Separation?? *small update* *another update** FINAL UPDATE!!!!!!
UPDATE* so far we are still trying to find an apartment for him. Sucks that we have to spend all this money but I think we both need this. I finally got to the bottom of it and he thinks I'm not in love with him anymore. It really does make sense though. I am just so bored with life lately. I told him I really need to think about us and it is hard to do with him here. We have been through this crap way too much. I know you all don't know everything but for the last year or so it has been horrible. I'm miserable and just didn't want to admit it. I am really trying to think of myself now (I know selfish but if I don't know the truth then in another 6 months we will go through this again) and get to the bottom of this. I need to know if my heart is still in this marriage. I have started the love dare and it is really helping me so far =) I am just currently taking it day to day. Thanks everyone. I'll keep updating as we go along.
***UPDATE...We found my hubby a place where he can be a courtesy officer so rent is cheaper. Thank goodness. He left officially last night. Omg it was so hard for me :-( I didn't realize how much I really liked having him here. I'm all alone in my big ole bed and I hate it. I know I have to get use to it though. He signed a 6 month lease and after that he can do month to month. We hung out today though as a family still. He plans to come almost everyday anyways to see our dd but it is hard at night. Hopefully we can figure out what we want to do within 6 months because I don't think I can handle this for any longer than that. I'm doubting handling it for 6 months already. My dd just thinks he is at work or at the gym. We use both of those. He works a lot anyways so really she won't notice as much during the week. Only weekends will be hard. He is going to stay Christmas Eve and I'm actually really excited about that :-) I know silly but I think I'm realizing just how bad I treated him before :-( I'm stepping back and trying to see from his point of view and man I was not so nice. I want to be a good mother and wife. I need to slow down and stop stressing so much about little things. I'm learning so much about myself though. Thanks for reading this and letting me kinda vent. I've got to get this off my chest. I'll keep everyone updated. Still taking it day to day though.
FINAL UPDATE....we are divorcing! We finally realized that we were not happy with each other anymore. I am not in love with him and he is not in love with me. We both changed too much and don't like each other's new personalities. I tried to hide me for a long time. Tried to be someone I wasn't because I didn't want our marriage to fail but really that made things worse. I am sooooooo much happier now!! I've lost weight and I'm taking good care of myself. Love having plenty of time with my dd without all the stress of taken care of my grown ass husband. 14 more days and we will be legally divorced :-) I know usually divorce is sad and depressing but it really isn't for me. We told our dd Tuesday that he is living somewhere else for now. She is too young to go into details and the word divorce I think will scare her. She is taking it pretty good. She is excited about Greg's new place. She asked him if she could have a Justin bieber room there :-) lol love my baby girl. My stbxh and I are doing much better this way though honestly!! He is absorbed in work and I am having fun with my daycare kids and my dd. I love my job and my life soooo much! I didn't know I could be this happy without a man!!!!!!!! Life is great!!! Never thought I would be this happy when I'm getting a divorce!! Lol o well shit happens and this is my new life and I'm starting over and becoming an independent woman!!!!
Quoting purplejbird:sent DS to Nana's
Then we were separated about 5 months. Back together for 2 months and filed for divorce.
during the 5 months, I got a lot of counseling. BEST thing I have ever done for myself.
it really depends on the people and the situation. i went through a seperation and it ended up proving to us that the love was gone and the seperation is now a divorce. but i have a really close friend who went through a seperation a few years back and it brought them closer than ever, it made them realize how much they love each other and how they needed to put the small petty stuff aside. good luck and i hope everything works out the way you feel is right for your family.
We separated and subsequently divorced. BUT...our situation sounds different than yours. He was having an affair and he used the time we were separated to continue the affair. I suggested the separation because I couldn't stand to be around him and needed time to think about what I wanted to do and couldn't do it with him there all the time. (He was saying all he wanted was me and the kids, blah, blah, blah) I didn't want to just throw away 15 years so I needed time. The whole time, he was lying to me saying he wasn't seeing her then my kids would come home and say they were sleeping over at her house when they were with him. At the time my dad was dying (cancer) and I was his only caregiver so I had to spend a lot of time out of town at a cancer hospital 8 hours from home.
He used all of this time to be with her all the while telling me he didn't want a divorce. He didn't even bother to come to the hospital the night I had to take my Dad off life support. I watched him die completely alone and went home in the middle of the night heartbroken and needing someone and he was asleep on the couch. I didn't even wake him.
I waited 10 months to file for divorce and when I did he acted like I was the worst person in the world for "breaking up our family."
I don't think all separations have to end in divorce, but it is telling to see what will happen during a separation. What do they do if given the opportunity, etc. It also showed me that I could make it on my own.
Good Luck to you.
Quoting jmjdj:We separated and subsequently divorced. BUT...our situation sounds different than yours. He was having an affair and he used the time we were separated to continue the affair. I suggested the separation because I couldn't stand to be around him and needed time to think about what I wanted to do and couldn't do it with him there all the time. (He was saying all he wanted was me and the kids, blah, blah, blah) I didn't want to just throw away 15 years so I needed time. The whole time, he was lying to me saying he wasn't seeing her then my kids would come home and say they were sleeping over at her house when they were with him. At the time my dad was dying (cancer) and I was his only caregiver so I had to spend a lot of time out of town at a cancer hospital 8 hours from home.
He used all of this time to be with her all the while telling me he didn't want a divorce. He didn't even bother to come to the hospital the night I had to take my Dad off life support. I watched him die completely alone and went home in the middle of the night heartbroken and needing someone and he was asleep on the couch. I didn't even wake him.
I waited 10 months to file for divorce and when I did he acted like I was the worst person in the world for "breaking up our family."
I don't think all separations have to end in divorce, but it is telling to see what will happen during a separation. What do they do if given the opportunity, etc. It also showed me that I could make it on my own.
Good Luck to you.
When you met your dh/so?
- ashleigh24
on Nov. 19, 2012 at 8:31 PM