfish of me to want my DH to be home with me and not spending the night at the hospital??

ETA: my husband stays at the hospital with his mom due to several issues she has had with the surgery. The family wants someone with her 24/7. She has stopped breathing twice at night and the nurses where paged several times before they came and my mil was not able to page them the person staying with her had to page them. We also live over an hour away from the hospital and with his job he's not able to go to the hospital during the week to visit with her.
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by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 9:50 AM
Replies (11-20):
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:39 AM
You're not being selfish. You miss your husband. Mom does not need someone staying with her overnight that's what the nurses and nurses aides are there for.
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by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:41 AM


by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:43 AM
1 mom liked this

to feel that way is not selfish but to act on it, like tell him u want him to stay home- yes i think that is. its his mother and shes in the hospital....its not like hes out partying. 

by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:47 AM

I think overnights are a little too much, but being gone to visit during the day most of the day is realistic.  When my MIL was hospitalized for liver problems (auto immune) DH was gone for a week, but came home at night to sleep and see his kids in the morning before he left to visit again - he never spent the night there.

by Bronze Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:50 AM
I'm not understanding why he has to sleep there.
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by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:56 AM
She had back surgery at the beginning of October and has had 3 rounds of staph infection, fluid on her lungs that stopped her from breathing twice, as she had to have 3 additional surgeries on her back due to staph. They found a blood clot yesterday and today she is having heart problems.

Quoting Mom2Phoenix2011:

What is his mom in the hospital for?

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by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:59 AM
Because she's had several issues related to the surgery so someone stays at the hospital with her 24/7.

Quoting little.worthen:

This. Why does he need to sleep at the hospital??

Quoting Mommyof5247:

No, I don't think you're being selfish. He can make time to visit his mother when she is awake & sleep next to the woman he married.

I would never expect my son to neglect his family for me. I would expect him to do the right thing & be there when his children & woman he loves need him too. He could spend a little time with me when we can talk during the day.

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by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:13 AM
Yup. I stand by my original response. Mom should come first now. She sounds in critical condition. Both me and my husband would do the same thing for our parents and the other would totally understand.
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by Melissa on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:13 AM
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Then yes, you are. If she is having that many issues it is understandable to have someone there all the time. And if they are finding clots, she could stroke out at any time. :(  How scary. And if the rest of the family is taking shifts, I am sure they are missing their families also. This is only short term and it will get better. Let him have time with his mom.

Just a thought:  She may be gone tomorrow and then you will feel horrible guilt about not allowing him to take care of her when she needed it. And he would be resentful of you for not allowing him to spent the last days of his mothers life because his wife demaned he be home. 

by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 11:23 AM
I agree that he does not need to sleep there. He should visit her often and so should you and the kids. Talk to your dh about the issue. Don't let it linger because that will build animosity against your mil.
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